all u gotta say is. fuck off. dont be nice to me anymore.

hello readers and haters. it's weird. i dont know where to put myself. if i act bitter, people say "y r u so mean?" and if i'm nice, "u too nice". hah. watever. maybe YOUR right. i think i have a problem in the head huh? well watever. the last thing i'm saying to you is

sorry for feeling this way, but dont worry all that is changing by the second and that i promise. i'm still gonna be nice because well, thats just me. so, good luck to you. u can forget all about me and my dumbass self. u wont be hearing from me again. thanks for havin been there. i appreciate it, but i guess this is it.

LATER the fucken DAYZ [and i mean that with the most respect]

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when's it my turn?
how would it be?
who would it be?
why not now?
why not then?
why not him?
why did those feelings ever come up agen?
could it be that i knew what was up?
or was it cuz deep inside of me i still liked him?
could this be lvoe that i feel?
but how?
can someone define that word please?
how'd i get my self into this?
why does it hurt so bad?
how could i be so stupid to even pretend that i was only playin when i said those things?
i wonder if he has yet turned tired of my constant thoughts of him?
my feekings towards him?
i wonder if i put out this desperate image?
tell me this here n now, all the 'nice' things u say...are they ferreal?
or do u just say them to see how much of a 'pimp' or how good u r at gettin girls?
y do i feel this way about you?
iwanna kno...ineed to kno...WHY am i like this?

man i knew i was gettin my dumbass into some serious shit all over again, but did i listen to the mind? hell no. i had to go with wat the damn heart had to say. i don't kno why i throw my feelings onto someone who don't even feel anything NEAR wat i'm feelin...especially wen things havn't been goin right for that person and his special somone. i'm just so stupid. to his special one: gurl sorry u gotta go readin my stupid shit. maybe i should just leave. someone knock me the fuck out so that i don't recall this phase, this chapter in my life. this shit shouldn't ruin a friendship, although sometimes i think i should just end it [the friendship] just to give you two a break from my ass while you both settle your own thang. i'm just another stain in ur lives.i mean here i am scooting my way into something just cuz u guys are off on the "i need room to breathe" cruis ship.hah see im talkin nonsense now. ahh BOOOOOOO...next time again..

LATER DAYZ

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wednesday: 09.17.03 my best friend ANNA's birthday.
4:30 get a call from trisa stating that they were gonna go visit ANNA for her birthday...so i wake up, get ready n at around 5:45 we [james,trisa n i] leave, pick up terri. get back. go to anna's house. and TADA! her sisters were surprised..we get inside the house...go towards anna's room where her door was open, we see her...she gets shocked and locks us out! hahahah funny. then we wait in the kitchen while anna get's ready for church. she came out, we all give her hugs.. i was the last to give her a hug n boy was that the time i really noticed that no matter how much i was mad at her, I STILL MISS HER!! aww she gave me the biggest hug ever! almost made me cry too cus she started to cry... I HEART U ANNA! did the cake thing. chilled.had good old times laughs...then after 45 mins or so we had to leave cuz she had to go to church. THAT WAS WEDNESDAY's highlight of the day.

thursday: 09.18.09 Open house/ Steven's one month [death anniversary]
first off.. GOD BLESS STEVEN'S SOUL.
busy day. got to school early to finish up our open house routine. practiced at lunch. practiced afterschool.got home at 4:30. got ready. left again to pick up: *takes breath* Arlene, Ryan, Chelle, MaryJo, and Janice. get to school just in time to practice 3 times before performance. then it was time. haha. performed...got good feed back even though i know i mad a couple mistakes, but AUNTIE [omie's mom] sed i did a good job which made me feel better about messin up heh. after performing..walked around school for a bit. then my brother, chelle, renzo, maryjo, janice and i head over to starbucks and in-n-out. man these people are fun to hang with...we laughed and laughed and laughed so much in the car and at starbucks and especially at in-n-out! omie and dennis met up with us there. GOOD TIMES! BONDING!!! too bad not the WHOLE team was there...NEXT TIME! oh we also made a stop at the famous walmart haha.. where people stared at us cuz we were in our tight uniforms! yes..oh yes. then we head over to maryjo's to drop her off and steel a big ass cone..hah wtf?! she told us to take it and since we were high on salt from in-n-out, we did it lol. afterwards took everyone else home. got home. did homework. and slept.

