I went to my gynecologist appointment today and got new medicine. I also had an assistant cancel on me at five in the morning. She didn't even call me herself. She had her mom do it. I'm sorry I don't care if she's eighteen, when I was eighteen my mother would not have done that. She would have said "If you are grown up enough to have a job, you're grown up enough to call out of it yourself." But I guess not all mothers are as strict as mine. Never mind that, I don't think I would have the nerve to do that even if she would.

Then I went to my gynecologist. She says that my vagina is atypical, meaning smaller than average. I didn't know there were width minimums for vaginas. When she and my neurologist finally figured out what meds I should be on, she called me to ask if I wanted to undergo this surgical procedure to scar my vagina.

This will prevent me from having children forever. While having kids biologically has never been a goal because of my back, odds are that if I tried to do it, my spine will simply snap. However I am not ready to completely undergo such major change. Personally I think, and this just may be me suspicious, that there was an undertone of the whole conversation as there often is in these cases that disabled people shouldn't breed. Not that I am much in favor of breeding anyway which I mentioned, but sometimes I think I should do it, just for defiance purposes as it would piss so many people off including some supposedly liberal doctors. However, I know having kids isn't a game you play just to piss someone off.

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My assistant quit suddenly. No notice, she just didn't show up today and my other assistant (who's her best friend, btw) had to stay with me today. Fortunately, Laura can come over tonight so poor Demi doesn't need to come back. Laura is such a good friend and behind saver. I need to buy her something cool, as a thank you.

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Today I was without a PCA for a fair amount of hours because of the weather and other concerns. But I was okay. Really glad I had some good programs on the DVR and lots of posting to distract me from the fact that I couldn't go to the bathroom. Such is the life of a personal care assistant user when her services gets screwed up. I have four interviews tomorrow and hopefully will find someone to fill my open shifts.

Other than that, this day has been very productive even though I slept late until almost 10:30am. I've posted in every blog I own and answered some questions in myLot. This is my last official thing to do today except for creating a new entry for tales from the chair.

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I talked to Amy today. I'm glad she's not dead. She was just feeling overwhelmed and sick and reacted badly to it. As she's 18, just a kid really, I opted to put her back on relief shifts. Not what she wanted (she wanted her job back), but if she does well in that I'll let her have someone's shift when they leave. I'm kind of a softy, I suppose, and she's just a kid (the same age as my students, when I used to have students- sigh, I don't miss grad school; I do miss teaching).

I edited my poem. May helped. She's a brilliant poet, in her own right, although I'm better at synonyms and grammar than she is (if I do say so myself).

I talked to Sally today and we dealt with PMN stuff. I also signed a petition protesting the Academy Awards plan to give Jerry Lewis a Humanitarian Award. Many disabled people, myself included, object to his portrayal of people with disabilities (that we're pathetic, helpless, and sitting around the house waiting for a cure). Follow the link to learn more- http://www.petitiononline.com/jlno2009/petition.html

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I'm up very, very early. I was up and out of bed before 8 in the morning. Soon the van service will be here. I have to go to two copy stores and the mall. I need new shoes. Kenzie, my assistant whose dad died, is coming back to work for me for the first time since his death at 5pm. I'll be happy to see her and even happier she's opted to return to college despite her recent loss. For awhile, all of her friends (including me) were afraid she wouldn't.

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It didn't start out that way. My day started out kind of lazy. I had trouble getting out of bed. I hope I'm not catching anything because I simply have no time for it this weekend. I went over all my supplies for the show and seemed pretty prepared. The postcards didn't come out the way I wanted them to, but I'm surviving. Art is, of course, not perfect. I tried to call my Christmas PCA and she didn't answer or send me the email she was supposed to. I'm keeping the faith, however. Ivy doesn't seem like the sort of girl who would just not call you ever, but you never know. I'm still looking for a ride to Easthampton on Sunday so I can go to work. I have a ride back but not to. I'm sure something will come up.

I got paid by one of the websites I write for today and promptly mailed the money via paypal to Dan. I think now I've completed 10% debt repayment to him. It's not much and I have a lot to go, but you have to start somewhere I think. I never keep any of the money I earn online. I owe and owe and owe. Maybe next year if I get grants I can actually be out of debt. I finished a goal on another website. I answered a discussion in every interest I had there. I know it was a weird goal, but it was interesting because I got to explore aspects of my personality I don't hang out with much. I'm pretty sure I'll make payout on three websites for the month of January. That's myLot, blogit, and today. I won't make payout here because I only average a few cents per day here, but I enjoy it. My goal is to make payout here by the end of 2009.

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