Monday. 4.19.04 9:57 pm
Interesting. Quite interesting. So i was talking to this kid on the bus who was looking for a girl but didnt know where to find the good ones. and that got me thinking. and i was like well there are plently of girls in school who will fuck you, there's no doubt in that. Then we really started talking and he wants a certain type of girl and not just trash. Then i started to think about the people in school and there really arnt that many girls out there like the one he's looking for. they're all either taken or are bestfriends with boys so what difference does it make? There arnt that many girls out there who have gone heavycore into the whole drug scene, emerged and are chill now. not enough intelligent people who are chill and not all in your face. girls who sit back and watch, who arnt the really pretty i wear a skirt and make up type. there really arnt that many types out there like that. i can think of one. and i like her. shes tight. shes really chill, shes cynical like hell, shes fucking cool to chill with. like i wouldnt mind just chilling with her. I also think thats why i dont chill with many chicks. i really dont talk to any girls. i mean i talk to jamie, bon, and whit. the rest, i know them, i'm their aquantance. first period i just nod my head and talk to rojo. second i talk to whit n jamie. third i talk to clint and brian, those kids, fourth its andrew bon sometimes, fifth no one, six rojo or making fun of kaylinn, seventh andrew. notice how there are three girls in that whole equation. i mean the dudes are cool to chill with. they're funny like hell. they're intelligent and keep the interesting shit going. but. the girls, there really arnt that many cool just chill girls. honestly. talking to that kid today, there are really no girls i can think of right now that i would want to hook him up with. they are all fucking basically annoying. their conversation is dead and pointless. they worry to much about how they look and are posers. they annoy me. but the ones i do talk to are girly but, not. they're cool. they're chill. i can sit with them and its some semblience of intelligence. but then agian that adds up to what? 3 girls? its really sad, i feel disapointed in the girl population as a whole. but i find my self wishing for more people like that kid digs, a chill, cool, intelligent exdruggie chick. the male population has plenty of interesting people. they keep the jokes coming. they keep it interesting. i really am sad. hrm. my closest friends well, i've had two close friends. those who lasted a considerable amount of time. there was shaun. who of course. well yeah. (there was cody but that doesnt count, boyfriends never do) and then there was jessica. who i must admit was amazing. she was fucking funny, chill. just chill. cool to be around. of course she was a lesbian so it was cool to have her like comment n stuff. shes more of a boy then a girl but of course has her girly side. theres a point to this. somewhere in the ramble. i hate how girls who are more boyish are labeled as lesbian BUT, the mondo girly girls who are always fucking someone are annoying like shit. i dont know maybe this is an ugly girl symptom but its just not as much fun. i dont like the people in school this is me complaining about them. their poserness. their stupidity, and their annoying factor... ok im done
lets ramble about something else for now. that was really pointless. i'm really hypocritcal but, then again thats my fault. i know it. this girl today tried to get me to donate shit for this thing for an soldier out in iraq and i was like NO. i dont believe in killing another human being. yeah its funny like shit when someone dies but thats cause it happened. the games and shit, thats all fake. but to deliberatly go out, wage war, kill thousands of people, for a pointless and bullshitted cause. i think i have a problem with that. yeah i have a facination with serial killers, and death its self but that doesnt mean i could ever kill another person. yeah thats hypocrytical but thats me . i dont support the war. i think its bull shit that the US is over there. i could never kill another person. take my most loved ones, all of them, set them in front of me and give me a gun. give me the option to kill the killer or to watch all of them die. i will watch them die. i'm serious. i will. i dont believe in taking another life. Oh yeah, i'd torture a person. yeah. i'd make a person suffer for hours on end but never kill. never.plus that person would have to be willing. and i will not support someone who is in iraq, killing people for a false reason. no. bull shit. they choose to be there instead of here on the mainland where they could be buying their own damn socks in walmart then so be it. their choice. they die, oh well. you knew your risks you took them, you died. i dont care. your choice.
im tired of the war. im tired of this bull shit. im tired of it. *shrug* shake your head, call me names, whatever it maybe, thats how i feel. so be it. my choice. your choice.
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