I was going through some of my old files on my computer and I ran across some old drafts of letters that I wrote to some old high school friends during difficult times. I'd almost forgotten about several iterations of difficulties that we'd all had.

Craziness.

I also found this paragraph that I wrote during perhaps ?sophomore year in college? and then saved in a word file:

Hi Ranor.
:) I just wanted to tell how much I appreciate you being my friend. :)
I like seeing you on the street and skating up to hug you. I like it that you are always there if I feel sad. I like it when you're there when I feel happy to dance with joy with me. I like your messenger bag and your fuck-me shoes and your orchid and the way you like to shop for housewares even though it makes you feel unmanly. I like the way that cute boys make you all giggly inside and the way you look when you're drunk with those big brown sad eyes. I like your eyebrow piercing and how you know obscure bands. I like how you work hard at O-chem because it's important to you. I like the way you take pictures of people in order to capture important background eye-candy. You are the most fun person I have ever met. I like your clothes and the smell of your pillow. I like it how your face is smooth and expressive.

Love, Me

Don't remember if I actually ever sent that to Ranor.

Well here it is, a mere 4 years later.

And to end, an unrelated bit of a poem by Coleridge, which I also found in my adventures into old files:

In Nature there is nothing melancholy.
But some night-wandering man whose heart was pierced
With remembrance of a grievous wrong,
Or slow distemper, or neglected love,
(And so, poor wretch! Filled all things with himself,
And made all gentle sounds tell back the tale
Of his own sorrow) he, and such as he,
First named these notes a melancholy strain.

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Goin' to HAWAII
Goin' to HAWAII

Me and my friends, Sethifus and Zebo,

Goin' to HAWAII!



This geology thing is really working out for me.

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Today we were looking at one of my images on the large projection wall at our audio-visual facility. It showed some seriously strange-looking patterns in the lava on Mars. I was in charge of discussion and in charge of the joystick which allowed us to fly around in the image. There was no preparation for the role, I just had to play it, engaging everyone, making sure they stayed interested, making sure each of their voices was heard, that the others properly understood what they were talking about, that their points and questions were addressed before someone changed the subject. At the end of the session my advisor asked me to wrap it up with a conclusion of a sort. I started talking but someone was having a side conversation with the audio-visual guy. My advisor told me that first I had to bring my group to order. "Let's all come back to order," I said, and my errant ducklings came back to the table sheepishly, as sheepish as ducklings have ever been. Then I wrapped up the session, went over the important points, and outlined what everyone ought to do in order to make progress forwards. It came pretty easily since I always have to listen in on the teleconferences that my advisor facilitates for other things.

It occurred to me that the whole exercise had been a teaching moment--- it was as much about helping me grow as a facilitator as it was about talking about Mars. It's sometimes crazy to realize all of the tiny things that my advisor does on a daily basis to mold us into the researchers of the future. Making us give presentations, making us lead groups, making us practice thinking up projects and delegating them to other people, even making us listen in on seemingly pointless telecon meetings.

It's just like what parents do, really. I played some mini golf today after work and I thought back to when I was first learning to play. Playing a round of putt-putt golf was always just as much if not more so about learning to play by the rules, learning good sportsmanship, and learning that a moment of calm patience hits the ball much better than one of impetuous frustrated rage---than it ever was about learning to play a good game of putt-putt.

But it was also about putt-putt, which is why I beat all my coworkers.
BWAHAHAAHAHAH!

I think many times your elders make you do tasks that seem arduous or meaningless, but if you've got a good teacher, there's usually a lesson in there somewhere, whether or not you realize it at the time.

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:(

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Moving Day. Had to help three of my friends move. I don't look forward to these days because it's like taking a trip back into my early days at the warehouse. Not because I didn't like my work at the warehouse but because every guy says, "Can I help you with that?"

I've noticed American guys aren't as bad. Is this because chivalry is dead? No, I think it is because equality has finally triumphed. Which would you prefer, ladies? Chivalry or equality? I'll take equality.

[Note: I won't get angry with a dude who asks me a question like this or does a chivalrous act, because I know that his intentions are good, it's simply a reflection of how he was raised, and he has no way to know that I am strong like She-Woman and in need of no help. If he sticks around long enough, I will prove it to him.]

But more angering and equally damning are all the girls who say, "Let's wait til the boys come back so they can lift the heavy stuff" Or, "We need boys for that one." etc.

Is this because girls are weak? Or lazy? Or both?
I know for at least one of my friends it's because she had a bunch of older brothers and she did nothing while they lifted all of her heavy objects as if she were a princess.

Truth be told, in the sport of moving boxes, there isn't a magical divide between girls and boys. There are strong people, and weak people. They can be of either gender. Many girls assume that they are weak when in truth they are lazy, and any physical weakness they may have is probably a side effect of low expectations.

