This morning i got up at five to work out. yay for me! bye bye fatness. today should be a good day. i hope at least. i have to buy decorations for the halloween dance tomarrow. then i have lacrosse then the dance. today should at least be more relaxed. i just have to go to work after school. blah. im sleepy. am i allowed to go back to bed now? i hope? please.

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tomarrow is going to be hard. nothing else i can say. all i will feel is remorse and regret. what if? what if? what if? ive already started crying. tomarrow. . .

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oh wow. . this weekend.

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im sorry.
i failed.
i wish i was better.
not for me,

for you.

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Today really was kind of bland. i woke up, went to school, played hackysack at lunch. then i went home. went to wendy's with matt. ate some yummy chicken. went home. . . depressed. fucking frosty. blah!

then after i went home, my dad picked me up. i ended up going over to my grandma's house with him. my grandma has all this fiesta wear, so me and my dad looked up all the values for her fiesta wear plates and what not. i had fun. :) she has over $1,500 worth. that is nuts. all for some silly plates. anywho. . .me and my dad went to giant after that to get stuff so i could make whoopie pies

giant was fun. . .giant is always fun. got my stuff. . . there was like no more pumpkin left in the store. that made me super sad. when i got home i made whoopie pies and worked on my damn project for school. i am never going to be done with it. i have decided. it suckes major ass. yes it does.

now im sitting here thinking about stuff. i dont know why my mind makes me think the things it does. i had this convo with matt about some of this crap i bother myself with becuase he knows the whole story. i dont know why i dont see what everyone else sees. i want to. it is so hard when you are the one pressuring yourself. when it is other people you can shrug it off and ignore them, but when it is your mind telling you things and making you want to do something you cant ignore it. i need to learn to ignore it. someone needs to help me learn to ignore myself.

129 and counting.

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i stayed home all day doing my fucking ap art project. . i still have to finish it, and i have another project due wednesday and another one due friday. and it sucks because i have no spare time. thank freaking god my mom told me i had to take off work today. there would be no way i could have gotten as far as i did today had i not taken off of work. im a bit bored now.

matt asked me to hang out this evening. i felt kind of bad becuase i was so busy and i kinda blew him off, and it wasnt that i didnt want to hang out, i was just so freaking busy. oh well. he knew i was busy. i also feel bad because even though i had off of work i neglected a very special dustin too. i feel bad cause i didnt say i love you on the phone. i hope he knows i do!

so tomarrow is going to suck even worse than today becuase i have a double period of calc becuase the dumb underclassmen have to take some standardized tests. but i dont cause im a senior! woot!

p.s. i put up a new (much sexier) profile pic. . . tell me what you think.

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