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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The Profile

Age. 34
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Altadena, CA
School. Other
» More info.
The World

The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:


Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER

Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
The Help
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Memento Nora
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre à la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye

want to read: Last Hunger Games Book, Honeybee Democracy, The Bell Jar
The Juanes Module

Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
My poor, poor thesis.
Monday. 3.13.06 3:07 pm
I think I need to sit alone in a room with my thesis and cry. For a long time.

But I can't, because I need all that time to write my thesis.


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The prize for the most ridiculous PhD robes goes t
Wednesday. 3.8.06 1:45 am
I'm full tilt into writing my thesis. I spent all day in the library on Sunday (all night til 1 am in the lab), Monday morning I spent talking on the phone about thesis, today is Tuesday and I spent every minute I had doing thesis that I wasn't in class and track. It's 11:47pm now and I'm thinking about turning in for the night. I have a huge math assignment due tomorrow and I've got to be awake enough tomorrow to get it done before lunch.

I'm starting to think that some of the literature is wrong. I wonder if the people writing it know just as little as I do about what they are doing, because sometimes it seems like it.

In other news, I was accepted to Colorado School of Mines for a graduate program in economic geology. The guy who would be my advisor said that he would be out of touch because he was taking a group of grad students to the middle of the Amazon jungle to search for semi-precious gems.

hmm..... that could be me.......

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The Steeple Chase Pit
Friday. 3.3.06 11:32 pm
Today Coach Kirk pulled the plug on the steeple chase pit, which had been filled with recent rain and had even lured an snowy white egret to come and wade in its cool waters. I didn't even know such birds lived anywhere near Los Angeles. It was quite a sight to see, with its S-shaped neck and long spindly yellow legs, enjoying the steeple chase pit with cool and surreal elegance. He said it posed a danger for little kids. He didn't want some little kid running about near the track to drown himself in the three or four feet of clear, brimming water. He opened the plug in the ground and stuck a long metal pole into the brown murky soil-water, which, when he pulled sharply, opened the underground drain and began to suck water out of the steeple chase pit. I could hear the rushing through a grate on the field.

There was an earthworm in the pool of water. I didn't know how it got there, but it was lying along the pit's inclined floor, slowly making its way in worm-like fashion towards the bottom of the pit. Do earthworms have lungs, I wondered? They always said that the reason earthworms came out during the rain was because their holes were filling with water and the worms were trying to avoid drowning. Was this earthworm drowning now? How long can an earthworm hold its breath? The earthworm felt out its next move, head leading, body following, tail feeling back and forth as if vaguely regretting not going the opposite way. If the earthworm only knew, it would follow the sentiments of its tail, because that was the way up to dry land. The other way only led to deeper water and a strong current from the drain, which could mean death to an earthworm deprived for so long of air. I thought for a moment about reaching into the pit and scooping the earthworm out, but I didn't, because I had long sleeves on and there was almost two feet of water between me and the earthworm. I didn't want my sleeve to get wet. The worm's movement were getting a little more weary. Was it drowning? Do earthworms have lungs? Should I save it? I knew I couldn't hold my breath for as long as I had been watching the earthworm. The water level was slowly dropping. All it needed was to wait a few moments and the water would subside and leave it on dry land again. It stopped there on at the gnarled boundary between the flat bottom and the inclined floor of the steeple chase pit. It looked tired. It lifted its head and scooted one more wormly scoot down the incline in the wrong direction. Then it paused. It paused, and then it couldn't hold on any longer, and the current vortex of the draining pipe swallowed it into blackness. There could be nothing awaiting that earthworm in such a drain pipe but death.

In the shallower water the pipe formed a little whirlpool that momentarily caught the floating corpse of a honey bee, one of the multitude we have found dead and dying around the track in recent days. It stirred it round and round as if it were alive once more, but only for a moment, then it returned to floating in funeral silence, the only other witness to the earthworm's demise. Could I have prevented the earthworm's death? What if someone who could have prevented my death chose not to... because her sleeve might get momentarily wet? The bottom of the steeple chase pit gleamed quietly. It was now safe and dry.

I went back over to where track practice was started. Kirk jokingly asked me if I'd made absolutely sure that the steeple chase pit had really drained. But I wasn't really in the mood for joking.

