Note: Please give this entry a chance and read to the end before judging me. The third paragraph isn't everything. This is ME here. I am hoping that means something...

I was just looking over my old entries and I was completely wide-eyed at all the various titles which bring me no recollections whatsoever.

Hahaha, I wonder if any of us still use the smilies anymore. Anyway, this no recollection thing isn't new, it goes for the content of my entries--or anything I 'write' (paper or otherwise). I remember being twelve and picking up an old writing assignment from...elementary school, I think, and going "Eh?! I wrote this?" And I don't mean like "Ooh, the handwriting is so messy" or "...that's not a sentence..." I mean, "Hey, I don't remember writing this. Huh. Where'd I get that idea? Hey, I wrote pretty well! It doesn't look/sound/seem like me!"

Anyway, I've been thinking about the future lately. More like I don't have a choice with my ma being the what-ever she is...shut up, brain! Not going there. See, I have this idea to go into an asian entertainment circle. Go to the Miss HK pageant or go to Taiwan. If the former, I have to win the Miss Chinatown-NYC pageant first(since I'm not HK born)--which isn't that hard, considering. Well, alright, I'll explain. Almost every time this 'pageant' comes around, we're always lamenting why there aren't any cute/okay, let alone pretty girls. And the 'talent's they all claim to have...mostly laughable. Especially the dancing. I laugh my head off. And have you seen the latest HK one? I can't believe the dancing was so bad considering the wider range of choices and the fact they're supposed to represent HK...

Of course, it might just be that the talented ones are too smart and level-minded to enter a pageant, of all things. Dance or music or any real kind of performing art has certain personality characteristics entailed, almost in their genes. If they were to enter a competition of any kind, it would be an aw-ing (not laughable one) one with a respectable and admirable background. If I do this, I would just be looking to get into the circle. HK winners/participants get a leg up into the entertainment circle and go on to act in tv series--even if their acting is not good enough, they have the chance to improve. Taiwan's idols aren't the most talented. I can still make it into the circle somehow. My taiwan-mandarin is getting more natural everyday. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...especially since I've always loved Beijing mandarin the best.

This is an idea and inner hope I've never shared completely with anyone. Only part once in passing to ma.

Of course, the less courageous but current plan is to go to college and then law school. But if I really want to do the above, I can't wait till after college or law school. I'd be too old and won't have the time or focus needed.

So I have two choices. Go out, debut! Or stay unknown and lead a life here as a writer, teacher, get a job, no career in mind, dance on weekends. Truly, I have no idea what the future holds for me after school--college and/or grad.

*chuckle* I have never even really admitted the entertainment thing to myself! Too level-headed for that. Or at least, I'm supposed to be.

Who am I again? Right, I never knew...

Huh, I always thought pageants were these big unreachable things that were for some vague higher level of people. If you think you can win it though, I'd definitely say go for it. :P
» randomjunk on 2008-09-29 06:15:35

You'd probably be the most talented one in the Chinatown-NYC pageants... I've seen some of the winners/runners up and they are not very uhm, yeah.

I think you should at least try. You don't want to look back later on and think, oh, I should've done this or that. If it's something you don't think you'd regret, then forget about it. If it doesn't work out, you'd have something to fall back on, right? You can never be too old to go into law. Entertainment, otoh, pretty much you have to start as young as possible.

I hope that made sense (I can be very nonsensical without proofreading over and over). Good luck in your decision
» bluetopaz on 2008-09-29 06:55:51

I don't think we all know much about who we are yet...

If you are entering any kind of pageant or the entertainment scene, I'll be rooting for you!

Good luck in anything you decide to do.
» Nuttz on 2008-09-30 08:11:19

go ahead joining those pageants!! one of my friends joined the miss malaysia contest and she won the second place! but i hope whoever u r in the future, don't forget ur friends and the nutangers here.
» renaye on 2008-09-30 10:02:21

the pageant idea sounds great!
And fun, heck, ENJOYABLE. Law school just sounds droll, unless you really like law, I guess.

I'd go for at least one, see how that goes. The future has no easy roads. Some are just more suitable for some people than others.
» invisible on 2008-10-01 12:29:07

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