friday.....to be continued..
got home from school. 5 minutes later i hear alvin and henry screamin muh name outside the house! hahaha sillies. they pick me and my bro up. we head out to in-n-out [once again] we get there grab somethin to eat. we have a couple of good laughs. head out. head to plaza. walk around. go to spencers. leave. see the claw machine where they had carebares me n alvin go crazy tryin to get the GREEN ONE! i spend my last dollar tryin to get it, but no luck. alvin gets it after 3 dollars hahah... i felt sad cuz i didn't get it. alvin, being the sweetest n good frend he is gives me the one he won . afterwards go home. kick it home for a while then head out to old navy to get my nephew something. head to party city where i meet up with the girls: marjee, trisa n terri. we look at wigs for senior pics. bought one. go to walmart. then home.

TODAY:saturday09.20.03
get a wake up call from my cousin. get ready. wash some clothes.shower.get ready. head out at about 10, go to gerino's house to wake up the foo. kick it at his house for 30 mins. we head out to pick up the oredered food.we run around for a good 2 hours. pick up marjee.head to roar park[oops xcuse me. it's ROHRpark as GERINO corrected me on that one. does it really matter? POTATO,POETAHTO] prep for the party..get help from gerino n jee. stay there for a long time...basically a tiring day. got home at 7:30ish. yup thats my day....til next time..

LATER DAYS

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alright alright. i'm at school and it's 6th period right now ECON. i'm supposed to be takin a test, but i din't bring muh book [good goin apple] and so i'm here stuck on the computer along with about 5 other people. it's kinda cool just kickin back, but i kno it's now fair to everyone else in here takin the test. hahaha all you can hear is me tapping on the keyboard .. tak-tak-tak-tak....anyways. i have about 15 more minutes in here then off to practice..heh.

gosh i thought being commander isn't that hard...i mean i know it's hard and stressing but deng...one week on the job and i'm stressin like hEeZY! I don't know maybe it's the first time/week jitters, but deng man! i already have to perform this thursday at open house. Hopefully it'll go well [crossed fingers]. I saw Michelle Ritarita [my rookie year commander] and Sheena [my rookie year XO] heh..good to see them again after how long? especially SHEENA BEENA it's been a while. Well i'm slowly hackin up the position and hopefully i stay pissed and focused the whole time during practices and performances cuz it seems that when i'm pissed, i'm hella focused on what i need to do. WEIRD huh?! heh. well i guess i'll keep it short....until next time...

LATER DAYZ

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Be BOLD in what you stand for, but be careful what you fall for.

damn i love this quote so! it could mean so many things in so many ways. heh i dont know...here i go again ranting about the so called 'love'... which by the way i found a while back, but i don't think it'll happen...so the best i can do is let fate take it's course right? ehh i guess. still hurts even though we're friends et all...ahh i don't kno. feelings are once again slightly building up......for someone...

went out with my cousin today to get our nails done. YES, pampering day for the chicks. and on the way to plaza she asks me "so are u planin on havin a boyfriend this year?" and i of course reply "no." She ses "why? who are you takin to prom?" hah inside myself i was like "yeah that WOULD be nice to actually HAVE a bf for once and especially someone to share prom wit" yannoe? but ehh i don't know. but anyways i just reply to her by sayin "why? do i really need one just cuz prom is this year?" yannoe tryin to put up a front to myself n all. so yeah.

feelings are slightly building up inside me all over again for someone, but i kinda hate it because i've already accepted that we're only friends. and for all this to start up again, well it's gonna be tough all over again because it took so long for me to convince myself that NOTHING will come to be between this person and i. PLUS, i like the way things are goin between he and i...we're getting along great! hahah for once so i don't want to mess that up.

