JESS!! 730 my school not 745, i have to be at school by 8 so 730

PLEASE READ THIS!! friday ok?

teacher changed plans yada yada

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Yeah, it’s all turning back and forth. I don’t know. There are swings that swing, and pendulums that run. I know. I’m treading on very thin ice with these emotions of mine. I’m treading on ice that can break any moment from now, and then again I wouldn’t mind them breaking. I wouldn’t mind shattering this world and making a new one. One where its ok to laugh together, its ok to touch one another, and its ok. But that’s another world out there, and the world I’m living in is a glass house, I should stop throwing rocks shouldn’t I? I’m causing trouble. I’m not even making it subtle. Dude, I tried. But then again, I no effort was set forth. Sigh.

Yeah, one I know will say “just do it man, break the damn glass, and go for it” but then again, shattering the glass would open up the plane, making it oh so open, but then again, if you tread upon it, it will cut and stain you. Where will you go then? Someone’s going to bleed, and I don’t know who. Fuck. There are things that work out so well, but then again in lifes cruel laugh, never really work do they? Fuck passivity, fuck laying down, fuck never making the move.

Yeah, but that’s breaking the glass.

He has to do it. I can’t. But then again, passivity is nice. Complacency a place. And the world a dark and scary world. Yeah, I understand. Actually I know more then I wish to pass on. I know much more then I’m willing to admit. I also know so little I’m wallowing in ignorance. I am so naïve as to believe. Yeah, fuck off Priscilla, you are worthless in believing so. Yeah. I know…


Hamlet calls and my brain ceases to exist. Welcome oblivion.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

Boys. hah. Yeah, i've got a new one to play with. not to play with but i got rid of the last one. Well, not got rid but at least erased those feelings. Yeah, that's not the place for me and i've decided it's cool. Eh. acutally, it just lost power, i figured why bother? it's worthless anyways. friendship is cool for me. ^_^


but i'm just having fun going through school. an insane amount of fun. There are alot of people that i can "play" with. ^_^ i'll elaborate in due time.


This kid i talk to smokes now. Don't like it. Time to phase him out if he's going to smoke. I think it's just not my style anymore and i don't want to be around it. just don't. plus, he's so much cooler w/o it. I thought i really digged him. i did, but now, that's gone. oh well. so be it. life is life.


jess, i havn't talked to you inforever. i wonder if your still alive! i can't chill now this week but i'll see when. later.


done for now.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Hey, tommorow at 730 can you meet me at my school? Uh, yeah. Just comment on this shin dig and yeah. Oh yeah, Nga says they're hiring. and uh... they pay 6 when training and then they up the pay according to how good you are. when you turn in your application talk to the boss guy. and nga is quiting so thats good news. ^_^


bye.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Moods can be perilous.

I was watching a show. It reminded me of life.

How queer.


When the music's coursing through your veins and the visions are blinding you with all their false accusations, you start to wonder why Alice decided to play in your land. It’s when the physics of the world turn into heavy metal, and metallica sings to you in strings. It’s when futures that are chronic laugh at your stupidity. It’s when the freaks own the world, and the boys just make you cry. It’s when the night envelops your laughter and his eyes bore a hole in you. It’s when you know its all a lie. Its when the violin sings and you forget where you came from, remembering only the mountains and their stoic solidity. It’s something funny and odd when the dust is whipping about and the crimson man decides to grasp you tight. Its interesting when the visions of white cars intertwined with green laugh at you screaming "SHE’S TOO GREEDY!" when his kiss was a fragment of your imagination and when Carmen stood back to let others take the lead. It’s all in question, the sanity of humanity and the music, can't doth hear it? "broken and torn" what words of folly, what children dance about with mikes and emotions to spare. What a radiance. There’s five lucks, all rejuvenation able. There’s warm hearts and cold dirty deeds of bad blood. There's manipulation, there’s laughter, there’s good vibes, and catty fights. There’s deep undertones of words understood, and feelings unacted upon. Rules were set up; I’m the one to blame. Consequences heeded, again I’m going insane. Just let it come, there aren’t words to this song. Let the music dance for you. Don’t let her tell truths untrue. He's a beauty and I’m a heart, but of course we are worlds apart. Let the dreams foreshadow what the future will tell. You choose your actions and I made my bed. Lets drink from goblets made of the finest gold, trimmed with emeralds of fiery heat. Lets down the spirit, as it burns but keeps us warm. I'll keep my namesake though, I do hold true. Let the docile subservience cower in fear of my everlasting song of sharp words and tears. The thin wears out much too soon, let the frustration gather in you, soon, to your doom. I sit with my walnuts as it tells me the secrets it has of true nirvana. Go on your way, I’ll be waiting until the day; you rue my advice on that day of lost music and games to play.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I learned today.

Alot.

So, the talking to jess helped, the talking to my mum, finalized it.

Good for me.


First and for most, don't ever put anyone in front of your self. Always look out for numero uno. Your self. This world is too real to live it idealistically. as the mum would say "it's not all smooth sailing from here." well, i catch now. too well, but at least i catch. right?

Its a lesson that i've learned over and over again. I've gotten better but still have my weaknesses. I was way worse in the past and at least now, well, it's minor. Not much damage to the boat. I'll do fine. But it was in a sense a wake up call. Look out for your self, there arn't going to be people out there for you.

Next, well, there are blood lines you don't cross. dirty man. dirty and worthless. as the mum says, "your better then that, don't demote your self." as i agreed "hell, i have way more morals mum, i am better." Some bloodlines you dont touch. They leave a stench that won't wash out. I'll keep my space. I'll keep my intelligence. I've got alot more then meets the eye. So, FUCK off.

I left some words out. Thats ok.


Keep a smile man, keep it nice, there are games to be played, oh so many games, but I'm not going to. I believe there are principles that need to upheld. There are levels i dont cowtow to, and there are places i refuse to allow my self to go. So, games yes, played yes, me no. I've made a decision. I'm not going to allow that to affect me. So what dude, as Jess said, "you didn't lose" i Didnt. Shes so right. I've got my self. And all together, i know i am better. Thats basically it. I have to be. There are moves even i refuse to make. To low, and too dirty. So what man, tis life isn't it? I've got standards dude. I could, but i won't. Thats truly what i should do.

So i will.


I really do feel better, i bounce back man. The energy i like flows, straight through, above and all around me. ITs a ball in which festers the worlds existance of levity and rejuvination. Life is my name and the world my play ground. Let the rain pour, i'll dance with my umbrella and nifty shoes for the movies and shows. Don't worry bout me, i'm a good kid with a nice heart.

I'll be good.

Always am.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!