Comment! (5) | Recommend! (1)

mood: lame
listening to: Korn - "Y'all Want a Single"
watching: the screen ...



I'm going to commit emotional suicide.

I feel inspired to express myself even further after reading someone else's entry...but I can't at the moment. All I can do is copy and past and entry I wrote yesterday in Xanga. I'll rant later, after I get some extra strenght Tylenol in my joints.

For some reason, I've been lacking in the patience area lately. First, it was Six Flags. There were so many people. Some didn't have a clue where they were going. They had these zombied-out looks on their faces. You could tell their kids were dragging them around. Lol. I had so many people run to get in front of me, slow down, then suddenly stop and randomly try to figure out their exact position in the park. Human nature is funny at times. I would have found this funny on any other day, or month for that matter. Fucked up and pissy

I'm a Christian. I believe in healthy self-sacrifice, and the knowledge for when its not. If your're going to preach the word of God, and how coming to know Jesus has saved your life, then please, atleast make a little bit of an effort, for your own benefit, to show this love to others. A selfish Christian? I don't believe that you can be one without committing a sin by it. The Bible says not to be selfish. Stop being selfish! Stop going on and on about how "Sean" might like you, or how you feel fat and need to lose ten pounds when you already weigh 90. The person I've known in Mckinney as my "best friend" for the past *counts* eh almost 5 years is now becoming all too real to me. My mom's always tried to point out how she was just telling people things about her to get attention. She's always wanted to be popular, and have everyone notice her and know of her everyday and everywhere she goes and bah. "I tried to call you Sunday night! I got into a fight with someone at youth group about cutting. She called me immature and said that I needed help! I don't understand it! Ugh I'm so mad!".....Everyone knows she used to cut. Everyone knows she went annorexic in the 7th and 9th grade. The only way that these people knew was that she told them. She plays dramatic, people ask her whats wrong, she says she can't say and won't tell, people "badger" it out of her, and she cries not understanding how they figured it out and how she shouldn't have told them and how's she doomed DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED!!! She's not even doomed. She just plays it off that way to people. Yea, people have different amounts of what they can handle, but fuck, I know she can handle alot more ... atleast I thought she could .... Sure, her life used to be hell, but fuck, its not now. She lives a really small life. All she has going on right now is the fact that her dad has high expectations of her. She lets it "ruin" her life. Fuck, if thats the worst thing she's got going on, then she needs to go live in a 3rd world country. I probably sound like a hypocrite (hence the name dysfunctional_hypocrite), but atleast I've got a realistic view of how much worse off I could be, and FUCK, I don't complain for attention, I complain because I can't be expected to keep everything inside. It sounds wrong to call it complaining...but I guess its the right word. Lol. I don't know how I got into this, I just can't take having my only friend here be someone that's narcisisstic and a hypocrite to her own faith that she preaches over constantly and judges what other people are doing wrong, without looking at her own actions. No, really, how did I get into this ... MoViNg On WOOO!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHHAHA

I was parking in the Kohls parking lot yesterday, and guess what happened? No, really, guess. Time's up.

There was this McDonalds bag on the edge of the space I was going into. I figured it was empty and that it wouldn't do any harm anyway if it wasn't. I drove over it, the truck completely bounced, and I eneded up being propelled (veryyyyy sloooooowwwwllllyyyyy) into the side of the van in the parking space beside me. This woman was standing there gasping, with her hand over her mouth. My first thought? Oh fuck, this van belongs to that woman, who looks like shes on the verge of oxygen deprivation. Turns out it wasn't her van. It was kind of weird how the whole van jolted really badly when I "hit" it. I got out, and holy moly, there wasn't any damage to the van. All I saw was a piece of plastic on its fender. I plucked it off, and guess where it came from? The cheap plastic stuff on MY front bumper! Isn't a truck supposed to DO more damage and not HAVE damage? Baffling, I must say. Although...the van was a lot less hurt than the SUV I ran into at the hospital ... I pulled the whole bumper on it down. There wasn't anyone around, and I didn't have anything to write with, so I kind of put the damn truck in DRIVE and pulled the hell away from there. I parked on the other side of the hospital. I DO feel really bad about that...it was just my first injury to another person's car ever...and I kinda freaked.......


*MUCH LOVE*

Comment! (6) | Recommend!

mood: bored and sad listening to: Taking Back Sunday watching: the computer screen
You're "You Know How I Do", you're always
tired, upset or lying and you won't take
anyone's crap.

