morning..*tired*

my back hurts. i dunch noe y. i had a dream last nite. i was too happy, but i realise tt dreams r de opposite rite? i actually dreamt tt dearie n i got bk togeda. was too delighted, quickly get my fone intending to sms. den sth struck me. "gosh, its all a dream!!" argh..i'm sooo sad.

sigh..and i cant type anythg into dearie's sis (qiwen) tag board. they sae de html code does not exist. omg. gonna try ltr again in de office.

*i miss you*

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i miss my rabbit hu died..took tis from qiwen's blog.. :)

adopt your own virtual pet!

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Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."


What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla


its been one wk..sobz.

din reali go out yesterday. jus wen to Parkway to collect my specs. no one was free anyway. decided to have my dinner at Delifrance alone. i tink i chose de wrong location n de wrong seat. Fisrtly, de place was playin de song "I miss you like crazy" and secondly, i was sitting between 2 couples. so ya, u cld guess how i felt. *cries*

headed home after tt. i ate too much again. tis time reali vomitted. suk. time was passing so slow. i kept lookin for food to kp myself occupied. stupid rite? it means i'm getting fatter too. :(

was online de whole nite..tryin to make myself super-tired so tt i can slp immediately without pondering. but i kept wakin up in de middle of de nite. hai. so it was difficult to slp back.

took tis from my fren's blog..(if ur wanna noe, jus tel me ya zodiac lo)

VIRGO & PISCES: This is a polarity attraction. You are enamored by the Pisces empathetic ways and in turn the Fish needs your practical direction. Pisces' sexuality can bring out the erotic side in you.

PISCES & VIRGO: This is your polar attraction. It can be extremely perverse in the bedroom, but difficult at a mental level. You are impractical and this will really try the Virgoans patience.

How true can tis be? i got no idea..anyway..argh.. :(

guess i jus end off here. nth much these daes. hope dearie is doin fine wif his work, n gettin enuf slp. *prays*

*i miss you*

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i'm bk..tired..zz..

Sunday~
wen for my driving in noon..was hopin to c dearie..wen to check his car number, prayin tt it wun be tt idiotic instructor tt always scold him. phew, it was "36"! he nv got tt b4, but i feel hapi cos at least its not tt guy..din c him ard, was kinda sad, like no fate. only saw 34, 35, 38 n 40..but jus not his..

proceeded to my assigned car..sat there solemly, reali feelin sad. instructor tok to me, i only "orh", "yes". sigh..was tryin to get out of all de cars blockin, and guess wad, i saw 36!! oh my, i was like, gosh! so happy. i dunno if he saw me, but i was reali delighted.

soon, i saw him de 2nd time! was driving ard, n i saw him again! hai, but lesson was tough. learn about reversing n directional change n i kept hitting de kerb which reali piss me. either i reverse too earli or too late. was quite sad. wen lesson ended, i already saw car 36 empty. so i guess dearie had left..hai~

but he did msg me, askin me how was my driving..hai. but din tok much. he told me he mite be going out. tts all. i wen to city link..walked alone..bought a top from mphosis..i tink i reali gonna go broke. was tinkin of him as usual..saw tis shirt at stussy kinda nice, was tinkin of buyin for him. but if he dun wan to mit, den how i gonna pass? zz..thru his sis? argh..dunno..

tho it was father's dae, nth much happen. i wen home..wen to de gym..watch vcd to pass time..force myself to slp..

Monday~
made some sales today at work..some bitch stuff happen at work today. haha, such a person actually exist in tis world. hai, shant leak out here. those hu noe, will noe wad i'm tokin. i somehow understand tis phrase "dun judge a book by its cover". its reali happening in my workplace. some ppl i nv expect..will actually...hai.. and xxx has such an innocent sweet look.

kept wanting time to pass faster cos i was reali bored. can only look at de 4 walls. pathetic all i can sae. anyway now after work also nth much to look forward to cos..u noe..me n dearie..ya..wonder how he's doin rite now.. sigh.

hmm, but one of my buddy roanna (i always call her ro-ro) asked me out. heh heh. also gd la, i dun wanna stay at home. will only miss him more. tryin to look fine in front of those hu r concern, but deep down, i stil feel sad. sometimes wen i'm on my way home, i jus cry..hai..is it meant to be tt way? i dun tink i'll c him le.. cos i dunno wen is his next driving lesson le.. sobz.

wen to orchard wif my buddy. its simply gr8 to b wif her. we chat about everythg n anythg under de sun. or moon? haha. hope to mit up wif her again. she's always there 4 me. thanks ro! n de rest of the PIGS too!

tml is only tues..hai..i miss him. ~

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*yawns*

couldnt slp well for de past few nites. hav been forcing myself to get to slp fast and to wake up late, but..zz..failed.

not much of a update since dearie n i r no longer togeda. yest i saw sth (about dearie n me) which made me puzzled n worried. i couldnt stand de suspense. had to clarify wif him if not i will jus let my imagination go wild. i immediately left home, n took a cab to his place. i din care whether he was stil asleep or wad. all i wanted was to make sure my deduction bout wad i saw was wrong. i only msg him wen i reach his void deck. he was stil sleepin of cuz. but i told him to tk his time, cos i'll definitely wait.

