Well, Ed says to stop worrying about the money for the DTS, but I can't, no matter how hard I try. And as I printed out the application I realized I misled myself. When I was looking up the cost and dates of Lausanne, Switzerland's DTS on the website, they list 3690 CHF as the cost. But that's only for the lecture phase-NOT the outreach phase. The outreach phase (as indicated on the application form) is another 3500-5500 CHF making the total cost about as much as New Zealand. (The total would now be closer to 5000/6000 USD.)

I have a ton of questions I want to email and ask them about though. First of all, I'd need to let them know I'll be needing a Visa if I go. (They actually request you inform them of need for a Visa before completing the application.) My other questions are listed below. (Some of the answers I can kind of guess at the appropriate answer, but it never hurts to ask and always better to know for certain than to assume!)

The website donations page mentions donating toward a scholarship fund. I'd like to know how one demonstrates need for financial aid and/or how to apply for this scholarship? I may be able to raise enough money for the lecture or outreach phase, but I don't know about raising enough money for both phases of the DTS.

I'd also love to do a little exploring while I'm in Switzerland. Is there going to be any free time on the weekends to visit tourist sites such as Jet d'eau? If there is not, and I wanted to come or stay a week or so before and after the DTS begin and end dates, would I need a host family to stay with during those times?

As for the outreach locations, I've noticed a few bases state that the students are allowed to choose and outreach site. I was wondering if YWAM Lausanne allows students to pick their preferred outreach location or if it is assigned come time for the outreach portion of the DTS?

All of these sorts of things are what I'm going to be worried about until I'm actually over there, or when the DTS begins without me. I'm not so much worried about the application itself though, nor about getting references. (Well, other than the teacher/employer reference, but I got other more important things to worry about.) I think I'm going to try and call Esther tomorrow and tell her to call me if I can't reach her. I've got some questions for her as well.

If it comes down to me having to raise a few thousand dollars, I really don't know how I'll do it. Esther tells me that I'm a creative person and will probably be able to make some things to sell, but I dunno about a couple thousand dollars worth. Jewelry making, Website making, and babysitting aren't real big moneymakers. Not unless one manages to sell A TON of the product. Or gets A LOT of babysitting gigs.

Ugh. This is so frustrating. Lord, HELP ME! I know it will all be worth in the end, whether God wants me to be there now or later. I think it'd be kind of cool if Ed and I could do it as a couple, but I don't think that's possible for another couple of years, granted we have the money for it and he's wanting to go and do something like this together. I dunno, maybe it'd just be easier to buy a laptop (since I didn't get it for Christmas as previously expected..) and start saving for another couple of years or something?? I don't know. I'm just so confused, I really don't know even know what I want anymore other than Switzerland is beautiful and I would love to go to YWAM Lausanne someday. Hopefully someday soon, like April!

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Ever heard of YWAM? (Stands for Youth With A Mission.) Esther is down in Argentina working in their base they have down there. Well, through our many emails, she has been telling me I should do something similar. And I'm not really against the idea. I've been kinda interested since she first told me she was doing it back in March. This past week I finally took a peek at the YWAM site, http://www.ywam.org, and found one that I would really love to participate in. The dates are perfect, I'd be home when Ed is, but I'd also have something to do for the 5 months in between seeing him. It's also in New Zealand...that's not really a huge problem, I've got a passport (I think...it may not be active anymore.), but it does bring up some interesting questions about the situation I'm in right now. (Ok, so situation isn't the best terminology for it, but I can't think of what else to call it..it'd be a 'situation' once I got to NZ though.)

Anyways, as I was surfing the NZ base site, http://www.ywam-oakridge.org.nz, I've been trying to find out about the financial-portion of the program, like how much it costs and I've been unsuccessful in finding it. Is there anyone who could help me find that out? I'd ask Esther, but she's a little unavailable right at the moment, and I want to find out everything I can about this as soon as I can. (Like in the next few days!)

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So..my dearest fiance has woken me up the past two mornings by calling me at 5 AM. Considering he's in Iraq, and I can't always be with him yet, I think it's the perfect way to wake up in the morning. I uploaded new pictures to MySpace for him to view, hopefully he's had time to do so. He also got Yahoo IM, finally! Pray that he can get on tomorrow so we can chat. Can you save the conversations on there? I know you can on MSN/Hotmail, and I would LOVE to save the convos we have over the next few months. Also, he may be coming home for leave earlier than planned. Not sure how early, but he's still going to try and make it as close to our anticipated leave time as he can. (We planned on him being home for my birthday, he may be coming home a week or two before instead. He's also been offered the option of coming home for Christmas instead of waiting 'til the New Year.) I'm hoping it works out the way we want it to, 6 months in Iraq-15 Day leave-6 months in Iraq-HOME. That's why we picked the leave when we did. But you know, it's the military. They don't really get to pick and choose everything all the time.
Heather's coming home this week! Yay! We're going to have to go to lunch or a movie or something while she's here. I haven't seen her since August; we've gotta catch up. Esther also coming home next month, in December. Esther is my best friend in the whole world, and I can't wait for her to return! I haven't seen her since June! We gotta catch up on what she's been doing in Argentina, and what I've been doing while she was there. (We email constantly, but it's not the same.) Plus, she has to keep me busy so I don't worry too much about Edward. The Youth Christmas party is in two weeks, too. I don't know what I'm going to bring, but apparently we're supposed to bring something. Could be a good excuse to have some baked ziti...(my favorite meal).

