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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Flats + story
Monday, October 28, 2013
I made this password protected at first, but I have decided to make it public instead.

So I bought flats for the first time. There was a sale on zulily and the flats were only $26 and they were by Blowfish, that company that made my favorite shoes (my grey wedge sneaker thingies). And I've been really trying to stop shopping so much online, but I was horribly weak. So weakkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I guess I don't REALLY buy that much, compared to some people. But still.

At least I got my mom's approval. She didn't know what flats were when I asked if I should buy some, but I showed her the picture and she was like "Those are cute! You should get them!"

Tiny picture of them from the Blowfish site:


Also, a link to the story I wrote, since the only comment I got on the last entry showed interest.

TDEGRBM

I was kind of surprised to find that nobody else around me ever jokingly wonders if everybody got raptured when they come out of their room and nobody's around.

Comment! (8) | Recommend!

Candy boxes
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

P-p-p-packages
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Was that a memory?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I think I had a dream that I was talking to an overweight girl in a really awkward and somewhat offensive way. Not on purpose, but like I just kept saying terrible things accidentally in my efforts to be supportive and friendly.

It was such an unexciting dream that I wasn't sure if it actually happened or not when I woke up. Basically I was talking to the girl about her weight loss and I said something like "I know this other girl who was 5'3 and 300 lbs, and when she lost weight, she had all this loose skin hanging around. You look like you probably don't have that though! Or maybe you won't, you're probably lucky. You're not as fat as her anyway, so I'm sure you'll be fine."

I am pretty sure I have never known anybody who was 5'3 and 300 lbs in real life, since that would be monstrously obese, so I'm hoping I didn't really have that conversation with someone.

On to something else. This is a really damn cute bird. What the hell.

LOOK AT IT. JUST LOOK.


IT'S ADORABLE. THIS BIRD IS JUST A PUFF.

I have been PMSing really bad the past few days. Sunday night I kept going between being really angry and critical and being really sad and wistful. My mood was shifting drastically every few minutes and it just... wasn't good. I told my boyfriend I thought I was PMSing and he said "Yeah, I can tell." I also got really mad at my mom for asking me to do something and yelled at her. -__- I was on the verge of yelling at her this morning too, but didn't. Girl problems, man.

A while ago I found my dad's old pictures from the 80s. He scanned the film, so the pictures were just on the computer. It was cool to see how things looked back then.

This might be from Oregon...


I love this bedspread.


I get the urge to take pictures of stuff like this too...


The negative for this one looks like it got damaged.




I don't care for Instagram, but actual old pictures have a neat look.


It's harder to get this kind of focus effect with a digital camera unless you have a really nice one.


I like to think of the past as being colored this way.


Fading around the edges...


I have some film to develop, but I don't know where it is... It's kind of a pain to find places to develop film now. If it were easier I would probably use my film camera more.

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Minor mishaps
Thursday, October 10, 2013
It's been kind of hard to type because my ring finger on my right hand is bandaged up right now. On.... Monday? I accidentally cut off a chunk of skin from my finger while I was trying to shave. :( I had to pick that chunk out from my razor to finish shaving.... (Too much info?)

Also earlier this week, I somehow managed to slam my boyfriend's car door into my ankle. He had to help me limp into my house after that.

I'm not sure if my coordination is just really bad this week or what, but I'm really hoping nothing else happens. I guess it could be worse though. A guy in my class flipped his bike last week and fractured something in his hand.

Count your blessings I suppose. -Shrug-

There was a dead little bird at school and I really wanted to touch it to see how soft it was, but that seemed like maybe a bad idea.

I never really watched Thomas the Tank Engine, and when I sat with a three year old watching it I could hardly believe how boring it was, but I like the theme song.

It does sound... vaguely sinister to me though.

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Equinoctial again
Sunday, October 6, 2013
So I'm thinking about that story again, "Equinoctial" by John Varley. I mentioned it like a year ago.

For anyone who doesn't remember (and I doubt most would), basically the gist of it is that there is a space traveler and her protective/nourishing companion thing that completely envelops her, and they're totally connected and in tune.

I was trying to think about why that appeals to me, beyond just "they're so close!" I mean, and I thought of my breakup with my ex.

