I like to play with my Nintendo Wii and newly acquired Nintendo DS Lite… so what? There’s absolutely nothing with that. I’ve gone through more mobile phones than many people I know… and? YES, I have more than one car. Who cares? There are so many things that are on repeat in my mind that it’s almost become routine. For one, I will always - no matter how much I try or what I do - be stigmatized for being an only child. Uno. Solitary. Nagiisa. Whatever. Yet, that does not prevent me from living my life and fighting the stereotype. Like I said to some co-workers this past Friday, I worked my ass off for a lot of the things I have, yet there are things that will come easier for me, because I am an only child.

Enough with that rant though. To sum it up, I can act arrogant and selfish, but don’t let that be your only perception of who I am if you’ve never met me (or if you have) because as with anyone, everybody has multiple facets to their personality, and I just so happened to come off more conceited and self-centered than many are comfortable with. I admit that and I know that for a fact. Oftentimes my biggest enemy is myself; My mind likes to throw things at me that cause insecurity and thus has me reeling from the mental and emotional pain I cause myself.

A lot of my current battles are struggles with image and intellect. “If you don’t do it Marc, someone else will” is what I always tell myself every time I’m on the verge of failure (giving up). My co-worker Mary told me that you should never compare yourself to anyone else, because it’s not going to get you anywhere; Everyone has their own sets of strengths and weaknesses but everyone is also equally prone to themselves. That is why I’m only working against myself now. Before, I tried too hard and looked to others as I set my own goals, which to a point is not bad, but when it comes down to it, I never looked at myself to see where I was heading.

To be honest with you, I think I’m more vulnerable now then I was maybe two or three years ago, but I’ve developed a belief and confidence in myself now that it is that much more secure; I can actually walk down a busy downtown sidewalk on my way to work now without worrying what those people around me think. Seriously, I had major image issues. Maybe it is an only child thing.

Now I’m off to do a mini workout session before getting down with some Theme Park on the DS lite.

Zoom.

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Sometimes I feel it isn’t enough to just have a blog; To write in, to be myself in. At times I feel like I have to get naked deface my blog to get people to read my every-other-day and then some ramblings. I mean really, what makes a blog worth reading? Or is it just what’s on the surface that counts? I mean I know the internet has more porn than the old man on family guy has the hots for Chris, but come on now.

It never really bothered me before. In fact, it never bothered me before at all. But I guess that’s what I get for blog-jumping like no other. From my days on blogger to my short-lived stints on blurty, livejournal and xanga, to this day I only manage my nuTang and this most recent reiteration of my personal life story through words, wordpress. Many of the reasons I kept changing journals and not keeping consistent with the majority of them is because of the history behind each one. Blogger was my first journal all throughout high school, then I cut ties with that journal the day I decided to move on from a failed relationship. The same can be said for xanga, except that was because of failed friendships. I debated on whether or not to delete my xanga, but after realizing that there’s no reason for living in the past anymore, I killed the thing and moved on.

Besides the obvious, I do also have a soundclick, which I use to upload some acapella recordings that I feel are worth putting up, a myspace music profile for the same reason as my soundclick, and a facebook, because I want to utilize my UCSD email address. I don’t update my blog(s) regularly because sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Not that there wasn’t anything worth writing about on a particular day, but I just don’t find it crucial to update all the time.

With that said, I’m going to work out now and detoxify my otherwise negatively polluted mind.

Zoom.

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