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You know what's stressing me out the most right now? Ed. In different ways too. In one way, I'm stressing out about life without him. He's headed to Iraq at the end of the month, and all I can do is pray that he will return, safe and sound. I want more than prayers, I want some sort of sign to show me that he really is going to come home alive and well. I don't know what I'll do if, God forbid, anything happens and I'm forced to move on without him. I don't think I could do it. I really don't know.
On the other hand, I feel like our wedding isn't that far off, and I've basically got to do all of the planning myself. I know both our parents will help me out, but still. There are still some decisions I've got to make and some of them I don't know if he'll be okay with or not. Like the color scheme? What if I pick something he doesn't like? I know he's not going to Iraq until the end of the month, so I still have time to call him and ask him about some of the details, but what if I forget something? What if I think of something I need to ask him, that needs an immediate answer, but he's in Iraq and we can't call each other on the phone? It's not my wedding, it's our wedding. I want him to be happy with the ceremony too.
School is also very stressful. And I'm only taking one online course! It's more likely that I'm stressing over getting my schoolwork done and turned in on time while my laptop keeps crashing everytime I try to go online. Yeah, I got two other computers I can use, but what about those times when it's unavailable? Ugh. Why does life got to be some complicated?
Anyway, I'm fixing to head over to Bloomingdale's to complete a second application for a job there. I'd love to be a sales associate over there, I could work my way up to managing a Bloomingdale's department (in time)!

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So, I went to Bloomingdale's yesterday and completed the second application. I forgot the name of the person who recommended me, and ended up putting that I'd found out they were hiring through the internet instead. I emailed her this morning pointing out my mistake..probably should have just left it as it was, and let it go. Eh, the emails already in her inbox now, not much else I can do about it.
I talked to Ed again. Apparently he has 15 days of vacations he can use next year between January and August before he comes home in November. He wants me to pick a month for him to come back so we can married, I think. I don't know, but he said he wants my input on when I want him to come home for vacation. We both agreed that it should be more toward July or August, cause then when he left he'd only have a few months left before he comes home for good. I'm leaning more towards June or July though. I don't know. I guess we still got a little time before we have to decide on that though.
In other news...wait. What other news? I don't think I have anything else to write about...I could talk about school, but what about it? Hm. My professor extended the deadline for one of our papers which helped me out a little bit. I turned in the assignment today (the deadline is tonight at 11:55), although I'm still not unsure of one of the questions. I don't feel like fixing it though, so I decided to be lazy and turn it in anyway. It's probably going to hurt me on a point or two. Ugh. Oh, well. I know better for next time, right?
I'm thinking of entered Seventeen's 'Be a Guest Editor' contest. I love writing, and I've always wanted to be an editor of a magazine. This could be my chance. I just have to think of something to write about. Any ideas? I was thinking of writing about my fiance going to Iraq, but that seems like it's overdone in the media nowadays. They have plenty of soldier stories out there, don't they? I want to do something different! Come on, people; give me some ideas!!!

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I talked to Ed again. I'm trying to come up with a list of songs he enjoys, so I can make him a mix cd and send it to him in Iraq. That way, when he gets bored or wants to listen to some music, he has a cd ready to go. He wasn't much help when I asked him what some of his favorite songs were. That's okay, I've thought about maybe 20 possible songs I could include.
We also talked about going back to Texas after our wedding. He suggested two things: I could wait in FL until he's found an apartment for the two of us and then fly out there and be with him or drive back with him and search for an apartment together. (I'd live in a hotel until we found a place.) The latter would be more expensive, but I think I want to drive back with him. I don't want to be apart once we're married, even if it would only be another few weeks or so. Plus, he wouldn't have to drive the whole way to Texas by himself. (He says he's still going to do that anyway, but we'll see..)
Bloomingdale's still hasn't called. I don't know if they will or not, and I know it's only been a few days, but something tells me I'm not going to be working there right now. Oh, well. Green Meadows Farm is hiring tour guides and people to give horseback rides. It wouldn't be a horrible job except that I would be outside for 4-5 hours a day. But it looks like the pay rate starts at $8.50 an hour! I don't know, I think I'm going to give it another week for Bloomingdale's and then I might apply at Green Meadows.

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