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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The Profile

Age. 33
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Cherry Hills Vil, CO
School. Other
» More info.
The World

The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:


Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER

Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
The Help
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Memento Nora
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre เ la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye

want to read: Last Hunger Games Book, Honeybee Democracy, The Bell Jar
The Juanes Module

Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
Bleed just to know you're alive
Wednesday. 1.10.07 8:50 pm
I just recently got the new Evanesence CD (as evidenced by the YouTube link below). I really liked the song "Lithium" because it has a lot of really tough stuff in it, a real struggle. It makes you think, you know? A lot of people who are diagnosed with problems and told that they should take drugs to fix them are given a lot of crap if they choose not to (and thus choose to remain depressed/bipolar/mentally disturbed, whatever).

It seems selfish, especially if you have a family, to not take the medicine that could cure you and make you a productive and healthy member of the family again. But it isn't that simple, really. Nobody likes feeling depressed, but I think for a lot of people feeling depressed is preferable to feeling *nothing*. Yes, everyone always wants to feel happy, but I don't think anybody wants to feel happy *always*. It calls to mind Brave New World, or even my favorite movie of all time, Equilibrium. People are afraid of depression, afraid of the darkness... but worse still is the feeling of equilibrium, particularly artificial equilibrium. So in this song lithium, she talks about how she wants to remember how it feels to be without lithium. It's scary to take drugs for something, especially drugs that claim to drastically alter your personality and emotions. Emotions, even bad ones, are part of what goes into making us who we are. She says "Here in the darkness, I know myself."

There are a lot of people in the darkness. I empathize with the death metal rockers and the people who listen to all the really heavy stuff, like Pantera and Deaf Tones and Mudvayne and the like. You feel all of these wild, desperate emotions, and the music is that way too... frustrated, trapped, angry, constantly on the edge of some vast void, wind whipping around your body. You are terrified that the wind might cause you to fall almost as much as you are overwhelmed by the desire to jump. "...swan dive into the asphalt...."

And the drugs, the "cure"... yes, it makes you fit in better. It pulls you away from the edge and into safety, but it is a grey, stagnant safety, like limbo.

How much does the drug "cure" you, and how much does it take away the person you have always been? The creature of darkness you have come to understand as yourself? I think it's possible that the drug returns you to how you should have always been if you had been well... it just doesn't feel like that because for as long as you can remember you've been sick.

I'm definitely not saying to not take the drugs if you need them. They are a gift; they make normal life possible for a lot of people they might've shut away in the old days, they give you a new lease on life and freedom from the dark emotions that can choke a life and prevent it from blossoming. But we must improve the drugs. Because without emotion- that's not a way to live.... So I guess what this song said to me is that you have to be patient with people who need medication and seem obstinate in not taking as often as they should...... maybe they just need to remember how it feels to be without it.... both so that they remember why they're taking it as well as so they remember what it's like to feel- to really feel... to feel in every atom of your being... even if that feeling is pain.
To bleed just to know that you're alive.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Tuesday. 1.9.07 10:07 pm

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yep, that's me
Tuesday. 1.9.07 8:14 pm
she said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
i think i'll go to boston,
i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new town, to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
boston...where no one knows my name...

-- by Augustana

The song would be "Providence" but it had too many syllables

Comment! (2) | Recommend! (1)

The Art of Surfing
Tuesday. 1.9.07 8:57 am
I just joined an AWESOME site. My sister got me into it.


You should go there. The combination of that site and this one have done the impossible... they've caused my surfage of the facebook to decrease drastically. So maybe that's not a step in the right direction, seeing as I'm substituting one kind of surfing for another, but I think it is since I'm substituting stalking for making and appreciating art.

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Sand Dunes on Mars
Monday. 1.8.07 9:17 pm
OOoOoOoOooo it's a picture of Mars!!

A really BIG picture of Mars. Love my job.

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Circus, CSS, and Campbell's Chicken Soup
Sunday. 1.7.07 6:52 pm
Well, the crack that they put in Campbell's Chicken Soup seems to be working its magic against my sickness, because for the first time all day, I feel like a million bucks.

Or maybe it's rocking with full, floor-shaking bass to my new Evanesence CD.


hmm... who does that remind me of?

HahAHaha, I was reading SoYouWanna Join the Circus? on soyouwanna.com, and this is what is says:

"Animal Caretaker/Trainer. If you're capable of putting a tutu on a cheetah or teaching an elephant to roll over (but can't get a gig with a circus) look into getting a job in porn. Just kidding. Look into getting a job at the zoo, a variety show, or even at an animal obedience school."

Maybe you're wondering why I was reading this particular How-To? Maybe grad school not quite working out for me anymore?

uh... I was looking for "...learn the basics of CSS" ???

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