there isnt much to say at the moment. other then

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


i think my brains going to explode with memories, nightmares, and emots.


FUCK

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i've had nightmares for two nights in a row.

one with her

another with him....


wtf is wrong? somethings going to happen...

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Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it running through the air. I'm in a good mood. Thats something to note from the very begining. Next, bad things have been happening all day. ITs like my luck has run up and now its building up to something HUGE. I'm not dreaming, but i am. I hate nightmareish dreams but i forget them the moment i wake up. Then, as i go through out the day i remember flashes but never more than a second or two of them. Something i wrong. I'm terribly afraid. Tommorow is the slam. I'm tired of being afraid so i have created a false shell of certainty and i think this is my punishment for being pompous and bitchy. I am really serious. Little things add up, they have meanings. Ah. I am just not enjoying this whole thing. I can feel it and theres nothing i can do. Nothing.

a vauge emptyness fills me, a world glowing burning festering reaches for me. I turn away from this monster, head high, unaware of the hands reaching for my ankles. They yank hard. They pull me. I fall, hard. Dragged along a dirt road, it takes me in, it swallows me. And i am gone. A hollow shell of fear, and anxeity. I am gone.

Priscilla. Is gone.


He liked the old priscilla and not the "new cheerleader priscilla", well he never knew the real priscilla to begin with. And now, i and the world teamed together. have destroyed her. Good Bye. What can i do?


The dreams tell you. Life does You. Good luck. You'll need it.

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OK. Its Official. I'm addicted to tea. Its sick. I drink over 6 cups of tea a day. I wake up, have to have a cup of Tea. Come home, a cup of tea. Eat dinner, a cup of Tea, work in my room 2 or three cups of tea. SHIT. I really hope this isnt bad for me or something. In the morning i like a certain way and the same with later in the day. The morning, one packet of that equel stuff and milk. Afternoon Ice tea. Dinner, Ice Tea. Work, hot tea, no milk, no cream, and one packet of sugar. And i dont like lemon in my Ice Tea, lime only. SHIT am i picky like SHIT. ah. i like my tea though. Really getting addicted to this stuff. Someone tell me if its bad for you. Please.

ok So. Today was interesting. Bonnie and Jamie got in a fight with these black chicks. I was really calm. It happened. Im worried but what can i do? NOTHING. It happened. Ok. Hopefully everything is ok... thers a whole back story to it along with nifty little details. yeah fuck that. Too tired.

Oh yeah. Wore a skirt. Scary. Never doing it again.

So today. I realized something. Its bad. Its good. Its questionable. I really do enjoy this one particular kids presence in my life. Simply put i've had a crush on this stupid kid for a while now. Cant get rid of it, Refuse to act on it, Just living with it. Dont mind it. But today. I dont know. The kid. I just dont know. Maybe this is just me being a stupid girl, liking a kid who will never like me, being inane and childish. Yeah, he likes another girl. At least i think he does. I really should just turn my head and look into other prospects. There are other kids out there who are interesting. Just not as much fun. i dont know. I'm sick. There are people who have a simular humor out there and if not theyre still intriguing enough. I dont know. IT was just weird today. and this is me reading into people too much. damn psychoanalyzing shit.

i know who to chill with. Yeah. we can solve this problem. First, lets get him to go to the slam. After that. Yeah i'll fix this problem. I always do. somehow. If i dont forget about him first. Man. i sigh.

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

our launch was beautiful. BEAUTIFUL!!

straight, high, and it didnt explode.

all the engines ignited

the parachute came out

we owned.

he thought we'd fail. FUCK YESS!!

then my mom completly demolished my pride. Eh. We still did well.

AND rojo wasnt there. HAH

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and then words come to me, words hit me, words become me. I hear a message. i hear a warning. I hear the future.


ok i really need to finish my "dreams" poem. I will eventually. that was just a blurp that i wanted to write down before i lost it. i decided that i am not going to ask my mom about the slam competition. She wont let me go and i really do not want to instigate a fresh lecture about me and school. I cant take anymore. I can barely deal with living at the moment. My plate is too full.

