holy what! i have gone soooo long without updating. SO long.
1. school has been off the charts. it's like all my teachers went "ooh! 'tis the last two weeks! let's make it HELL."
2. i have to wait until nine o'clock in the pm to be able to sign on (stupid AOL), and by then i'm too tired to do anything but IM people.
3. i really don't have much to say.
4. the novelty of nutang is starting to wear off a little. i hate to say it, but maybe it's time for me to pull up my roots (did i just say that?) and move on.
5. ^ kidding.
6. my dad doesn't believe in the merits of healthy ventilation. he will forever think that this is a chatroom, and so i can't even be on the site until he's asleep.

GNUUUCK. tomorrow is it. the last day of school. the end. i am really salated (sad/elated) about the whole thing. plus side--woo! no more ms. chiu, no more waking up at five in the morning, no more obsessing constantly over the way i look. down side--no more table at lunchtime, no more hanging out with the people i love (there is no way in heck my parents will let me go out during the summer. no way), no more salivating over my object of lust.

this is gonna be really hard. i hope i don't cry. i always cry.

however, after t-day (yanno, thursday) comes friday. OMG! this is going to be the best friday ever, i mean it.

1. new degrassi
2. harry potter and the prisoner o' azkaban--anyone wanna go see it with me?
3. for the first time in a while, i get to shleep innnnn!
4. mommy's taking me underwear shopping. gonna buy me some seksy lingerie, baby.

*happy dance*

ow ow ow i have pain! i'm trying to pull off my last acrylic nail, and it hurts like a cow in heat. the lady that did my nails was so lame--half weren't glued on, like, at all, and the others are fastened with cement. psssh.

so today was interesting. the thing about getting out at 12:25 is that kids have no idea what to do with themselves, so everybody pretty much does the same stuff--grab friends, get food within walking distance, and then go to someone's house. i did that with tay and rick, and then later ciara and nikki on tuesday, but my father told me this morning that i was NOT TO LEAVE MILLS because i had to pick up my little sister at 1:20. son of a...uggh. i was so ticked off. i wanted to be average and do what average people do, cornflabbit. anyway, en route to spring valley i ran into a bunch of my ghetto fabulous friends who were also picking up various siblings or whatever, so i hung out there for a while. then hoover dam collapsed and the bell rang. kiddy city.

small children have this thing about teenagers. it's like...you're not God per se, but the next best deal. i felt like a QUEEN. and it was this tiny kid phillip's birthday, and yanno how everybody used to always bring in cupcakes to share with the class? well, wee phillip was walking by with a half empty tray of them, and i was like, "oooh, yummyness," and so then he looks at me and goes, "take as many as you want." and he only gave them to me! no one else. and then afterwards he asked if i could drive and if i was married.

i love him, i think.

once i'd made sure that sophie, my sister, was with me, we left her school to go to the library (not my idea!) and then GUESS WHO WAS IN THE PARKING LOT? my father. that liar. i didn't need to pick anyone up! farking...anyway. after that, we went to taylor to get my other sister, and then. then! the ice cream man was there, and he knew my name. creepy much? i'd known him in my middle school days, but i never never told him anything personal about me. *sneeze* this is getting really boring. i do not have an interesting life, like, at all.

lemme turn on some music. mebbe that'll help.

currently bopping along to: "earth song" -michael jackson

the thing about michael jackson is that his music is either boogieworthy or uber emotional. "earth song" is one of his savethewhalesworldpeacelovethyneighbor grooves, so s'cuse me if i start talking about suicide or whatever. it's the music. 'tis not i.

last night, i was sitting in my room thinking about updating this mofo. i was. i said to myself, i said, "what could i possibly write that would compensate for my prolonged absence?" i made a list, i mapped out one of those concept charts...it was an interesting activity, and it helped me put off starting my english project until midnight. (just so you know, i'm sacrificing my spanish final grade to give you jerks something to read. i hate you all.) now here i sit, looking--nay, staring--at the computer screen, and i aint got nothin'. i'm all done, methinks.

the most depressing thing about nutang is that i'm probably going to be on here every day during the summer. i always have something to say when there's no reason for me to say it. *sigh*

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today didn't feel like it was supposed to. not even a little bit. i actually had a wee bit of fun blowing tracy...'s balloons, and throwing packages of mustard, and talking to tiffany steers in spanish (which i always do anyway, but she rawks) and molesting ashley's velvet yearbook. and my cousins are in town! i haven't seen them since last summer...back when i didn't have a bed and my sister lived in the 'guest room'. mwah hah. yes, today was so abnormally okay, that i'm not even upset about missing the last last dance.

despite this groovy turn of events, i find it sort of sad that mediocrity is such a welcome change from my usual drabness. i'd rather that i was an explosion of happy happy sunshine whee woo stuff..like, ponies. and warm fuzzies. (gnaaah shannon and victor!)

