So, sojourn is comin again guys. I love when i actually realize that im going to be possibly, most likely going again, because o god, it just makes me soo happy, winter, and everything, geez, i get a smile on my face everytime i think about it...say the words, sojourn. Ah, ok well yes i dont know what else to say really, im just glad that its finally here, it will really come soon, it will. I promise its only october but the january will be here sooner than you think. K im out.
Love lish

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

So, have i ever told you how much i really do love the rain? Everything about it is just so amazing. Summer is great and all, with the sun, the pool, getting tan, all of that fun stuff, but i really just love winter. Fall too in some aspects. Everything about it, its just so, welcoming. First in fall the leaves begin to change colors and everything looks so beautiful. Then when the first rain comes, its like starting all over again. Everything looks so fresh, the grass is greener, the sky is all cloudy and it seems to go on forever. I love when it rains, i could just sit and watch it out my window for hours and never get bored. Everything about it makes me feel so happy, the smell of it is so fresh and new, hearing it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, watching it fall from the sky makes it seem so unreal, like it just falls from the clouds and lands on the ground, making that light tapping sound. I love it. I love when the ground is all wet, and you run out to the car and once your inside you have little drops all over you, but your nose still smells like fresh rain water. I love when your driving and the windshield wipers are on. I love turning on the fireplace again for the first time, or waking up in the middle of the night beacuse its raining so hard. It's so inviting. It almost feels like the rain tells me to go outside and just watch, and listen and relax. Anytime it rains i get so spacy people think there is something wrong, but i just love it, everything about it. I remember last winter, standing outside Mr. Neopote's room with ciara while it was pouring and us both just standing there getting soaked. I loved that. And i would look up and squint my eyes, and you can see the rain drops falling one by one and then landing on your nose. I love finally getting inside when your shivering and putting on warm slippers and drinking hot chocolate while looking out the window. Ah, i could really go on forever. But ill stop now, im so glad its finally here. Once the rain comes, its like a new me, i always get one year older, christmas comes, and a new year begins, i love everything about winter. If there were no rain, there would be no new flowers in spring time. Im gonna go watch the rain some more. For those of you who know what im talking about, i know you know that im not crazy.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

So, now things are all hectic again. My dad is very mad at both my mom and I, for me coming down there last weekend and him not knowing about it. I can't fly anymore and so I'm stuck for this weekend, because my mom is going to Vegas and it wouldn't be the best or most enjoyable next three days for me to sit here alone. I was planning on flying home and visiting, and then sleeping at angelina's on saturday night, but now my dad doesnt want to see me. And im probably sure he doesn't want me coming down there either. But I don't know what else there is for me to do. Not only that, but how would i get back. And there is no possible way of me getting down there in the first place. Uh, things are so complicated. Now my mom is all stressed and wants to cancel her trip. I think that's rediculous, whether or not i stay here, im going to survive, she shouldn't have to cancel a well planned and fun trip because of me. Im not saying it because i want her to leave, im saying it because, well, i want her to still be able to do her plans and not disrupt everything because of my dad. She gets this feeling like she has to listen to what he says and that she lied to him by letting me go down even though he said to stick with him on this and what not, but my mom is my parent, she can make her own decisions, whether or not they are the right decision is for her to decide, not my dad, he has given up on me living there and doesn't want me to come back, and even when i was there he didn't listen to what my mom wanted, so why should she listen to him. I just think that this is my mom's chance to raise me how she wants me to be yet my dad is still controlling her just like he controlled me. He has this crazy idea that by me hanging out with the ppl i do and by having relationships with the people i do, that my life wont be as good, and i wont get as far. So what is his suggestion? Have no friends and go thru my whole life alone? NO...i need people around me, i cant isolate myself so that absolutely nothing bad will happen. And he knows that, he is just too stuck on the fact that once he makes a decision he has to stick to it, and if he believes something is true, then it must be because he is always right and I always have to be lying, or at least someone does. He talks about how he doesn't want me to tear his family apart, well guess what, hes doing it allll on his own. Hes ruining my senior year, hes making makenna and trey sad, shawn is very stressed, kellie is lost and angry and all kinds of things, and he is going mental. Anyways, now that ive rambled about how crazy things are still managing to get, im still keeping that little spark of hope there. I hope things work out, i know that they can, i just dont know if everyone is willing to try and make it work. It will be hard, i will be sad, my friends will be sad, ciara will go thru hard things, and get confused and not know what to do, but there is always light at the end, things always get solved or gotten over, and hopefully in the end, my dreams and wishes for the future will still be available to me. You know, i have ambitions, and over my high school years, ive added important people to my life, who support me and love me and i want to be there for them and have them in my life as a permanent source of love. And there is more than one person that i am talking about, im just talking in general. I dont want to lose the friendships ive gained. Sure maybe they wont be very strong and possibly distant for a while, but that doesn't mean they cant be resparked. well, i better get going, i hvae to figure out what im going to do this weekend. And i cant seem to figure out the train and bus schedules. Dangit. Good luck to the PSAT testers.
love always
alisha

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

So, here i am in Millbrae, home alone, what a surprise. I flew home this morning because i had therapy and im waiting until its time to go. Everyone is in school right now and I have nothing to do. I feel so empty inside. I can still feel the hurt and the pain lingering in the house. I walked in and i felt like I didn't belong. Everything is just so unreal. It's like I'm here but im invisible, life went on yet it feels different for them too. Makenna and Trey say that they miss me all the time and they cry about me not being here. It breaks my heart but im so caught up in this whole mess that none of it is affecting me. I feel like a small piece of coal that is buried in a mine just waiting for the pressure to build so hard that i turn into a diamond. That was a pretty good one. Lol. Hopefully this small little piece of coal will survive all this pressure and emotion and things will get better, because if i carry this with me my whole life, things could get verrry messy. But, im hoping for the best, i know i can do it, and I know it will be hard, and it will take time, possibly years, but it will get better. Anyways, i better get going. I have a lot more to say, but I don't feel like letting it all out right now. I miss everyone.
Love lish

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

So, im here in sacto with my mom and rest of my family, to hopefully start kinda fresh and get away from my life at dads. Im hoping things go well here, ill be starting new school, meeting new people, keeping in touch with people at mills, hopefully ill still be somewhat involved because i really did enjoy the work i did there. But, none the less, it is quite sad that i had to leave, i really had no choice and it was the best thing i could have done for myself. I just hope that i get to keep my friends and we dont grow apart, because although i know i wont like it very much, they are going to get used to me not being around anymore and they will adjust to me never being there, i will visit as often as i can, but jusr remember that i love you guys and i will definitely keep in touch with all of you because you guys really were my support net and half of the love i received while i was there. I will really miss you and i know you will all be successful in what you do. For the seniors, rock on, graduate, and become a very immature but funny adult, and for the juniors, keep workin guys, this year is important, and, for the underclassmen, make new friends once the upperclassmen leave, cause there arent many of you, lol, sorry guys. Anyways, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and been there for me, i really appreciated and i wish i could stay, but its time for me to say goodbye. I will talk to you soon
Love always
alisha

Comment! (0) | Recommend!