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my dad and i got in a fight last night. he told me he refused to help pay for tuition becuase he didnt get a say in where i chose to go to college. then he admitted that even if he did get a say and i had still chosen drexel he probebly wouldnt have payed. i told him that it wasnt fair that he should put all of it on my mom but all he did was be a complete ass and made me cry. i wrote him this note last night:

Dad,
I’m hurt. What else can I say? It is 3:20 Wednesday morning, and I can’t sleep. Why you ask? It really upsets me that my own dad won’t support my decision to go to the college of my choice. I know you said you wanted to be a part of the decision making process, but I wanted to go to Drexel. It is the BEST school for graphic design in the country barring Yale, but if I had chosen to go there I’m sure we would be having the same conversation. Even if we did have a discussion like you wanted you flat out said you probably wouldn’t still pay for Drexel had I chosen it. Why? Because it isn’t the school you wanted me to go to. Well guess what. You don’t always get what you want. This is MY life. It is MY future. This is where I want to go more than anything in the world, and I got in. I got in with a 13,000-dollar scholarship. Jesus. You should be happy for me. Instead you sit there and bitch that we ask you to HELP pay for college. What if I had gone to some crappy state school that barely had a program for graphic design? Guess what we would still have to come up with money for that. Or . . . would you just want me to go there so it wasn’t as much money and mom could just pay for it herself and not have to ask you? Cause that is what it seems like. How is the eleven thousand dollars I have to pay to go to Drexel, the school I want to go to, any different than the twelve thousand dollar tuition to go to Temple? It isn’t. Would you have still refused then? You say you aren’t helping my mother because you are divorced, but you will help me. Guess what, dad. It takes two to tango. Last time I checked you and mom created children TOGETHER. And guess what YOU SHOULD HELP YOUR CHILDREN! Not just pay for college, but whenever they need help. But seeing how hard it is for you to help us create a better future for ourselves I guess the chances of you helping us when we are out of college are slim too. Maybe you will help us when it is convenient for you. Yeah, you don’t have to LEGALLY pay for things after we are 18 . . . but you should. You are my father last time I checked. You should be proud that your two daughters are going to college. Instead you try to weasel out of paying because you aren’t financially obligated by the law to do so. I have never ever heard of a non-custodial father being so cheap. Why should my mother have to sit there and take out SEVENTEEN THOUSAND dollars in loans to put YOUR children through college while you just sit back and give us money when you feel like it. Why should she have to put her life on hold while you go to on vacations, live in a big house, get a new van, go out, etc.? Why should she have to pinch pennies and struggle to make ends meet when you don’t have to because you just give us money when you feel like it. I know you say you had to pinch pennies when you paid child support, but 1) um . . . so did mom you checks didn’t cover shit (but I will cover that later) and 2) you are partly to blame for having to pinch pennies. If you would have just settled on a job instead of quit once a year you would have gotten raises and would have more income. Don’t blame the measly eighty dollars a week on your financial problems. Or is it easier to blame us? Why should my mother have to spend these four years and the next ten years of paying off the loans she had to take out and struggling financially to put your children through college? Does that seem fair? Yeah I know. . Life isn’t fair. Screw that. You need to step up and realize that you helped create us and you need to continue to help us through out life. The job of father isn’t over as soon as we turn 18 and move out. Last time I checked the role of father goes on until one of us dies. It is almost insulting to Karen and I that you blatantly refuse to help with the loans. What? Aren’t we aren’t good enough for you to have to take out a loan? Aren’t we worth it for you to have to cut back on your little life’s extras? We aren’t good enough for, MAYBE just maybe, you not to go on some freaking vacation to some exotic island? If that is the case than maybe I’m not good enough to come to holidays or visit anymore. I mean, if you are going to sit there and refuse to do things that a normal father would do because he loves his children and wants the best for them then I don’t want to have a part in your life. If you refuse to be there for me then I don’t want to be there for you. I’m sorry that I am being so harsh but do you realize how much it freaking hurts when your father sits there and says to your face that he REFUSES to give money towards your tuition? All because HE didn’t get to decide what college I go to. Excuse my language, but that is bullshit. It isn’t your decision.

You try and defend yourself saying how you paid child support and you are divorced from my mom and so you aren’t going to help her. Well . . . 1) the amount of child support you paid was not THAT much although you seem to claim it was. That is . . . when you did pay– how much in arrears were you? One thousand? Two thousand? You were ONE person. Mom had to raise Karen and I and take care of herself. And you were too “broke” to freaking pay the sixty-four dollars a week? And how do you think Mom was making out? Let me break it down for you. Rent: $400; Utilities: $400; Clothes: $200 each every school year; Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for us every day; Field Trips; Doctors Bills (up until recently when she FORCED you to help pay only after she paid $250 out of pocket); School Supplies; Movies . . . do I need to go on? She didn’t ask you to help with ANY of that stuff. And some how you think your sixty-four dollars a week (what is that 32 per kid?) was going to cover all that? And now when she FINALLY sits her struggling to pay for college asking you to help chip in whatever you can (not half not 40% which is what your income is compared to hers . . . yes she tells me about all the court visits and what is said) you freaking REFUSE. One word comes to mind, cheap. It is sickening, honestly sickening, that a father would do that to his children. You aren’t hurting mom at all you are hurting us. And you are too stubborn to realize that.

It really upsets me that I have to sit here and say all this to you but I am completely sick of being treated like a burden rather than a child. If money is such a huge issue in your life that you can’t even help me become the best that I can be, than keep it. I don’t want it. Keep your goddamn money and shut up. Quite bitching about my choice of college, how you didn’t help pick, and how it is so much money. Just keep your money because it is obviously what makes you happy.

-Ashley

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