COUNTDOWN TO DEGRASSI: exactly two weeks from today...

sa-weeeet.

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Bubbles4581 [10:45 PM]: HELLO DANIEL KORTH!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:45 PM]: hi
Bubbles4581 [10:46 PM]: HOW ARE YOOOOU!?!?
AbnormlDramaDork [10:46 PM]: ok
AbnormlDramaDork [10:46 PM]: u?
Bubbles4581 [10:46 PM]: I AM DOING SORTA OKAY!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:47 PM]: y sorta?
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: I HAD COFFEE WHEN I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:47 PM]: o
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: AND I'M TIRED!
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: AND DEPRESSED-ISH!
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: AND I HAVE GEOMETRY HOMEWORK!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:47 PM]: im srry
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: DON'T BE SORRY!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:47 PM]: ok
Bubbles4581 [10:47 PM]: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT I'M MENTALLY CHALLENGED!
AbnormlDramaDork [10:48 PM]: lol
Bubbles4581 [10:48 PM]: AUUUGHGHFUEFO!
Bubbles4581 [10:48 PM]: WHAT IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR CAFFEINE!?!?
AbnormlDramaDork [10:48 PM]: sleep
Bubbles4581 [10:49 PM]: BUT I CAN'T SLEEP! I AM TOO BUZZED!
Bubbles4581 [10:49 PM]: AND I HAVE GEOMETRY HOMEWORK!

i don't feel like being upbeat anymore. nope. happiness is on hiatus. of course, it's not like anyone hasn't already noticed. whenever i'm not smiling, or cracking jokes, or being 100% of my bouncy bubbly self, i get bombarded with "what's wrong?" "why do you look so sad?" "are you crying?"

i want to cry, lemme tell ya. i guess it's just been one of those days.

the only way that i can see to cope with this untimely bout of deprission (depression and pissiness--best of both worlds) is to be an uber biatch. not just, yanno, to the degree that i am on a normal basis. i mean UBER. i'm not going to be freaking nice to you a-holes anymore. why bother? it doesn't make me feel any better about myself, i get treated like shit by people that i know and love(d), and life has taught me that the masses worship someone who hates them. it's just human nature. so let me warn you now. don't make me angry, or i'll blast the hell out of you. this is the way it's gonna be for a while.

i'm not even going to say hi to todd.

edit--> okay, just kidding. i'm feeling a wee bit better, so no more biatch attack. and how could i go ONE DAY without saying hi to the todd? methinks i would perish. *grin*

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there are some things that i hate to admit. but okay. ciara, if you're reading this. it's true. yes. i AM. but just, um...i'm working on fixing it. alright? cuz i hate it. i want it to go away.

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i feel really good about myself all of a sudden. honestly. after today, things look a whole lot brighter. i guess all that anyone needs to be fully confident in who they are is a little push. actually, a HUGE push. the thing that did it for me was..uh. stanford university.

i was forced into going shopping with my mom and one of her friends at the stanford mall-ish thingie, and to get there you have to drive by the school. and i look at the dorms, and suddenly i just feel..complete. like i was looking at the future. and then as if on cue, my poor mom starts bawling. "two more years, and then you'll be gone! and off to college! and on your own...without meeeee..." and so then for ONCE in my whole LIFE i don't cry along with her. which is like, monumental. and it ends up just being this nice moment in the car with my mother. not earth shattering. there was no thunder, and no mystical theme music. just me, realizing what i want to do with the rest of my biancaness. and somehow, that's enough for me to see past everything else.

and then i get home, and i go online, and i suppose now i'm trying to spread the gospel in a way. like, i forced myself to try to help a nutang friend in an unconventional, semi-mean way. and i'm typing out this entry in the hopes that maybe other people won't feel so bad about themselves. i know that maybe you'll read this and think, "dear God, what kind of odd pathetic loser have i stumbled upon?" but maybe you won't. maybe i'll be your cure.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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