Aye, don’t get me twisted…we’re still homies, but the other half of me is tryin tuh jump out nah-mean? Yeah haha…don’t go changing things haha n don’t go teasin me either ...

damn homie why you gotta be so hard to let go? hahaha...i mean whats in you that just make me "melt like a popsickle on the fourf of july!" LOL seriously..grr damn you and your sensuous charm, purty face and that PIMP SMILE! hahaha shit..got me all shook up! oh and not to mention your good-smellin self...mmHmMm...CURVE OoHweE! hahaha shiet man smells hella good! BUT STILL i'm holdin it down and out...Good things come to those who waitcorrect? So why is it that I’ve been waiting almost half my deng life for that someone and when I find it… I STILL CAINT have hem…ahhh fooie! maybe he won't cut it in the long run huh? hahahaha

i hope your reading this man... i'm like two kinds of people right now fighting myself. tellin half of me: "no your only friends...you guys get along...HOMiES!!!" and then the other half of me complains: "but dayam! he's hott stuff gurl! cute, hott, hott...YAR!!" hahah see this? i'm going crazy...ALL YOUR FAULT ATE SARAH FOR ASKIN ME that question!!!! LOL it's okay i still love ya! but yah...hmm maybe i'll post this up on my NUTANG. yes infact i will!! okay gonna go now...peace, love [ah], i'm out

LATER DAYZ

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YaOzAaH! hello everyone. GOOD NEWS! after lunch today at school, I was called into the AI's office and they talked to me....and guess what they told me? I'm THIS YEAR's 03-04 VARSITY UNARMED DRILL TEAM COMMANDER!! WOOHOOOOOOOO! i was so happy and scared at the same time. Hopefully I can fulfill my duties as commander and be like JOY! I MISS YOU JOY! so that was the highlight of my day.

well as you all know, thursday was SHEila mae's birthday and yesterday [friday] a grip of us headed out to HOOTERS to eat. i had no clue to why hooters was the place, but ahh well it was sheila's choice. I left the house at about 7 o'clock got picked up by TRISA, picked up MARJEE, went back to TRISA's house to pick up MOE and CHRISTINE and the van. THEN to SHE's house where a grip of us waited and waited for people to get there. finally after much diliberation of about an hour, everyone headed out to HOOTERS.

when we got there, everyone had to wait an hour to be seated since there was 30 of us. the wait kinda pissed me off cuz i denno i wasn't feelin the whole waiting thing, but it was kinda cool. got to kick it with new people who seemed pretty cool. let's see who was there: SHE, Jeremy, Jenn, Terri, Trisa, Jee, James, Chris, Rachel, Allen L, Ralph, Derreck, Francis, Joseph Moral, Christine, MOE, my best friend AllenRay, Charles C, Micheal G, Joseph Manabat hmmm and much more. there was lots of laughs, but i wasn't on most of them since i've been out the "box" sorta speak, but i'm glad everyone else had a BLAST! FINALLY we get inside and get seated. we then again waited a couple of minutes to get our orders taken and another 30 minutes to be served. everyone grubbed...sang along to some 80's tunes...ate some more..watched SHE dance the YMCA in front of everyone hahaha. then came the BILL. and DAYAM was it big! 350+ scrillas man!!! some people came and didn't pay what they should've. i mean damn..if u kno u don't have enough, then don't go yannoe?! yallz got everyone else over payin for stuff YOU should've paid for. well after the bill was cleared off everyone decided to get home since it was gettin late. NO TAGGING of the LAZERS cuz we were all broke!! grrrr next time.

I'm just happy I got out the house after a freagin month! I'm glad my best friend made it and he lives all the way up at POWAY, where as SOME people live 5 miles away and didn't TRY to make it...stupid. I just wished that homie Gerino made it cuz i was bored heh.. anyway... that was that. got home at 11:05, went up to my room,changed, turned on the tv and fell asleep. Then at around 11:40 homie Gerino calls me tellin me that he just got the text message i sent 3 hours before.... hahaha funny guy...and how he was bored n yada yada. damn homie, we actually get along better now-a-days wouldn't you say? YES! i'm glad though.. let's keep it this way.

well aiighty..that's all for now..i know your eyeballs must be goin crazy by now so till next time....

LATER DAYZ

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