lol silly me. too early in the morning. Today is a brand new day!!! muahhahahah!! yesterday and the day before was really sad for me...but im not gunna let that get in the way of having fun! well im gunna start from friday...just for the heck of it. even tho towards the end it was kinda sad. lol well friday after school we had to stay late for rehersal...lol and i mean alll day until we had the performance @ 7. lol joy huh? lol well after school we had one rehersal, then he fed us pizza...nummie...lol lol and during that lil time lol we were sittin in the great hall eattin our pizza lol and sarah kicked off her shoe onto dave's pizza lol he wasn't very happy lol and so he threw it up ontop of the folded up chair thingys that are like bleachers. lol!! it was soooo funnie!! lol i think its' still up there too. but yea...then after that i hadda help everyone get ready for the performance cuz im not even in the play im just the stage managaer. lol. great fun. but like right after that ALLEN CAME!! lol i was so happy. lol. so during intermission i was w/him and stuff. lol. hehe. then after the performance (which went great!) we all went to Red Robin (this is where everythign started going downhilll). I had my Allen w/me and so i was extremely happy...lol i felt kinda sorry for him cuz everyone kept comming up to him cuz he was right next to me and they're all "who are you???" and he's like "her boyfriend..." and then they turn to me "wut happend to the other guy??" i dont kno how many times that happend...lol and i was just thinking..omg.... lol. lol but lets just say that my drama groupie made him feel right @ home. lol. sometimes they can be a little too friendly. so yea we're sitting @ the table @ Red Robin, everyone's bein crazie and stuff (oh and before we got our table we were all outside and they started doing the charelston from the play in the parking lot...lol then some random people that were there from the dance @ their school was there joined in..lol great stuff) and Allen put salt in his hand and ate it...then he started a trend. lol. then i ate sugar cuz i didnt wanna eat salt, and then i started a compittion who could eat the most sugar lol. that was crazie. lol but yea...everything kinda went downhill from there cuz my parents weren't happy w/me cuz i coudlnt get my drink in time and such and i almost started crying...and i didnt wanna cry in front of Allen so i was fighting it...but he could tell and he wrapped his arms around me..he's so sweet...but yea. adventually i got outta there. but when i got home i got a big lecture from my dad. and so then that nite made my next day not so great...i was working all day doing chores and such...and when i went to the play i wasn't in the best mood but my friends kno how to make me happy. so everythign was great and dandy @ the play...sides when i first got there and i was folding up the brochures or w/e and kevin was sitting right there and he asked wut was wrong and i started explaining to him about that nite and i just broke down in tears. i felt so cheezy. but Kevin and katie comforted me. thank you you guys. and karen was her silly self and that make me laugh. and we all went bowling afterward. lol so things went well. sides the fact i almost had an asthma attack @ the bowling alley from all the smoke. oh well. i had fun. hehe...and i getta see Allen today. im so excided!!!

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haha i love that song. its so great! its so tru! God wait's for everyone 24'-7 for us to come to him! as you all might of read in my last entry, im trying to get my life straight w/Gods. its been a bit of a struggle, but its all gunna be worth it in the end. i've been watching wut i've been listening to and wut i've been saying to people. plus, im so much happier! its so great! friday nite i was w/my youth group and that was such an uplifting time for me. time flew by so fast it was crazy! i couldn't believe it tho! i loved spending time w/other christians and that's wut im gunna try to do more. heh..lol that kinda looks like me lol. the whole teeth sticking out when i smile sometimes. lol kevin...always making fun of me fore it. lol so great. i've given up all my burdens, and now im just walking up the hill to God. sure its been a bit of a struggle, but i dont care! cuz its making me stronger and that's wut i need to make my relationship w/him stronger. dude! check it out!!! haha!!! lol. anywho...iunno wut all else to say lol most people already kno the most thats going on in my life. lol so i really dont need to say a whole lot. I LOVE YOU ALLL!!!!

