OMG! I seriously cannot believe that sojourn will be here in a week. I am very stressed about it and I hope that things work out well. Tomorrow I'm going to try and fly down to the bay area and get stuff from my other house for sojourn, cause i need like warmer jackets and long sleeve shirts. Most of which i have here but there are still a few thing i need to get from, "the other room" of mine, which no longer feels like its even mine. Anyway, I turned in all of my final projects today at school. It was really weird feeling like i actually got everything done. At mills, i was always busy thinking of a reason as to why i didnt have one of my assignments, or how i could still turn something in late without losing points, or knowing that i did a half ass job and that im not going to get a good grade. What sucks the most is that altho i didnt do crap at mills, and my grades were terrible, my grades here are awesome and i have practically 100's in everything, but they have to add in my grades from mills too, so now my grades dropped, and they probably are only a little bit higher than what i would have gotten at mills in the first place. But oh well, once i come back from sojourn, i get a clean slate, no numbers to add in, and i can raiseup that last and final GPA. Yes, alisha will graduate high school having a high GPA, most likely a 4.0 which is exciting but not as fulfilling because at mills you actually have to work hard to get all a's. At this school, its really nto hard at all...so you know, whatever, but it will higher my overall high school GPA which will look better when i actually apply to college. I think right now i have about a 3.3, so with that averaging out with what i have right now, i will have maybe a 3.4 or even 3.5.
So, when i come back i have to look for a job, i need money. Once i get money, im allowed to buy a car and my mom will help pay insurance, and she said she will ask my dad for money to help pay also, but i still have to pay for gas. I think that's fair. At least i'll get some help with a car since it is kinda hard to do the whole thing myself without having any money left over for once i graduate. I really just have to make sure i dont go crazy and buy myself stuff everytime i get a paycheck, cause then the point of having a good paying job wont benefit me at all. Lol.
I dont really know what im talking about right now I think these are all just general thoughts in my head about what is going on, what im thinking about, what i have to do. Oh, speaking of stuff i have to do. I need to make an appt when i come back from sojourn to see a dermatologist, cause my skin is acting crazy. I can never tell when im going to break out. I can wash my face once a day, and its bad, or twice a day and its bad or soemtimes good. and sometimes, i wont wash my face for a day and it will get better, or soemtimes worse. It is very unpredictable. All i know is, this face is uuugly with all these scars and marks and what not, and i want it to go away, before it gets so bad that i have to wear cover up makeup when im older because my face doesn't look clean without it. That would seroiusly suck balls. Yes, oh yea, that was one of my new years resolutions, good job alisha, you remembered. hah.
IN other news, there is none. Im so silly. Ciara has a game today, i hope they do good. She drove herself to the game at sequoia, i hope she didnt get lost. It's funny thinking that she drives herself everywhere now, especially because now i have that fear of someone hitting her...or her losing control if its rainy and slippery. I mean, i always have those kinds of fears even with myself. Especially since shes young, and little, and sooo cute. I wouldn't want to lose her to someone who was stupid and hit her. I won't think about that tho, i'll stay positive and just let her know that i care and that i cherish everyday that i have with her, i dotn want to take advantage of the fact that she loves me, that would be the worst thing to do to someone, and yourself really. So yes, my baby is a new driver on the road, learning her way around, probably getting attention, and enjoying life, im happy for her. I know how bad she wants this and hopefully the novelty of it will wear off sooner rather than later, that way it wont be such a big deal. Plus, by the time she is legally allowed to drive other people, it will be close to graduation and i may be moving back sometime soon, so she wont have to drive all the way up here to see me. All i know, is that once i get my car, im gonna have trouble with insurance once i move out, cause its gonna be all on me to find a good job, stay strong in school, and have a place to live. Life is going to grab onto me and im gonna try not to get swallowed in a life of debt, that. would. suck.
So, i think im done blabbing for now. I seriously cannot wait until sojourn, im so excited, yet for some reason incredibly nervous at the same time.
Alish

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*sigh*

The beginning of a new year and the end of 2004.

I can't believe that it has all already come to an end and now it is the year of my graduation from highschool...it seriously is a scary thought...So, I guess I should make my New Years resolution, since I didn't make one yet...and everyone always has one, even tho nearly no one actually keeps to them...maybe this year I'll actually accomplish something.

So, I figure, a new years resolution should be something challenging, yet possible, and affordable..lol.

*My New Years Resolution for 2000 and five!*
-->Get a job and save the money for car insurance and moving out.
-->Work on finding out what school I'm going to finish from...
-->Stay healthy and don't get fat...meaning maybe make more of an effort to go to the gym, or exercise, and eat less salty foods.
-->Top priority, honestly try to improve my relationship with the person that I love because if i don't things will continue to go downhill and there could be a tragic ending or if not an ending, many hurt feelings and depressed someones.
-->See a dermatologist...I do not want scars thank you.