So, just to sock it to the Man, I carried all of Crater Girl's things upstairs while "the boys" were driving around the U-Haul. I carried the mattress by myself, and I enlisted the "weaklings" to help me with the big stuff like the couch. "The boys" were like, "Wow, you got all this stuff up there??" and we shrugged, as if to ask why they would be surprised.

Now my legs are sore from all that lifting. But it was worth it! Bah humbug!

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As you probably already know, the Phoenix Lander has finally landed on Mars, after a journey of many months through the depths of space. I'm not as involved on this mission as I am on the Mercury Mission, but the Phoenix team was here a couple of months ago to get our opinion on what they should be looking for during the several weeks they spent in Antarctica last winter (Antarctic summer) as a trial run for the mission. One of their labs was also located across the hall from the lab of my friend's boyfriend at Tufts in Massachusetts.

We have one of the most spectacular telescopes ever built in orbit around Mars, that's the HiRISE camera, which sends back pictures of the surface at a resolution of about 35 cm per pixel. That's way better than the resolution we have for the Earth from orbit (at least publicly available...) and you can see way more because there isn't so much pesky vegetation in the way. Because the Phoenix Lander's descent was such a special event, they skewed the HiRISE camera to a crazy angle and took a high resolution shot of where the engineering team thought that the lander would be. Turns out the engineering team was spot-on, and they caught the lander in the act of parachuting through the Martian atmosphere.



How freakin' sweet is that. Plus, we've all been really worried because the whole point of the lander is to dig for ice, but if the lander happens to land in an area where the ice table is really deep, the mission is sol because it doesn't have any wheels. [The robotic arm can dig maybe ~30-40cm or so. Its goal is to find ice and then heat it up in an oven. The gases that come off of the sample can be analyzed in a miniature mass spectrometer, which can tell us if there are any organics present. It also has a bunch of other experiments that are designed to look for signs of life. I have my own theories about what else we could do with these ovens, but there are only four of them and they can each only be used once.]

But luckily for the Phoenix, it seems to have landed right on top of very thinly covered ice...!


They aren't totally sure yet that this is ice- but the jets on the spacecraft blew away a substantial quantity of dust, and it's possible that this has exposed an ice table lying just below the surface. My friend Joe's job is to study this landing area and the processes that are going on here. He's been to Antarctica several times to study similar landscapes. He's going to give us an update on Monday about the mission and whether or not this is really ice. I will, in turn, pass on the update to you.

For more information, check out the Phoenix website.

Exciting times in space science!

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Having graduated, it's funny to realize that my so-called "new friends" have been slyly transforming into my "old friends" over the course of two years. I shall never forget all of the things we went through that brought us closer, whether it was that time it took us more than 24 hours to get from San Francisco to Providence, while my eye swelled shut, the time I offered to examine what my roommate thought might be an intestinal worm to allay her fears of infection, or the time that Thalweg smashed her face skiing and instead of accompanying her to the ski shop I went and bought a chocolate-covered candied waffle for myself, and the ski patrol told me I was a bad friend.

Then there was the time that I scared the Welshman half to death by magically entering the building when all of the doors were supposed to be locked. Or that one time we stayed up for almost a week straight on chocolate-covered expresso beans, just to get a trip to San Francisco. (The same trip where it took us more than 24 hours to get back, ironically)

Yes, there were dark times. There were bright times. There was the time we got invited to a rave by a bunch of people on drugs that we met in the woods and then they helped us with our rock climbing and made us write on them. There were muskrats. And wasps. Cat asthma. Visiting Lil after she got appendicitis. Building a gigantic zen garden for one of our professors in a corrugated metal tub. Finding a huge metal poster of a man's ass behind one of the filing cabinets in Thalweg's office. Meeting Gunther, the Pleasureman. There was that one time when I was really sick last year and my roommate let me drag my mattress into his air conditioned room and crash there. And the one time I ran all the way to my house to get my car because the zebo had a wicked migraine and she needed to be driven home. They were there to make me feel triumphant after my first talk at a conference.

Some of them are gone already. Many of them will be leaving next year.

I'll miss them.

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I decided that I needed to take a more active approach to my dating life. So I joined Chemistry.com.

Here is my profile:

Hmmm, yes

Hmm, yes... I enjoy summering in the Hamptons, my stable full of hundreds of Arabian stallions, fine cheeses, and motoring along the information superhighway any Sunday afternoon.
I appreciate a good monocle and a man who says, "Oh, ho!" when he laughs, and then, "oh, my sides." Some Chester A. Arthur sideburns and a fancy cumberbund wouldn't hurt either.

I have traditional Victorian values and a weakness for collecting pencil sharpeners.
I hope to find the man of my dreams so that we can take accordion lessons together. Would that you were he!

So far I have three people interested after two days. But they said that I'd get 8 times as many if I added a picture. I was thinking maybe this one would do:

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