Hello again NuTang. I apologize for going on yet another short-term hiatus from posting, but I have had a lot going on these past couple of weeks. College resumed about a month ago, and I'm fervently serious about getting a 4.0gpa for the next 4 semesters so that I can finally FINALLY transfer out completely. I have decided that SDSU, as great a university it is, doesn't fit my current goals in life, thus I have the goal of transferring to UCSD by the winter of 06'. Seems far away, but time flies.

Academically, I need to keep my game up, if not kick it up several notches. I want to be recognized by Phi Theta Kappa (if there is even a chapter at UCSD), maybe join a frat, definitely graduate with honors, and join as many organizations as humanly possible. But first things first, keep my grades up and constant. If (or should I say when) I do achieve my goals of 4.0s for the next four semesters, I would have a transferring GPA of 3.57. It's not impossible, but it is going to take a lot of work, patience, perserverence, and most of all, effort, but it's going to be worth it when I get there. =)

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I know I should not feel this way. But I do. I am solemn, alone, restless. I can do nothing but contemplate how my life is and the successes I have thus achieved; but with each success comes a price. I wake myself each day to a beautiful world, full of things beyond my everyday perception. Yet I feel alone. But I know I'm not. I have the love and support of my family, and some of the best friends I could ask for. Yet I feel alone. At least right now I do.

I ask myself why I feel this way. It's quite simple now that I think about it. My trust has been broken. And I have broken trust. It's a double standard that I cannot overlook. I made mistakes and did my best to grow from them. Yet here I am, feeling sorrow, sadness; an arduous night will definitely follow, although I know I have all the support I need.

My mental emotional struggles bind me to where I almost can't breathe. I feel pain when I should feel happiness. Anger rises when I know it should not. It's not worth it I tell myself. Yet here I am, angry for what has happened.

Broken faith has lead me into this path that I trace with my fingertips each day I rise. Friendships I thought would live with me for the rest of my life have died. And along with them my trust in those I once truly cared for. Now a simple image of them spurns a lifetime of torment and a burning desire to know why. Is this what you all wanted? An enemy? An adversary?

I will not let any of you get the best of me. Because none of you deserve any recognition for the infinite possibilities our once fruitful friendships held. Apathy is all you will get from me this day forward. Nothing more.

Nothing more.

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