I went to the doctor's yesterday. She ordered, like, 10 different blood tests because she wants to rule out the possibility of me having POS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). That sounds like so much fun! Not. And this morning, I got to visit the dentist. It wasn't so bad, and it's over with now. I don't got to worry about going to the dentist again until the end of March!
We did a lot of running around yesterday after my doctors appointment; my mom had an eye doctor appointment in Orlando, and then we stopped at Wal Mart. All of the driving around gave me plenty of time to read my textbook for class, so I'm pretty much all caught up there. While we were at Wal Mart, I picked up Justin Timberlake's new album, Futuresex/Lovesounds. It's not a bad album. But the track entitled 'What Goes Around'--I think it's about Britney...listen to it and decide for yourself. (Go to Napster or something legal, I won't be putting it on here illegally.) Or you can just view the lyrics here..
In other news, I talked to my fiance again last night. He asked if I wanted to go visit him in Texas next weekend before he leaves for Iraq. Hello! Of course, I want to. Whether or not I'd be able to is what I don't know. I'm going to talk to my mom about it soon, but I'm a little scared. Isn't always scary to ask your parents if you can do something very grown-up, like fly halfway across the country by yourself to visit a boyfriend/fiance? I don't think I'm alone on this one here.
We've still got some wedding details I want to have worked out before he leaves too. I know we've talked a little bit about some of the plans, but I don't think there's really anything definite yet. I'd like to set a date (my main priority), choose a definitive color scheme, etc. If I get to visit him in Texas, I think I'll have more of a chance to get those things decided.
Oh, and about the cd mix I want to give him. I have decided on a few songs, I just don't know what order I want to place the tracks. Each song has some sort of special meaning to us and our relationship, and I want it to be like a timeline of our love, but I can't think of a way to put it together and still have it flow the way a cd should. He's supposed to give me a list of some of his favorite songs, so that may help if I need to bridge some tracks together and make it flow. Does that make any sense? I think it does, but I'm gonna end this entry here since it's getting kinda long and I tend to ramble with the more I write.

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You know what's stressing me out the most right now? Ed. In different ways too. In one way, I'm stressing out about life without him. He's headed to Iraq at the end of the month, and all I can do is pray that he will return, safe and sound. I want more than prayers, I want some sort of sign to show me that he really is going to come home alive and well. I don't know what I'll do if, God forbid, anything happens and I'm forced to move on without him. I don't think I could do it. I really don't know.
On the other hand, I feel like our wedding isn't that far off, and I've basically got to do all of the planning myself. I know both our parents will help me out, but still. There are still some decisions I've got to make and some of them I don't know if he'll be okay with or not. Like the color scheme? What if I pick something he doesn't like? I know he's not going to Iraq until the end of the month, so I still have time to call him and ask him about some of the details, but what if I forget something? What if I think of something I need to ask him, that needs an immediate answer, but he's in Iraq and we can't call each other on the phone? It's not my wedding, it's our wedding. I want him to be happy with the ceremony too.
School is also very stressful. And I'm only taking one online course! It's more likely that I'm stressing over getting my schoolwork done and turned in on time while my laptop keeps crashing everytime I try to go online. Yeah, I got two other computers I can use, but what about those times when it's unavailable? Ugh. Why does life got to be some complicated?
Anyway, I'm fixing to head over to Bloomingdale's to complete a second application for a job there. I'd love to be a sales associate over there, I could work my way up to managing a Bloomingdale's department (in time)!

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I think I have cold feet, but I'm not really sure. I don't really know what it means to have cold feet. I mean, I'm panicking over what I know are tiny little things that I shouldn't worry about. But I keep worrying about them, and wondering how we'll be able to compromise a solution. I'm also dreaming of the honeymoon. I don't know where we'll go on our honeymoon, but I do know that I want it to be awesome. I think that's partly why I'd prefer a smaller, more intimate wedding. We could spend less money on the actual wedding ceremony, and more on the honeymoon.