That whole thing kind of shattered the way I viewed communication and connectedness. After we broke up and realized there had been so many misunderstandings I just felt like it was impossible for me to actually understand anybody anymore. Before then I felt like we were always on the same page, connected on some indescribable level. I don't know if I can feel that way again. No matter how close you are to someone, your experiences in life have been, are, and will be different, and not everything will mean the same thing to you. It's impossible to truly see the world through someone else's eyes without being them.

And this is a problem for me because when I really like someone and want to be close to them I want to know everything about them. Not in a weird stalker-y way, just like, "we're so close we know all this stuff about each other."

So, considering that, being totally connected to someone in the Parameter-Equinox way seems cool because there are no barriers to understanding. Equinox is directly plugged into Parameter's brain, and they're just drifting in space together. Equinox surrounds Parameter inside and out. There's no loss of information between them. That's the only way I can think of to achieve total understanding. Too bad it's not possible (or if it is, it's not going to happen anytime soon).

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Open mic
Friday, October 4, 2013
I went to my first open mic last night. There were some really talented people there, which was pretty cool. There were also the kind of people you might expect to see at an open mic. Which is to say... there were some people who were not excessively talented.

One of the guys who went up to play songs needed a brief intermission to tune his guitar, and during that time someone yelled out "tell some jokes!" So... he told jokes about Obama. Dick jokes. Before he played, he also asked if anybody was having an awful night, and said that most of his nights were awful when only one person raised their hand. I think he was joking, but I'm not 100% sure on that. He refused to play until more people said they were having an awful night.

My boyfriend helped me out this morning at the nursery. Here he is holding the biggest baby we have (the one who also screams like a demon child).


And here's a baby with some odd helmet(?) thing on.

We weren't sure what exactly it was for. At first we thought that maybe the mother was just overprotective because it was her first child, but when she came to pick her baby up she had a little boy with her, so...... I don't know.

Lastly, look what I got in the mail today!

Awwww yeahhhhh. If you can't read the subtitle, it says "My life inside The Room, the greatest bad movie ever made."

:D

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Personal questions
Sunday, September 29, 2013
"What kind of person are you?"

"What do you think are your most notable qualities?"

"What do you like?"

Man, I have no idea how to answer these kinds of questions. When asked about my interests I generally have to refer back to old lists I've made on sites like these. I don't really feel connected to any of those things anymore, it's just something to tell people.

"What are your favorite movies?"

...Let me refer back to the document that has the movies I've watched listed in it, so I can mention a few. I can't remember what I like off the top of my head.

"What's your favorite food?"

I really don't know. There's nothing that I can just eat indefinitely without getting sick of it. Sometimes it's hard for me to even remember foods I generally like.

There is this guy talking to me who just keeps asking me questions, interview-style, and it's kind of awkward. I mean, normal conversations shouldn't be structured like that anyway, but it's kind of worse because I just have no idea how to answer most of his questions. He asked me if I had ever used a programming language, and I told him I'm not really a computer person, though my boyfriend is, and he asked what kind of person I am, then.

Man, don't ask me that stuff. I don't know. A creative person? Something like that? I think I was a creative person at some point, maybe I still am.

If I try to ask myself who I am I can't get a clear answer and it just interferes with my ability to function on a daily basis, because then I get wrapped up wondering and it's confusing and stressful.

In a weird way I actually miss the haze of derealization that I used to live in, because even if it felt like reality was mostly fog with some solid parts, at least it felt like something. Everything is "clear" now, but in a really insubstantial way. It's just clear... nonsense now, whereas the haze used to obscure a lot of that nonsense or at least make it feel like the haze was the reason for the nonsense.

Even though I dislike the concept of it, sometimes it seems like the only way for me to go through life right now is to just not think about things, only do them. It's not even an "ignorance is bliss" thing... I guess it's more like, I have a limited amount of energy, and I don't want to use up what I have on ponderings that go in circles or hit dead ends. (I'm not talking so much about questions like "How can I be a better person"... more like "Who am I" etc. As much as I've thought about the latter in the past, it just isn't helpful or meaningful to me anymore)

My memory is good and terrible at the same time. I dunno what's going on there.

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