Well, that doesn't seem too hard of a list. Now all I have to do is actually do it, that's the hard part. Well for me the even more harder part would be to remember what I said I was going to do..how freakin sad.

So, to recap this year...nevermind, I don't want to do that. It will take forever and I will seriously blabble on for about an hour about all these stupid little things that I remember.

In other news, Sojourn is coming up quickly, have to start getting ready for that, it will be very emotional, but I am very excited because this time it will be a whole new experience with new people, new ideas, new emotions, and hopefully, a better outcome...no, not hopefully, there WILL be a better outcome because I know that this will be good for us, we will learn so much about each other and about ourselves, and learning can never do you harm...even if it's bad news you are learning about, it will always benefit you sometime or another.

You know what I don't understand? Why things happen the way they do. I mean sure, some people say, things happen for a reason...or everyone has their own purpose, or even, because God made you that way...but is there really such a thing as fate?? Or is it all just done one step at a time, not planned, and kind of, depending on where you are and the decisions you make for yourself. I think a little bit of both is true. For one, I know that meeting C was not just some accident, I feel like it was supposed to happen, like there has always been something special, like there will always be some kind of way that she is in my life. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I don't know. Only they do I guess. I guess the whole reason I asked the question at the beginning is because I wonder if me being alone for two New Year's in a row was supposed to happen, that way next year, or the year after, when I'm on my own, I can have an extra good New Years that means so much more to me than some regular party or get together while everyone gets drunk and kisses someone they care about when that clock strikes midnight.

So, I guess that is all I have to say for tonight...it is very late, I have a lot of thoughts running thru my head, and I can honestly say I am nervous...nervous for what is about to happen next...it's a new year, that can mean new beginnings...or it can mean, another year past where we will continue to grow. I hope things get better soon, that is really what I wish for. I can't think of anything else that I could wish for more than that...for things to get better and not get so angry and just...full of resentment. damn, there i went again, tried to say by, and managed to type out another gorgeous yet depressing paragraph.

Im really leaving this time...hehe.
-----Happy New Year-----2005! YES!

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You know what? You can kiss my a$$. Really you can. That is all I have to say to you...lalallalalalheedehehfehaiehfoavnea. So, now I must go, because I am leaving. Goodbye.

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So. Now I am sick. Woo hoo. I hate getting these kinds of colds. Regular colds are ok but these ones suck cause the only time you feel somewhat good is when you are laying down and then you decide, oh well i feel better so maybe ill get up, and then you get up and you feel worse. My throat is hurting terribly bad, if that makes sense, and i have a wretched cough that feels quite lovely. Besides that Im still just doing homework and watching tv because there is nothing better to do when your sick. But, oh and this is the best part. I am very excited because i am supposed to be flying to the bay area tonight for my sojourn meeting tomorrow, so maybe ill get the chance to see some people...woo hoo. Peace.

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So, lately the days have seemed a lot longer. Eena's party last weekend was a blast, but ever since I had to leave suddenly on Saturday night, it seems like life is going in slow motion. I guess that might be a good thing because it would mean that time is on my side since I seem to be forgetting to do things lately, but I know that before I know it, it will be 2005 and I still probably won't know if I am moving back home or not. I got an e-mail from Kellie, it was very interesting. I don't know yet if I would consider it good or bad, it was insulting yet truthful, and it made sense, but it was frustrating to read her opinion on things that only Shawn and myself know the truth about. Well, anyways, I'll email her back giving my opinion and what not, and we will probably go back and forth on that, but hopefully something takes a turn for the better sometime soon.
School is going good. I really like my interior design class but im sad cause next wednesday is my next class, then i move on to a different elective. My grades are still all A's and this week i got voted on in my program as student of the week. It doesn't really do anything good, but whatever, it's exciting i guess. I am also working with the history classes up here to do a presentation about sojourn to the school to talk about what the trip is and to give some background info on civil rights. It should be really fun.
Fundraising is coming along well, although I still don't have half of the money needed for the trip, i'm trying to crank out as many donations as I can. I'll see everyone soon. Sojourn is comin up real fast and I sure am excited.
Alish

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Love can be a many splendored thing
Can’t deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It’ll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Yes, that is exactly, well close enough to how i feel. The trouble with it is that its so strong i can't deny it. I won't go away, and it never fades. I've fallen so in love that I have no say in it. Well, the good part about it, is that I have no doubt in it, it's there, it's true, and even tho I've been hurt by it before, it will always be there for that one special somebody...and you know who that is. Well, that's all I have to say, just another plain ol' day.

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