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"im breaking a habit"...just like that song. i love that song, but it really fits me right now. the reason i havent made an new entry for a while is because i've been grounded. well...i guess it was more semi grounded and i grounded myself more than my parents did. sure, my best friend lectured me more than my parents did, but that's oka. i've already beatin myself up for what i did, and no, not physically, just mentally. I just...dont kno how i got to be the way i am today. i mean, i've always been the good girl that's always done all of her work and gotten good grades...and i mean, i still do my work and get great grades, but it's not the same. im just getting the good grades to make my parents think that everythign is oka and to make them proud and stuff. but the thing is, im not the same person that i was. i mean...i cuss, and i mean heck, last year u would rarely hear me say one. and i started everything off okay at the beginning of yera, and i just i started making some dumb decisions. sometimes i dont even kno why i do wut i do. i mean...i get irritated w/people easy, and i mean i never used to get that way. but hey, i mean....there isn't a whole lot that i can do. i guess i should just start thinking about wut i do before i do them. but i mean..i've become so much of a rocker/punk that i mean, i adapted the attitude. all the people that i hang out w/are rockers, so they've kinda worn off on me too. but i mean...from this point on, im really going to think about wut i do before i do them because i dont want to end up like a lot of people out there, and i kno that im smarter than the way i've been acting. but im really going to break the way that i've been living my life...my life is good, i dont have live it like it isn't.

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Im ready to go away now, im ready for all this stuff to stop now. all you guys are all my bestest friends, but you kno, best friends dont only talk about the crap in their life. sure everything in ur life isn't perfect, but i think that you should come to us when u really need help, not just 24/7. if you have a good day, smile, dont let all the stuff from the other days bring you down, for a new day is a new start. i understand all the struggles that you have in life, but that doesn't mean you have to just give up. right now im ready to just move on from a lot of people if a lot of this doesn't stop. my love for each and everyone of you grows stronger each day, but that love is starting go grow weak and tired as none of it seems to come back. im not just saying this on my part, but others as well. you'r life as a teenagers supposed to be the best years of your life, and so far, all they've been is complaing about how crappy so-and-so's life is...i dont want this anymore. if we surround ourself w/positive things, than positive things will come back to us. sure nothing's perfect, and we're going to have bad days every once and a while, but i feel that all of us need to keep a smile on in the morning. each and every morning. doesn't matter wut happend yesterday, its already gone. forget about all the bad, and just focus on the good. if we only focus on the bad, it just makes it seem a whole heck of a lot worse than it really is. its was Satan wants us to do, he wants us to just focus on the bad and not even bother to notice the good. there is so much in each and everyone of ur lives that i kno is good. i've seen it! i've felt it! learn to just wake up and start a band new day. dont just give up because of some silly little thigns that happen and go down the drain. cuz right now, im standing on the line, and right now, its ur guys choice which way you want me to go. i can either come back to you guys, and i'll help you w/the problems that you have, but sometimes the smaller ones you have to do on ur own cuz they do go away...life isn't hopeless, or i can go, and just leave you. cuz i will. i kno this is kind of drastic, but im serious. this is it.

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I love that song....it really helped me out yesterday..."the truth is excuses are lame....except the consinquence, except the blame....we are sinners....we're all unclean, we'll maybe we're born w/it, or maybe its maybalene" DUDE!! I LOVE THAT SONG!! lol i wanna listen to Reliant K now...oh well. well yesterday was a fun day for me, i guess you could say. lol....@ skool in pe, i got hit w/the ball again..im just a target i guess...but like anyway...this one dude Matt Heart...hit the ball out of the park (HEY! I WAS A POET AND DIDTN KNO IT!) and i had to go and get the stupid ball...so im wading in wet grass up to my ankels in the rain for that matter...and i never find the stpuid ball and matt comes and find it...so it was just a waste...and i end up sliding down the hill on my butt...so im soaking wet along w/my socks and shoes. lol i was laughing about it later..because i put them in a bag and my friend let me borrow her shoes, and well...i left my shoes on the bus because im so smart. lol oh well..i'll get them on monday. and you kno..im sitting here wondering why im making this entry because no1 ever comments on my site anymore. lol oh well. but yea....hmm...and then lets see after i come home me and my brother go to my gmas to cut her lawn, and you kno, we get over there and it's pourign down rain, and we come back to our house a little while a later and tis all dry. lol i was laughing @ him. oh well...umm....and then lets see we get back home i take a nap and dad comes home early and we go out and have dinner and i ask dad if i can do something w/some of my friends and so then on the way home we're driving a long and i see my friend Jason walking on the side of the road so i roll down my window and yell @ him and he told me that he was gunna go skatin and so i went home and called a couple of my friends and we all go skating...lol and then Jason's not even there, but i find christelle. lol she's crazie...and then she introduces me to this big group of people and a person in the group is David...who i haven't seen sense like...the 6th grade...lol it was funnie really. we talked a lot. but im kind of a chatter box too. lol. but yea....it was fun. i dont kno wut else to say...so...I LOVE YOU GUYS!

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lol i dont have T-Bird lol so that's why there's the "..." @ then end of my subject title thing...OMG!! TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!! EVERYONE WAS HAPPY!!! @ least i think so. lol! I got to have my entire lunch w/my matthew!! which was great!!! lol! and then Kevin, KT & me were all laughing during art class and me, i was just being dumb and saying some dumb stuff like "the poppy moster's going to get you" because KT wasn't smiling very much, but i got her to!!! AND!!!!! lol i had to go and get my teeth cleaned...that' didnt go over too well...i may have a beautiful smile but i chew way too much bubble gum..hehe. so now im in big trouble w/my dentist...oh well! and then...after i went to the dentist...i ran over to my old school!!! it was so much fun! they still weren't out yet and i got to see all of my old friends! it was so great! i was running everywhere like a maniaic!! lol people were like "wut are you doing here!!???" lol some of them didn't recognize me...i didnt kno that i looked that much different. lol im kinda glad that i didn't stay there tho...lol well maybe not...lol there's a lot of rockers there i was surprised!!! but dude!!! i am so happy right now!!! i missed all of my old friends and whenever im around them im always hyper and stuff and so i was hyper again i was running everywhere like i had all the energy in the world and i did!!! it was great!!!! i kno im usually hyper anyway but just being around those people again made me so hyper!! lol! and you kno wut else i realized??? ALOT OF GUYS HAVE LONG HAIR!!! lol!!! so many of the guys now i have long hair...lol! lol today was a good day in the land of Loraville....lol I LOVE EVERYONE!!! YOU ALL ARE THE BEST!!!!!

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