I NEVER WANTED TO HURT MYSELF

Tightening the cords around my veins
Playing with the tangles of pain
Bleeding just to be free
Why won't you see me
See me fall
See me crawl
Hear me scream
My piercing scream.

My tragic soul begins to die
And all this time you watched me cry
Feeling just as lonely
Why won't you see me

See me fall
See me crawl
Hear my scream
My piercing scream.

Blinded.... eyes...
Asking.... why...
Where did it go wrong
Its been too long
It won't leave
Won't...let me breathe
Why won't you see me
See me fall

See me crawl
Hear me scream
My piercing scream.

nothin on top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds ...

R.I.P Johnny Cash

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http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/salem/SALEM.HTM>http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/salem/SALEM.HTM

http://womenshistory.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.school.discovery.com%2Fschooladventures%2Fsalemwitchtrials%2Fstory%2Findex.html

http://salemwitchtrials.com/timeline.html

http://atheism.about.com/library/FAQs/christian/blchron_xian_salem.htm

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I got Kurt Cobain's journal ... I'm still debating on WHETHER OR NOT to read it ... HELP ... lol ... I also got his biography ... my mom said that if I get any further into this (the clothes and black stuff and the depressing music) that she's going to send me to counseling. I told I needed counseling 2 years ago, and that I'd be more than willing to go. Haha maybe even for a psychiatric diagnosis or whatever the hell you call those things. But why am I telling you this? errr I don't really know. I'm just venting. I'm going to a Clothe a Child trainging thing tonight...I love helping people, especially little kids. They're so cute!!!! But hey I AM doing something with my church, a volunteer project none the less, so I haven't gone too far off of this little cliff called life! haha ....

Much love

*Beans*

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Nine Inch Nails song lyrics
Purest Feeling
Maybe Just Once

i can't believe that what i feel is really happening to me.
make it hurt.
and point the finger at my insecurities.
well i guess i just don't understand about those complexities in your mind.
and i guess i just don't understand why this world seems so unkind.

[Chorus:]
maybe. maybe just once. i get what's coming.
maybe. maybe just once. i get what's coming to me.

so once again the way you feel will never ever stay the same.
and i'm to blame.
i wonder just who made the rules up for this game.
well i guess i just don't understand about what you want and what you need.
and i guess i just don't understand about how it has to be.

[Chorus]

you sat down on this bed and you said
'Christ, what the hell do you think this place is'
you know.
he just couldn't believe it!
and i said
'i don't know but it sure is something different'

so go ahead.
you say those thousand things you think you have to say.
look at me.
and tell me love's not such a hard word anyway.
well how can you count on me i thought you realized for sure.
and how can you just believe.
i thought i deserved just a little more.

[Chorus]

oh God.
oh what's coming to me.




that about sums it up ...

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"so many words that i want to say, but i get the feeling you're not listening. you never have. so self-absorbed and self-righteous."

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now i have liz phair stuck in my head ...
AND I DON'T EVEN LISTEN TO THAT STUFF!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
why can't i breathe...whenever i think about you....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
how old is that woman anyway...she looks about 37 or something in some pics I've seen....ahhhh its the 8th wonder of the world....
I cheated on my guitar last night. lol I had a dream I went to some music store and bought a Gibson. A Gibson wouldn't be my first choice in getting another acoustic. Don't get me wrong, they're very nice guitars...but ahhhh for the 12 string Martin acoustic...sounds so nice...makes my Alvarez sound like a regular acoustic when you put it up next to that 12 string Martin....I broke a string on my brother's 12 string Gibson....I just put it back in the case and stuck it in the corner....I NEVER touched it. NEVER....Why am I talking about guitars anyway? I sound like I have an obsession with them. Playing a guitar is my outlet, and lately I've needed one. Badly. My brother came by Monday to pick up some of his stuff that he left Sunday...and he brought the guy he' staying with to help him move some of it. This guy's a spawn of Satan I swear. He's got about 4 or 5 teenage deadbeat guys staying with him...they're all sleeping on couches..including my brother....and this guy's charging 200 DOLLARS a month just for them to sleep on his couch, and maybe pee in his toilet. Damn. I swear. And the guy had the nerve to come over to our house stoned, too. "Yea. Hi. I'm the guy that's giving your son shelter, but hey he has to pay 200 bucks every month for absolutely nothing. Why you ask? Because my goal is to NOT have to pay rent. Oh, and by the way, I'm stoned. Can ya tell?" lol damn. I miss my brother. I mean , its a relief to have him gone because it was emotionally hard to have him here....but its even more painful to have him living at the mercy of the spawn of satan. I'm in a strange mood. I feel like running around the streets yelling at random people...just making an ass out of myself harassing people. Ahhh to harass and be harassed. The fun that it is. It needs to rain again. The soccer field behind our house flooded. Although it was NOTHING compared to how it flooded a year ago. There's bleachers on the field, and the water was almost to the top of those bleachers. It looked like a lake. IT WAS FLOWING. lol. It was freaky, but awesome. They've done some work on the water systems though...and it hasn't done that in awhile, and probably never will again. *sigh*
blahhhhhh
blahhhhhh
blahhhhhh
for lack of anything more interesting to say
faretheewell

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