So, I'm trying to get ahead in my schoolwork so I don't fall behind while I'm off in Texas this weekend, and I can't find the quiz that's supposedly available on the site to complete it! Grr. I think I may email her tomorrow morning if I'm still unable to find where it's posted at.
I cannot wait until this weekend, people. I can't even sleep I'm too excited and nervous all at once. Sigh. Four and a half days until I get to see my fiance again! It doesn't seem really real yet for some reason. I think it'll finally feel totally real once I have a suitcase to pack my stuff in on Friday. And when I go shopping for bridal magazines on Friday. I talked to him yesterday, and he said they'd let me carry a CD-Player on board, but I can't listen to it...uh, that's kinda the point in bringing it onboard, so I don't have to pay to listen to music on the plane that I already own. It's not like I have much money in the first place, but whatever. His dad stopped by and gave me some money to use on the plane and a hotel if I should need it. (My fiance lives on a mil. base and it may or may not be allowable to have me stay with him on Sunday night..) It's technically Edward's money, since he's going to pay his dad back.
Have you ever seen Sleepy Hollow? If you're into horror movies, go see it. If not, DON'T WATCH IT. Seriously. I love Johnny Depp, and I've always kinda wanted to see this movie. Well, it was on TNT yesterday afternoon, and I watched about 10-15 minutes of it before I was jumping up and squirming because of what happened on-screen. I tuned in about half-way through the movie too, so I don't know what happened before the parts I saw, but I told my fiance (who's seen the movie) that I'll watch with him so he can tell me when to shield my eyes. Ehh. It's a creepy movie from what I can tell.
I've made a list of some possible songs to play at our wedding. There's two definites on there, and then the rest may or may not be played. Our weddings not for another year or so, so there's plenty of time to decide on a final song list right? I think my aunt may end up singing at our wedding. I didn't even know she sang, but apparently she sang at my parents wedding! Some of the songs though, including one of the definites, are made for a guy to sing. (My Girl is definitely for a guy to sing, not a girl...)
I think I may have found thee perfect ceremony and reception site. (http://www.cypressgrovepark.com). I requested more information about the weddings they hold there, and I'm going to visit the place sometime in the next few months hopefully.

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So the instructor posted the link to the quiz either late last night or early this morning. I'm gonna skim through the chapters one more time before I take the quiz. Even though we are allowed to use the book as a reference, we only get 30 minutes to complete the quiz. That's gonna mess me up BIG TIME since I sometimes have to read things four or five times before I understand what it's saying...
Anyway, everything else I'm doing is surfing the web, and waiting to board the plane on Saturday to see my fiance. I cannot wait...why does time move slowly when you're waiting for it to move, but when you want it to stand still, it speeds up? One of lifes wonderful mysteries..
Edward says he wants to talk to my brother...but he won't tell me what he wants to talk to him about. What does he want to talk to him about? Now my curiousity is killing me. My brother doesn't even get home for another hour! Edward says he'll tell me what he wants to talk to him about after he talks to my brother...which is probably going to be another whole day of me wondering what he wants to talk to him about! I hate waiting. I really do. And this whole next year is just going to be waiting, isn't it? Darn. I'm gonna have to find somethings to fill up my time while he's away...maybe I can find a school to transfer to that has a lot of activities I'm interested in....

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I think my fiance, Edward is a little made at me. I don't really understand why though. His mom stopped by yesterday, and apparently she felt I was a little rude when she came over. I wasn't trying to be rude, but whatever. Whenever he tells me what they've told him about me, it sounds like they don't like me. And he likes to tell me that isn't true, but I still feel like his mom hates me. His dad is cool. I'm totally calm and relaxed around his dad, I could chill with him. But his mom makes me soo nervous! Ugh.
He has a really close knit family. I don't. So whenever I'm around his family, I get nervous. I don't know how to be close with a family I don't fully know when I have a hard time getting close to my own family--except for my mom. There are so many things I could have talked to his mom about yesterday--the wedding plans, how my schoolwork was coming, how excited I am to see Edward this weekend ,etc. But I got so nervous that I couldn't remember any of those things. And now Ed won't even talk to me! (He keeps making excuses to get off the phone, and says we'll talk when I get there.) Ugh. This is so frustrating. I don't even know what I how to rant about it in my blog; it's so complicated and confusing.
I want his family to love me. Heck, I just want them to like me for me. His mom seems to have the biggest issues with me, yet she constantly tells me how she wants me to marry Edward. Hello? Confusion, anyone? Gotta love family issues with the future in-laws..
Hopefully we'll get this all straightened out before he leaves for Iraq.