Ok. i really am turning white but, oh well. There's this country/acoustic music that Hunter game me to listen to, and now that im listening to it i really do enjoy it. Thats kind of sick, but oh well. I think, no i know that i dig this music. Haha. But its acoustic and there is no doubt that i really like acoustic. The kid that im listening to right now is Wesley Keith and hes a college student who doesnt have a major ep yet but, hey the kid is good. IF anyone reads this go to www.wesleykeith.com i like it. its not COUNTRY but its close enough. ah good times.

Ive been watching the people around me, and i find a change in my self. There is no one for me to lean on. There is no one for me to talk to and i find my self becoming more brash, more open, more honest. The things that come out of this honest mouth though are not always the nicest things on earth. I got in a fight with this chick because i said she wasnt going to win President for Senior Class. (I ran for Vice President and my competition was the preps, i probably lost but thats ok because i learned alot, had fun, and took it as an experience) but anyways, the two main competitors in the President race were Tiger and Christen, and this one girl megan was running also but it was obvious that she had no chance. The girl is not popular. Even if she says that i dont know who she knows, that matters not. I am not an outcast in this school. I may not be the MOST popular person but i know my share of people if i may say. Everytime i would mention the name "megan yada" people would go, "whos that?" or "she wont win", sorry but thats the honest truth. and of course my personal opinion. And its not that i was talking behind her back, i was talking about the election in general and the overall competition. The fact that the chick brought it up and said "if you have something to say, say it to my face" and when i asked "what did i say" she told me she didnt want to talk about it. I am sorry, but no. You bring it up, you instigate an arguement, you finish it. I kept to my opinion that she was not popular and wouldnt win. Dont start a fucking arguement with me and anticipate for me to fully just accept and walk away. I dont know.

That kind of bothered me. I was ready (and slightly in the mood) for a good open arguement but she just laid down after i said what i had to say. I sigh. Maybe next time.

I want tiger and me to win. Like Clinton Gore, haha its not going to happen cause we're the underdogs against the mighty "Preps" (if anyone caught that sarcasm.) I think i lost but thats cool. I had fun.

I'm a bit of a sado i must admit and those things appeal to me. Not the heavy hardcore stuff but some yes. I must admit. (liking looking at strong and imagining slitting his throut for the pure pleasure) i dont know. but i learned that this one particular kid enjoys the pain. The kid i must admit is a genius though an asshole but the fact that hes a slight sado. I dont respect but enjoy the fact that he exists now other then just scorning his existance. Interesting what time reveals about a person.

I talked to ken last night. Which was of course interesting. THe kid is smart i must admit but he's also arrogant and pompous. and i was having a conversation with the whitt, bonnie, and rob and the whitt was like "hes an asian Marco" and i fucken freaked. Ken an asian marco? Yeah, its true. he is an asian marco. hah.

I also had another interesting convo with another kid from my past. JASON! he lives in houston and i havnt seen in a butload of time but, the kid i will always love. Hes a good kid. what scares the shit out of me is the fact that in a couple of months hes going to be graduating then its off to college. FUCKEN A! time really has passed. The last time we were in school together was in 7th grade. and then i started to think, Willy's probaby a what sohpmore junior in college? Uh, Zehan has a kid, and others have just dropped out of radar living their own personal lives. people grow up. I'm growing up. Interesting.

I find opportunities opening up as i go through school. People i should pay more attention to and others i should ignore. One kid, i do enjoy his company but, he makes me feel little. Hes Tall a football player and incredibly smart. But. not a philosophy kind, more like a book intellect. (The Count of Monte Cristo Unabridged) and more. and theres some kids i find interesting but they're to eager to please. I like challenge. then theres this one kid. one kid inparticular. i like this one. cant shake him either. probably bad for me to keep talking to him. but oh well. he's interesting. quite interesting. worth it if i keep my mouth shut and never act on anything. hrm...


I dont feel like going deep inside right now. I need to spill all of this stuff. i need it out. its stupid, superficial, and juvinile i know, but theres no one else to tell. no where else to release all of this. This is working. i feel better now, no matter how dumb.

eh.

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