I love you guys. Sorry for abandoning ya'll.

Anyhoo, after I put up that status, the girl-woman "liked" it and later on removed everything that was related to the misunderstanding. I never responded. *shrug* Didn't feel it was important to do so.

As for my internship, things are a little better. It was brought up during the last staff meeting that I, in particular, may actually have a chance to continue this internship into my next college semester as there is a partnership of sorts between the agency and my college. I'm not sure I want to continue doing what I'm doing, but it always looks good on my resume. I just hope I get smoother in terms of people relations soon.

In more personal news...I am finding in myself a thin line between my Chinese and American self. The hyphen in Chinese-American has come into existence. Or perhaps it existed all along, neglected and suppressed until today. Not literally today, but the present and recent days beginning last week.

I want to be the sweet, dignified, graceful, modest, gentle Chinese young lady. Alas, these characteristics are seen as week and unwanted in America. Especially the workplace. I am finding that my reserved manner and automatic sweetness to "superiors" are doing me more harm than good. This society values outspoken-ness. I can be quite talkative. I can also be rough and seemingly unmannered (depending on the standards, of course) and I am in the midst of trying to...rehabilitate myself. I am quiet in front of my superiors, which doesn't make me look good. I'm casual and talkative (or more than in front of the superiors) with my co-interns/friends, which wouldn't look good if caught. I am...stuck in between and I don't know how to act anymore. And I'm realizing this reserved-ness of mine may just be what unnerves and ultimately pushes away some people. Perhaps I come off stand-off-ish? What does that mean anyway? But why is it wrong in America to be quiet, to think before I speak, to care about other people's feelings, to think of the big picture rather than the little window of "right now"?

How can it be wrong to want to be a good person?

I don't think any of the characteristics you listed are more Chinese than American. When I was in New York a lot of problems came up because I was quiet, so I think it might just be where you live.
» randomjunk on 2010-06-30 12:03:34

How it can be right to be want to be a bad person?
» dave on 2010-06-30 03:07:03

It depends on on how you look at things, you don't want to be seen as kissing up to your boss or an empty can. There is nothing wrong with being more attentive to what your boss whats and being talkative to everyone else at the same time. For me, I think the one time during internship that people say me chatting and laughing with my boss gave them the wrong impression.
» Nuttz on 2010-06-30 10:12:40

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