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Yeah. The title pretty much sums it up. I haven't been able to do much beyond eating, sleeping, and crying. Edward left for Iraq last Sunday. All I dream about now is him returning, safe and sound, for a huge hug and kiss from me. I miss him so much. I'm trying to keep busy by playing Tetris and working on my schoolwork (Tetris is working a heck of a lot better), but it only works for a lil while before I break down again. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't come home. We have to get married, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. I can't do that by myself. And I don't want to go to a funeral in the next year or so. The only funeral of his I'll go to is the one where he's died of natural causes, and not because some guy shot him. Please pray that he stays safe. Please. I need him to stay safe.

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I want to scream. I'm having major cramps, I miss my fiance terribly, and I'm having the most difficult time getting my assignments done for class. I just don't want to do them. (It's really only one half-finished assignment and discussion postings...and the postings are what I'm really trying to avoid for as long as possible.) The time monitor/plan? Forget the plan--I was too inconsistent with whatever I was doing once Ed left. Though I would like to see if I could actually follow a schedule, even for a day. I don't know if I should turn the assignment in for partial credit or try and email my professor and explain the situation or what. Aye. At least I have a little over twelve hours to decide still. Though she'll probably mention it in the mandatory chat tonight..

Jay wanted to see my left hand at church yesterday..to find out if I was lying about being engaged? I dunno, but my ring is not actually an engagement ring...even though I AM engaged. The ring I'm wearing right now is a promise ring Ed gave me when he first left for bootcamp. I'm not sure how badly I really want or need an engagement ring. Doesn't a wedding band mean something more? I'd rather a wedding band than an engagement ring to only be worn for a few months..

During service, Pastor Karl mention the Army and the war in Iraq. Nothing specifically about it, but about the training the Army provides you before sending you off to war. I just got a day off from my incessant worrying, and he brought it back. Thanx, Karl. Anyway, something he said got me to thinking. About a really big decision I've been struggling with for years..I want to talk to Ed about it when he comes back though before I say what it is. I've been able to push the issue under the surface for quite awhile, but Karl said something (don't remember exactly what) that brought it right back to surface. I was so happy just avoiding it! Wow. Karl brought up two issues for me. Thanx again, Karl..grr.

Emily has decided to have me come over to her house every Thursday. (I agreed, so I can't really complain, but she's not my favorite person in the world.) I'm hoping it gets us a better relationship before I marry Ed. (For those that don't know, Emily is Ed's mom. I'm not comfortable calling her my mom though. Even if she is going to be my mother in law..) I love his sister's though; Elisa is soo cute! And Erica's cool. I dunno about Elexis though, she's kinda quiet really. At least, it seems that way around me. I don't really know Eric and Xiomara though, and they don't live here (at least, I don't think they do) so I can't say anything about them. I met them only twice before...

Everyone, please keep praying for Ed and everyone else in his unit that's over in Kuwait right now. Please. I need him to come home; I don't know if I could handle him not coming home and I really don't want to find out for sure. Just pray for him, ok? That's all I want from you guys right now. Just to pray for him and all of the soldiers fighting for our freedom overseas.

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Wow. I haven't blogged on here in almost two weeks. Sorry, I've been busy trying to catch up on schoolwork (unsuccessfully). And I've got a major paper due tonight that I am having a really hard time finishing. Can you start a paragraph with the word 'Which', or is that bad grammar??
I actually don't care. I probably should, but I don't. My grandma passed away the other night on Saturday and I can't stop think about her. Mostly about how she's not going to be at my wedding, which is something I really wanted. Yeah, she'll be there in spirit. But it's not the same. I can't even imagine my wedding day anymore, even though I still want to get married. I don't know. I just feel like I've lost control over everything. Emily wants me to use fake flowers at my wedding; I think fake flowers are ugly. She wants me to get my hair done by someone she knows cause it'll be free; I don't care about the money when it comes to my hair, I want to be able to trust the person doing my hair. I can't trust someone I don't know; Cindy, the girls who's been cutting my hair since I was nine will be doing my hair. I don't want the same photographer that Eric and Xiomara had at their wedding; I know plenty of photographer who can take way better pics. My dress? It's going to look good. Trust me. Just stop telling me how to plan my own wedding! It's my wedding, what I want I'm gonna get. Well, as long as Ed's okay with the decisions. It is his wedding too, isn't it?
Which reminds me, I finally got an address to mail him care packages and things! As soon as UPS drops off my MilKit...it's been 10 days; you said 7-10 days for delivery. I'm gonna complain if it's not delivered today. Actually, I shouldn't count the weekends, but still. He mailed me something within the last month (don't know what..and he won't tell..), I want to mail him something too! Aye.
I'm gonna go try and finish my paper now..wish me luck! (I need an 'A' in this course!)

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