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So, I'm trying to get ahead in my schoolwork so I don't fall behind while I'm off in Texas this weekend, and I can't find the quiz that's supposedly available on the site to complete it! Grr. I think I may email her tomorrow morning if I'm still unable to find where it's posted at.
I cannot wait until this weekend, people. I can't even sleep I'm too excited and nervous all at once. Sigh. Four and a half days until I get to see my fiance again! It doesn't seem really real yet for some reason. I think it'll finally feel totally real once I have a suitcase to pack my stuff in on Friday. And when I go shopping for bridal magazines on Friday. I talked to him yesterday, and he said they'd let me carry a CD-Player on board, but I can't listen to it...uh, that's kinda the point in bringing it onboard, so I don't have to pay to listen to music on the plane that I already own. It's not like I have much money in the first place, but whatever. His dad stopped by and gave me some money to use on the plane and a hotel if I should need it. (My fiance lives on a mil. base and it may or may not be allowable to have me stay with him on Sunday night..) It's technically Edward's money, since he's going to pay his dad back.
Have you ever seen Sleepy Hollow? If you're into horror movies, go see it. If not, DON'T WATCH IT. Seriously. I love Johnny Depp, and I've always kinda wanted to see this movie. Well, it was on TNT yesterday afternoon, and I watched about 10-15 minutes of it before I was jumping up and squirming because of what happened on-screen. I tuned in about half-way through the movie too, so I don't know what happened before the parts I saw, but I told my fiance (who's seen the movie) that I'll watch with him so he can tell me when to shield my eyes. Ehh. It's a creepy movie from what I can tell.
I've made a list of some possible songs to play at our wedding. There's two definites on there, and then the rest may or may not be played. Our weddings not for another year or so, so there's plenty of time to decide on a final song list right? I think my aunt may end up singing at our wedding. I didn't even know she sang, but apparently she sang at my parents wedding! Some of the songs though, including one of the definites, are made for a guy to sing. (My Girl is definitely for a guy to sing, not a girl...)
I think I may have found thee perfect ceremony and reception site. (http://www.cypressgrovepark.com). I requested more information about the weddings they hold there, and I'm going to visit the place sometime in the next few months hopefully.

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Wow. I haven't blogged on here in almost two weeks. Sorry, I've been busy trying to catch up on schoolwork (unsuccessfully). And I've got a major paper due tonight that I am having a really hard time finishing. Can you start a paragraph with the word 'Which', or is that bad grammar??
I actually don't care. I probably should, but I don't. My grandma passed away the other night on Saturday and I can't stop think about her. Mostly about how she's not going to be at my wedding, which is something I really wanted. Yeah, she'll be there in spirit. But it's not the same. I can't even imagine my wedding day anymore, even though I still want to get married. I don't know. I just feel like I've lost control over everything. Emily wants me to use fake flowers at my wedding; I think fake flowers are ugly. She wants me to get my hair done by someone she knows cause it'll be free; I don't care about the money when it comes to my hair, I want to be able to trust the person doing my hair. I can't trust someone I don't know; Cindy, the girls who's been cutting my hair since I was nine will be doing my hair. I don't want the same photographer that Eric and Xiomara had at their wedding; I know plenty of photographer who can take way better pics. My dress? It's going to look good. Trust me. Just stop telling me how to plan my own wedding! It's my wedding, what I want I'm gonna get. Well, as long as Ed's okay with the decisions. It is his wedding too, isn't it?
Which reminds me, I finally got an address to mail him care packages and things! As soon as UPS drops off my MilKit...it's been 10 days; you said 7-10 days for delivery. I'm gonna complain if it's not delivered today. Actually, I shouldn't count the weekends, but still. He mailed me something within the last month (don't know what..and he won't tell..), I want to mail him something too! Aye.
I'm gonna go try and finish my paper now..wish me luck! (I need an 'A' in this course!)

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