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NASA is cool.
Friday. 3.3.06 3:23 pm
So I went to the conference on Europa (a moon of Jupiter) at NASA Ames Research Center in San Jose. It was pretty cool, I got to learn about the habits of extremophile bacteria, see pictures of ice floes in Anarctica, learn about the magnetic field of Jupiter, and just generally see how these scientific conferences work and figure out the who's-who of Europan planetary science.

I met a totally hot guy there, he took me out for a drink. He was wearing f***-me shoes!

I really wanted someone to take my picture behind the NASA podium so it would look like I was giving a NASA press conference for my facebook picture, but whatevs, it didn't happen. It rained a lot and I met a lot of cool scientists and grad students who were all really nice and gave me advice about grad schools. People were impressed when I said I wanted to learn more about engineering- there's a large gap between scientists and engineers that not a lot of people are willing to cross. So with mathematics at my side, I think I'll become a scientist/engineer and forge a new future.

It's so hilarious talking to freshman because they are all freaked out about guys and "guys are so weird" and "what's up with guys" and whatnot. And I remember when I used to be like that. Now I don't really give a damn. Which could be good or bad.

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The Time I was Almost Friends with Famous People
Friday. 2.24.06 5:55 pm
Today I went to lunch and there was a burger bar with grilled onions and I had a burger with the onions and tomatoes and bbq sauce and it was great. I saw the kid Zach whose brother plays Ryan on the OC. I had a short but vivid daydream about us becoming friends and then me going to party with him at his house and then his brother would be there and I'd meet him and I'd take all these pictures of us partying together and chilling in the hottub and then I'd post them on the facebook with little or no explanation and everyone would say, "hey, isn't that that guy from the OC? And I'd be like, 'oh yeah, him, he's a friend of mine, whatever'" I wouldn't even have to ask him to take a "fan picture" with me, we'd just take pictures because we are buds. But then the daydream had to take a dark turn when Zach starts to wonder if I became friends with him just so that I could meet his famous brother or if I really like him for him. I have to examine my own feelings about the matter, because, to be perfectly frank, that's exactly the reason I became friends with him/(started dating him??)... but I learned that he was a really cool guy along the way, isn't that enough for a romantic comedy-type ending?

Well, seeing as I've been here with Zach for several years and such a conundrum has not yet evolved, I guess I'll graduate without having to sort out these pretend feelings. What a relief!

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Thursday. 2.23.06 11:27 am
Emery: Welcome back!
Oxtoby: from where?
Emery: oh, to Pomona College... I assume you are an alum...?
Ox: um... yeah, actually I'm the president of Pomona College


Carlos: You know that song "La camisa negra" by Juanes? It is banned in Germany!
Me: oh really! Why is that? What is the meaning of that song?
Carlos: Well, in Columbia where I am from... well... actually... I have no idea. He says he has a black shirt. I have no idea why.

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Wednesday. 2.22.06 11:52 am
I'm going to love you
Like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