while i was waiting, i saw his mum. she jus got bk from de hawker centre i suppose. she asked me to go upstairs, but hmm i tout she din noe bout us, so i said" no la, its ok". he came soon after. i feel bad cos he looked reali tired. i asked him wad i wanted to noe, n realised tt my deduction was all wrong. its between us la, so not gonna explain much here. n on fri, he actually wen walkin alone after meeting him. he did sae sori bout lyin to me, sayin he was meetin his family. i cld guess tt anyway. but its ok, i noe he needs time aloone.

he did ask me go his hse drink coffee, but i said "nvm". zz..

we chatted quite awhile downstairs. saw his sis too, on de way to mit her bf? sigh, wen i saw his mum n sis, felt kinda sad, cos its like, i wun b able to c dem le. :(

somehow, we stil seem like a couple, but he din mention anythg bout gettin bk so i jus kept silent. he told me some work stuff n i also told him mine. hai. but but..hai, he did tell me "dun treat me so gd". sigh, mayb i'm havin a one-sided love all these while. am i very silly? ..i left soon after n he said "c u tml" (cos of driving lesson). i dunno to be happy or wad. mayb wun b fated to c him ltr anyway. de driving centre so big. *sadden* i cant call him..i cant c him..i cant go out wif him.. argghhh!

got home by noon, wen to de gym to fa xie. sigh, was reminded of him as usual. he'll b there doin his weights..while i did my stuff. its been long since we wen swimming n sun-tanning too. *cries*

wen to Parkway wif parents in de late afternoon. tried my best to look ok. bought quite a number of clothes but not in de mood to post..met up wif my sec sch frenz ltr at nite @ Wheelock. bought an adidas shoe..sigh. but how cum i dun feel happy de? chatted wif dem @ Olio Dome.. hai. i tink i sigh too much. :(

dunno how he's gonna survive his work tml. he will be alone there without de help from his manager. hope all goes well for him. prays tt he dun get complain from customers. if not very jialat de! *prays*

not reali lookin forward to my driving ltr..got no plans after tt. hai~

*i miss you*

How to make a Jacqueline

Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 1 part courage 5 parts leadership

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!

today was de farewell day..

work sux as usual. he put me into de call centre today. i had to make sales for him. somg customers were fine but some, are jus gettin on my nerves. i managed to clinch a number of deals n he was like so happy until he almost hug me. i'm referrin to de manager in case u r wonderin. heng , i managed to shan3, i told him "dun u ever touch me". nth much to sae. jus tt i gonna suffer for de next 2 wks. cos i cant surf de net n cant use my fone.

i feel like pukin..somedays i din eat, n today i gorge myself wif food. and its mostly chocolate stuff! now, i wanna vomit..

was supposed to mit dearie today. initially he wanted to cancel it off, but i pleaded n told him its only for awhile, so he said alrite. met him at city hall n we wen towards suntec. managed to buy my father's dae gift. i noe i very last min. :p sad to sae, he told me he had to leave earli cos meeting family for dinner..so i din spend much time wif him. he was headin to orchard n i accompanied him. i requested for a bit of time for us to tok, so we stood at de train there.

i pass him some stuff. more importantly, its a letter n a foto frame. guess wad i wan to sae its all written there. tt was like my farewell gift to him. de foto i put was de one we took on my bdae tis yr. a memorable one. told him to tk care of himself, not 2b 2 stress at work cos he has more responsibility at work now. his training jus ended today so hope his work next wk wun b too xiong. i told him not to worry, cos i wun b disturbin him anymore. wun send any more sms-es since tts wad he wans i guess. n definitely not wad i wan. i'm tinkin of leaving sg for de time being too.. perhaps over de weekend or sth lidat. hai. as i tok to him, i cried. tried to hold on to my tears but i jus couldnt. i din care how many ppl were lookin at me at de train stn. i couldnt giv a damn. in my mind, i was jus tellin myself, "sae wad u wan, no more time left".

i told myself tt i cant msg him anymore from tt moment. i dunno if i can do tt. n i dunno if wad i'm doin is rite. tho i mite sae not to contact him anymore, my mind will stil be like tinkin of him. somehow, i'm stil tryin to hold on to some hope. am i very stupid? am i like a fool? .........i reali dunno wad to do.

we parted soon as he had to leave. i left unwillingly cryin along de way home. sorrow filled my heart. used to hav him sendin my home..makin sure tt i was home safely..

i wonder if i wld b able to giv him my blessin if he finds a new ger. he'll always b on my mind..i wonder how easy he manage to forget me. if he ever reads tis, which i doubt so, all i can assure is tt wherever i mite be.. if he's experiencing a downturn in life due to work or wadever,i'll be there silently prayin for his safety n happiness..makin sure tt things go well for him n his family..other things mite be unpredictable, but tis promise can be sure.

i'll b missing you dear. tk gd care of urself.

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