Which taking back sunday song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

Scars of Life
Silent Words (Acoustic)

Inside alone
this world's coming down on me again
Nowhere to run to
as these twisted thoughts flow through my head
I never wanted to break away
Can't help that I don't feel the same
And now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees

I stare into myself I'm scared
of what I just might find
A reflection of my past
something I've always tried to hide
Now my life is coming apart
Why must I always be this way?
Now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees

I can no longer take this
The pain that lives inside of me
Must find a way to erase this
So I can finally breathe

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees
one sees

Comment! (5) | Recommend!

As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming of "What
If's".

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla Man, you are CHUCK TAYLORS... a rocker to the core,
you like your music and you like it loud... you
like rock bands like Green Day, Bad Religion,
Nirvana and NOFX and don't really give a crap
what people think of you. A true individual,
you go your own way and to hell with everyone
else. People like you but are sometimes
intimidated by you... but who cares, right?

What pair of shoes are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

VisionUvSilence: Poem 1- I just love this poem, it has a weird shift from the beginning to end but i love that too, i may not be right but to me it says this girl was happy and sweet but then every rose has its thorns so to speak and then it talks about the fall, the calling out is so great it really does call out to the reader, its sorta intruguing whenever it says her lips did not move and her figure never blinked and then it calls to you again, then after that it says it was the sound of light and it makes you think maybe another shift, a happier one but it isnt its only worse and worse, and then you tell her thoughts by ending it with "she was grieving." not a ... but a single . makes it stand out even more, i love the poem, well onto the next one
VisionUvSilence: Poem 2 - this seems to be an angry poem but a sense of release at the same tyme, you show the materialistic love always being there for you since the humane love does not. i like this poem and with the caps it stands out of course so good job and im glad you didnt overdue the caps cuz if you do too many they'l be annoying but you didnt so *thumbs up* and i like how you talked to the reader...well that one certain person who should read it. but all and all its good :-)
VisionUvSilence: Poem 3 - i like the opposite thing, suicide notes lingering in the face of grace it stands out when it sounds cheery but is really talking about death, then to talk about scars that you left entrances the reader making them curious as to what or why this is happening, and then the consonance on the fourth line, i love it and then following it up with a personification of death catching it and then i get confused on the last line but i guess id have to know the whole meaning and background but its a good poem indeed :-)
VisionUvSilence: Poem 4 - falling is painful but rising up from the pain is just as painful if not more so i hope you're alright, what room is it that you speak of, your room? the room you were writing in? a room of darkness where light does not exist? a room where light is evil so you hide within the dark until someone throws open the blinds and has the light blind us all?, well it seems like its going to be a horrible mood, really depressed like the world shouldnt see you because you arent worth seeing the world, and then you are unveiled and apparently it was nice and happy and relieving and healing but then the uncomfortable chair comes in where you can see the downfall and sadness that is yet to come, then the talk of past, that is never good and the drinking of "your" black honey, its probably someone that meant something to you and black
VisionUvSilence: and black that represents the sadness, darkness, despair, but you put it with honey, which is sweet and nice, so its a saddening sweetness, the the rich and hurtful, smooth and comforting, makes you imagine someone drinking it and its like rich chocolate and for the moment it tastes so good but it comes back to get you but you still feel relieved and then i feel like im reading something out of my own life with the rest of it and i feel like someone understands me so thank you for writing this poem and i hope you feel better because i know that it mustve hurt before writing this *hugs you*
VisionUvSilence: the first line makes me think, her beauty is painted on meaning that it was just a cover and then it says that people place their opinions on her and i feel sad for the girl because peoples opinions are never good, either people are too nice and dont tell you the truth or the truth isnt what you want to hear so it is true when you say "killing her...." and then it seems like the beauty begins to seep out and fade away but every day she puts the cover back on and a new hope
VisionUvSilence: Sarah you are an awesome writer and if you were a magazine i would subscribe so fast but enough about that i wanted to say that i love reading your writings and i love the fact that we read each others cuz i dont find too many people that are ever in the mood to read what i write but you always seem to listen, even seem to want to read it and it makes me feel special and believe this, i love reading what you write and want to read it all :-) but make sure to keep writing because if you're not talking to me you can get a sense of relief from writing so keep up the awesome works
VisionUvSilence: awh it didnt save the last part :-(
VisionUvSilence: well after that i put something along the lines of, I bet one day we're gonna become modern day bards and we'll be prancing around onstage just reading our poems to the world and audiance and we'll be like two of a kind and one great team

Comment! (1) | Recommend!