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The Play by Play
Tuesday. 2.21.06 8:15 pm
yesterday I woke up. I called and wished my sister a happy birthday. I talked to my dog on the phone. I went to a math meeting that didn't happen. I was late because I was thinking for too long. I filled out an application. I went to lunch. Michael hugged me and that is one of the best kinds of hugs that exist. I told Edmund that I wasn't sure if I was ready to date people just yet. After all, it's only been a little more than 2.5 years since I last dated and don't want to rush myself. I went to hammer practice- I was late because I went to lunch too late. I was thinking about how one minute a dog is a living, writhing, soft, furry warm body and the next it is cold and it will never be warm again. I threw with two turns for the first time. I threw a PR. I raced back as fast as possible to the geology building to meet with my structure professor on matters of zircon geochronology. For the fourth week in a row, he didn't show up. I worked on the computer until 2:45 when I had mathematical modeling. I wrote some song lyrics in my notes. I went down to the track early and lay on the steeple chase barrier. It was hard to balance, so I finally collapsed on the grass. I was the only person running short sprints. I shot out of the blocks twice (we even had a starter pistol!). Then my quad was hurting and they made me stop. I wish they wouldn't make me stop. It's my last season, I don't care what I feel like, I'm not injured! What kind of track practice is it if you run half a mile to warm up, 3-easy-one-medium-one-hard 100s and then two lousy 30m starts and call it a day. I lifted a lot and did a lot of push-ups and now my triceps are sore. I left and raced to my room so I could study for my test. I didn't eat any dinner, but I wasn't hungry. I was thinking about whether or not it was better to give people a chance or worse to enter into a relationship that you know beforehand is dreadfully unbalanced. I didn't study for my Life in the Universe test more than five minutes because I was looking for a picture of my dog to put on the facebook. I was late to Life in the Universe because Kristi was walking in my general direction so I didn't take my skateboard. I had brought an article about Mars for extra credit, but I'd forgotten to write a free-response essay about whether or not I think we should send signals into space. Ashley was in the same boat so we both wrote one while everyone was chatting about articles about Mars. I said it was fine with me, if that's what people felt like spending their money on. I took the test and it was not difficult. The chapters it was over were about the geological history of the earth and possible theories concerning the origin of life. Hello, I'm a geology major. I ate two cookies and it took me forever to guess Ashley's hangman word: quixotic. I kept thinking it had to be "antibiotic" but the spaces were all in the wrong places. I stumped him for a while on "kazoo". I enjoy lots of different kinds of people, but I am simply delighted by Ashley. He's so damned clever and he's always got a mischevious sparkle in his eyes. And what amazing eyes, too. He was in my acting class and I liked watching him act because it was the only opportunity I had to examine his startling eyes for as long as I pleased. He and his girlfriend, should they ever marry (which they should!) would have simply stunning children. Sitting with Dan and Ashley through that endless elementary-level seminar class has to be one of my favorite times of the week. After class I should have gone to seaver south to retrieve the paper I have to write an essay about, but I had forgotten my keys in my room, so I went home. I did about half of my petrology assignment, but I was so sick and it was almost 1am, so I fell asleep. I didn't do my essay or my assignment, which is probably the first time in all of college when I haven't done everything in my power to have an assignment in on time. So there is my token gesture toward second semester seniorism. It doesn't feel good at all, I'm still tired and now I have my math paper due tomorrow AND a petrology essay to write. I went in early and finished most of the problem set that was due, went to class, met briefly with Bob whom I've been avoiding since I haven't any concrete thesis results to show him. He walked in just as I put my head down on the keyboard in utter frustration at trying to do petrology and arrange my traveling schedule for the next month. He wants to leave early for our conference in April which means I will have to miss mathematical modeling and petrology and my lab job. He asked if it would take a little piece of my heart to miss math and it will. Instead of doing the petrology I looked through my emails and took the luxury of deleting ones I didn't need. I skipped lunch to finish the problem set. Then there was lab and I drank my professor's entire bottle of water thinking it was mine. I crept out of lab to call the travel agent and book my trip to WashU St. Louis. I've called her so many times but she's never there. I called her right after 2 which is right after 5 on the east coast where she apparently lives. Bitch. WashU is wondering why I haven't booked my flight yet. That got out at 4 and I wasn't even half done with the lab work. I noticed that Kittell scrunches his eyes around the eye-pieces of the binocular microscope just like me. I rushed as fast as possible to track but I got there late and the sprinters had left on a 15 minute run without me. I caught up with them and we ran for 3 minutes over time which was fine with Lindsay but hard on the rest of us. We did plyometrics and pulled the sled for a while, hurdle drills, done! The shortest practice ever. We went to dinner and I sat with the track team. We are going to play frisbee and tie-dye shirts on Friday. I've been coughing so much I think I'm going to throw up my lungs. Track made me feel better, though. I couldn't pull my pants up high enough to attach ice to my quad, so I put the ice in my pocket where it lay right over my injury. It started leaking in my pocket which was unideal. I came back home with a whole hour for me to get started on that overdue petrology essay. But instead I wrote this. Now I have four minutes to get to my math meeting. Hopefully this one actually takes place because the paper we're writing is due tomorrow.
Edmund said that he was a nice guy and I should give him a chance and that he would treat me very well. If I were someone who needed to have a boyfriend and I always went out with jerks just so I could have somebody, then I would berate myself and say, "take this chance, he'll treat you nice". But really, I don't need any boy to take care of me and I don't need any boy to tell me I'm wanted in order to feel that way. I'm kinda just chillin' and being cool where I am at the moment. So I'll sit back, not needing anyone, until somebody comes along who makes me feel like I do.

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