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Well...today was end of day two. Well, more or less day one. Yesterday i was talking to my best friend Arli and she helped me realize who and what ive become. this isn't who i am inside and so im changing it. im changing everything. So last nite i decided some things that need to be done. and today @ school i gave alll of my rocker/punk stuff away. i didnt need it and it was just something that i was attached to and a thing of the world. correct? but yea. all day today i was the most happiest ive been forever!! haha that's basically how i was all day today and i loved it! i listened to positive uplifting music (aka christian music lol) and it made a big difference. i dont think i had an angry thought once today. it was so great! lol. i didnt even get angry @ my brother!!! lol. lol so yea. today was the start of a new beginning. and tomorrow, im breaking all my cd's @ youth group as a way of saying "im not turning back". hehe. IM SO HAPPY!!!!! im getting my life straight w/God again and its what i need!!!!

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mood: Relization/confusion/frusteration listening to: linkin park/good charolette/blink182 *sigh* you kno..i dont kno wut to do anymore. people come to me w/all these different things and like...i dont kno wut im supposed to say and sometimes i just say the wrong things. i dont kno. i mean...i try to make it sound right but it always comes out wrong. i dont kno wut to do anymore. i mean..it seems like there's a lot of people that dont like me cuz of who i am. but i mean i remember i used to be that sweet little girl that everyone likes, and i think i've just become a biznatch. i dont kno. that's why i dont talk much anymore to people is cause they always get mad about wutever comes out of my mouth. i mean...i dont kno anymore...the only person that really seems to care about me..is Matt. he doesn't care about how i look or anything...i mean every day he's there for me w/that same big silly grin on his face. he always listens to wut i have to say and i do the same for him. but i mean..i tell people things like if they make me upset or something or another, they dont seem to hear wut i say. there's so many things in the world that i dont understand and kno about and i mean, who doesnt? but maybe im trying to follow the ways of the world like pastor Adam was talking about last nite @ youth group. maybe im taking that road w/loud music and things of the world. im really beginning to think that's where im going instead of that less taken one. i really should be goin down that road again. i mean...i'd rather be fighting for God, rather than trying to be someone im not. i mean...am i really that rocker person that i think i am? it doesnt seem to fit anymore. i want do that thing they're having that summer @ my church were its a tuff road to become serious about God, but i honestly think that it will help me greatly. cuz im gunna get rid of this mask that i have. i guess im just tried of living the way that i am. i feel like an outcast. i dont think i've ever had this much anger in me...ever. it just bugs me i guess. im really gunna fix this...thing that ive become. wow...start off w/complaining about wut people say to me about wut i say, to realizing it's all in me. and it is. so there's gunna be a lot more of this and a lot less of this .

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DAAHHH!! that song is still stuck in my head from this morning...IT WONT GO AWAY!! i've been listening to music all day and its not helping..its still there. wow...i've been really lazy about making new entry's...better get myself in line i guess. i just havn'et felt like going online lately...lol so that's kinda why. hmm...well today was my last day of lunch dentention...YAY!!!! llol i cant believe i got through 8 lunch dententions...so many....hmm....OO! I WROTE A SONG YESTERDAY!! lol i started messing around w/my keyboard and i made this awesome song! so kool! i wanna write words to it now. well...once im finished w/it. hehe. hmm...well i think that's all that's new...LATER YA'LL!

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haha...iunno why i put that but i did. today was actualy a good day!! it started out all wrong because i lost my favorite earring on the bus (well one of them) and then later on that day i found it on the bus amazingly!!!! i think that was the best thing ever!! lol but i just got a ton of candy and so im really happy because later i get to be all hyper!!!! yay!!! lol danielle and me were chuging pixi sticks durin our lunch dentention. lol that was so much fun! im so glad that danielle's there w/me during my lunch dentention or it would be very boring danielle's such an awesome friend. all my friends are awesome! im just in an all out good mood right now!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! later ya'll!

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