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Memores acti prudentes futuri

It's easier to complain
but there is beauty in the mundane
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Camp Weedonwantcha
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
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Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
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Medium Large
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Mr. Lovenstein
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Natalie Dee
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Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
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The Property of Hate
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Rosscott, Inc.
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The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
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Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
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Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
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Bag of Toast
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The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
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Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
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Meat and Plastic
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Ugly Girl
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Pure Flash Awesomeness
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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
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Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
And so forth
Monday, June 2, 2014
Well, I'm not worried about the thing from the last entry anymore, but now I'm worried about my ex again. -__-

I got mad at him for canceling the therapy appointment I made him sign up for. I want so badly for him to get help and feel better, but it kind of feels like he just won't make the effort. I'm not going to go over there again and force him to make another appointment. If he doesn't want to get help I can't make him.

Still, it's frustrating. Very frustrating. I care about him but it often feels like he doesn't want to feel better. I'm sure people have felt that way about me before. I know that sometimes all you can do for a person is be there to listen and support them. It's hard to do that with him though because he wants to talk about me, and well... yeah. It gets awkward. I don't know what to tell him a lot of the time. I want him to know I care about him and I want him to be happy, but when he says he loves me and misses me I can't say those things back to him. I don't want to give him the wrong impression.

I tried to eat more today but I don't know if I succeeded. I think I still had under 1000 calories. :\ I've lost four pounds in the past week and I'm starting to feel really concerned about it. As much as I like the idea of being 110 lbs, I don't think this is the right way to be that weight...

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Explore, learn, reduce uncertainty
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Trying to figure out how to internally handle an unfamiliar situation.

Not sure how to proceed, or if I can proceed even. Maybe nothing is different. Maybe everything is different. It's hard to tell.

I feel a little like throwing up, but not as much as I did earlier.

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Friday happenings
Friday, May 30, 2014
I took Romeo to the vet today to get an implant. We're hoping that this will make it so that I don't have to take him to so many appointments to get shots. They were so nice to me that they gave us the implant for free. Normally it would have cost a couple hundred dollars.

The whole appointment was free, actually. I don't even know how to describe my gratitude. Maybe I should bring a gift to them the next time I go?

Tonight I went to a show with Fro. Her favorite band was playing at the SLG Art Boutiki, so we went to check them out. Four bands were playing, and Picture Atlantic (her favorite) was playing third. The first two bands were... okay... Not really my thing. Picture Atlantic was pretty good though. We didn't bother staying for the fourth band, Curious Quail. They took FOREVER to set up and neither of us were particularly interested in hearing them.

After the show we went to find something to drink. The only thing open was Starbucks, so I got a strawberry smoothie and Frosan got a green tea latte. The smoothie was... kinda weird tasting. I'm not sure what they put in it but it tasted kind of like a light strawberry milkshake. I told her about the goings on in my life and she told me about this new guy she's been talking to. She really likes him, but he's a bit younger than she'd prefer, I guess. I wanted to see what he looked like, but unfortunately she didn't have a picture. I hope she shows me eventually. :3 It's so fun to hear about this stuff.

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Feelin's 'n stuffs [Ask]
Friday, May 30, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Thursday, May 29, 2014
My friend said this to me:

"I think I want you to know that you're important to one more person than you used to be."

I feel really happy right now.

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On edge?
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I couldn't sleep last night. I have a sense of discontinuity between yesterday and today, so I think maybe I did sleep for some short period, but I feel like I barely got any rest. So tired.

Yesterday I was pretty tense. I took some caffeine in the morning because I thought I would be presenting in class, but then other people took my spot so I have to go on Thursday instead. I guess it's fine. More time to prepare. Or whatever.

The tenseness made it hard to eat. I had a tiny peach for lunch and didn't touch the spinach lasagna I brought, even though normally I enjoy having that. I reheated it when I got home and ate it, but it was a struggle. Didn't eat dinner. I wonder if that was related to being unable to sleep.

I'm eating breakfast now, and that seems to be going okay. Maybe the caffeine yesterday affected my appetite? Not sure. I felt physically hungry but just didn't want to eat.

Kinda wish I had napped yesterday. I talked to friends on Skype instead, and it felt really nice at the time but now I don't feel very good. >_< Maybe tonight...

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Well, I didn't die
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Riding on a motorcycle was actually kind of fun, though still a bit scary. Every time we went over a bump or leaned to the side my mind immediately went "OH GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE."

His motorcycle had handles to the sides of my seat, so I was able to just hang onto those and didn't have to hold onto him. That was a relief. I didn't really want to grab onto some guy I've only met a couple times.

Here is the view from where I was sitting, sort of:

And a shot of our shadows:

It looks like my arm got amputated.

We were out for less than two hours, I think. It was cool though. He said that next time we'd probably ride with a group. So... I guess I'll see how that goes.

I think I forgot to mention that I met up with a new friend on Friday. It was pretty laid back, and we just talked and walked around. He's probably moving out of state soon, so if we hang out again that might be the last time. Doesn't really matter though. We pretty much just have a conversation-based friendship anyway.

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Motorcycle ride...
Saturday, May 24, 2014
I guess I'm going to ride on a motorcycle tomorrow for the first time. Even though I think motorcycles look cool, I'm pretty scared...

I'm going with my new friend Will. That's the friend I saw Godzilla with. It was me, him, his girlfriend, and his cousin. We drove up to San Francisco to see the movie on a big IMAX screen there. I don't feel like the drive was worth it, though. The film didn't even fill up the screen (although the screen was pretty huge).

The movie was okay. There was one plothole that keeps bothering me, but other than that I didn't think it was too bad. It didn't seem like it was as much about the monster fighting as it was about human interest stuff.

Not really related-- one of my professors talked about how Freud has never actually been proven wrong. Someone in the class asked what that meant about the Oedipus complex, then. The prof said that most people haven't actually looked at the story, so they don't know what it's about. He told us that at its core, it's not about incest, but child abandonment, because Oedipus doesn't know that he's sleeping with his mother.

Uhhh also I've had this open in a tab in my browser for a few days:

Bird ice cream

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