words are what i had.
words are what i used.
words opened everything.
now certain words are gone.
but not forever;
merely put away,
for another day.
i wish not for this to disappear
only to prosper in our subconscious minds.
i wanted tears to stream,
but they never came.
suffering from insomnia once more,
i think and think.
long car ride.
house full of pesticides.
my mind wanders.
i don't know what to think anymore... where i'm heading i have no clue. someone please show me which direction to take.
hmm... yesterday i saved my friends from doing something stupid... i feel good about it tho it just makes me wonder when i'm going to be able to love like the do again...
my feelings are obscured. i'm stuck at a fork in the road. I guess i'll stand here until the seasons change.
volleyball season is starting up today. and i'm trying out... again.. i hope this time i'll make it. i don't mind all the exhausting workout but i just don't like running change ups. eww... i just hate them... i can stand regular running but please no more running change ups!!!
my heart is a bloody bastard. i have to understand my feelings a this current time or else i'll victim to it again. i have o save myself from drowning in my own blood.
when i got to school this morning i noticed that i was entering "a promising hell". why i say this? i say it because our education system is a worthless piece of fucking shit yet it's our gateway to our future. i'm grateful for the education i'm getting but shit... some of the stuff that goes on around our schools are just for money. Why are so many people so goddamned greedy? it makes me sick that children are born into this world filled with so much greed and hunger for power. i wish someone out there with the power would see what's going on and try to stop it. being truthful to our nations residents is what everyone needs. no more fucking lies. and people you have to stand behind the person you vote for cuz you choose that leader to lead you and your family and it's not their fault that they are faultering under pressure. it's yours for not being there to support them.
politics are a load of bull but who is going to stand up for our generation? they alread call us the lazy generation.
::sigh:: there's is so much i can just rant about... but who out there will listen? who will give a few minutes time to listen to what i have to say? our generation is doing nothing. relying on those who got straight As and 4.5s in college. Doesn't anyone understand that you don't need a degree to change the world you live in? all you need is the truth and to follow through with what you believe in. if you can see what's wrong in front of you then change it. sure it not be fast. sure it might take up all your time. but fuck look at it in a long run... you're going to be helping a lot more people than you think.
anyways.... lol my random politically driven rant. i dunno people are starting to piss me off... i think i'm so political this morning is cuz of my stupid research paper i had to write last night about dickhead Bush and immigration. stupid walkouts... well some of them... but i'll save that for another post.
should i stay or should i go?
i'm a fan of Anthrax (the band)
i went to my first show on friday the 26th. it was awsome. i finally know what soma looks like inside. and i had a dream about it once... LOL oh wow de ja vu.. LMFAO! i just remember the big projectory on the wall. lol
i'm going back to my old thinking habits. let's just hope i don't fully go back to my old ways. if i ever do... hide all the knives. i just don't want to find myself with it at my throat again. hah.
i love to hate love.
i like the feeling of another person near.
my heart is a bastard
music is my savior
writing is my helper
Love is what i miss the most.
someone share with me the love joy can bring.
the things i want the most i cannot have, but most of the time it's okay. for those kinds of things i just wish. wishes are just dreams to me and rarely ever come true. but by looking at it from another perspective it's okay. other times... it's just too mucha dn i don't want anymore of it... just make it all go away... therefore i say "bad habits die hard."
well i'm in class right now and i don't really have anything to do so i'm here on my psp blogging and using the schools wireless net. and it's taking a long time to just write two sentences... hmm...camille...