Lately in the last what now... about month and week everyone that I knew who were in a relationship for a substantial amount of time are breaking up. And so far two of the girls have turned to me for help in their emotional roller coaster ride.

It's not that I don't want to help them or anything. It's just that it gets repetitive and they already know the answers to their questions but they're just in denial. See what love does to us? It turns us all into babbling fools.

Out of the two girls I only have to take care of one really really closely and almost sugar coat everything I say to her. I don't mind it really and I know that she's really hurt and everything but I wish the guy would at least be considerate and not be such a jerk. I don't want to give him a heads up that he's messing with her because I don't want to be in the middle of whatever is going on there. I'm tired of being in the middle of the relationships that I'm not even in. I learned my lesson the hard way.

Thankfully I don't have to take care of the other one. She's a big girl and the guy is a jerk-off and should fall down and realize what an idiot he is.

Both of these girls deserve better treatment from guys... Hell!! Everyone needs to seriously get over their egos and treat one another better... We only have one life people... Don't live it the way you'd regret it.

That's one of the many reasons why I'm a Lesbian. lmao... >.<

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i'm offically obsessed with The Material... they just amaze me every time...

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A lot has happened...

that girl doesn't talk to me anymore..

and i've gone to two shows over the break and i plan on going to more this year. including warped tour. wooo

This year is a year for music for me. new discoveries and rediscoveries of great bands.

a great band that i rediscovered is The Material... you might have heard of them if you were watching MTV2 dew circuit breakout in the last few months. They were the band with the girl front [singer] but they got second place... to The Myriad [i think that's how you spell their name]
The Material is a local band to San Diego and i'm glad they are, because if they get big YAY! they'll be reppin' Sunny Daygo. lol

also another show i went to before the year ended was Shiny Toy Guns. That was a fun show but it cost me an arm... It was at the House of Blues downtown. Christine [not my ex] and i ate at Sammy's Woodfired Pizza and it's a nice little place right next to the garage entrance on the corner of 5th and F st. and they have cute waitresses too.. >.< lol at the shiny toy guns show there was this one guy who was dancing like he was at a club. it was interestingly funny to me. haha i couldn't stop laughing. but when the STG came on i went into my own world and danced the way the music swayed me. i had a lot of fun.

hmm... i don't know i just felt like blogging here for a change.. hahaha

stand up for you right to be yourself.

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my thoughts are killing me...

i seriously need to stop thinking soooo much...

i drive myself crazy.

and so does she.

AHH!! lol

well...

happy thanksgiving everyone... and... enjoy getting fat.

i need to slow down and smell the flowers.

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mood: Perplexed
listening to: The Question is How - The Action Design

I just got out of a long term relationship and now there's another girl that likes me. Which for me is a first because I don't think I've ever remember someone starting to like me and me having to play catch up to understand it all.

half of me is saying it's too soon...

the other half is saying go for it! Don't let this opportunity go past!

I'm torn in two. stuck in the middle between two strong voices.

I am a hopeless romantic.
My body craves to be near another
And my heart wants to give love.

My heart doesn't want to get hurt again
but my mind is wrapped around the idea of being held like toilet paper around the cardboard center.

I'm losing sleep and my appetite is waning.
I beat myself up.
I make myself look good.
I try.
I try to be myself.
and oddly enough,
it works.

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Linh and I are over.

broken up..

it was mutual at first but.. i don't know anymore.

write more later

and about my crazy weekend.

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There has been a lot that has happened in the last couple of weeks. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me and I wish that I could take a break from school but I can't do that... Although my wish for that is pretty damned strong. But I have to rough it out and do school work while I'm feeling like this. Also I wish that I had a lot more money... or at least that I wasn't so careless with the money I had before, during, and after I went to Comic-Con. I wouldn't be in this mess. Also I wish that the people that owe me money would pay me back ASAP. Because I really need it. I'm low on cash and I shouldn't be. This is so bad. And on top of that I have to give my girlfriend $200. But originally it should be from the iPods that I sold. When in truth they have not paid me back. One is going to be paying back in interest once he graduates from Marines' boot camp. So I'm not worried about him but it's the girl that I'm worried about... She should be out getting a job and paying me back. Oh, I just remembered about that one other girl that I lent money to... Geez, how many people owe me? LOL
I wish that my job didn't demand so much of my time right now... even though it's only three days a week and 7 hour shift... I realized how little time i have to do everything and all the other things I want to do. I really need to preoritize my time and organize my shit.
On top of all that I'm having some trouble with my Girlfriend. She's been getting really mad at me lately and she lost complete trust in me. Because I wasn't thinking and responded wrongly to her. But I was thinking about all the money that has been leaving my hands. So of course I was going to be defensive about the amount of money that I was going to let go. I mean, $200 is a lot of dough. Right? You wouldn't want just anyone take that amount away from you. But yea... just because of that she doesn't trust me anymore. And she gets mad at me so easily now. I don't try to make her mad. It just happens. I'm sorry about it and I wish that I could make up for it. I'm trying my hardest to make it up to her and everything. I recently bought her custom message m&ms. and that was a chunk of money out of my wallet... and I had to buy another thing that was pretty costly but it was discounted. Still the price was a lot. I'm really scared about what's going to become of our relationship if I keep screwing up the way I have been. I know she still loves me but she has found more things that she dislikes about than what she likes about me. And to me that's a horrible sign. I don't want her to view me like that because that makes me wonder how she looks at me and our relationship. I don't want to lose her over something so small and I don't know... I just don't like it at all.. I'm so scared.. I'm stressing out over it a lot... I know that I shouldn't or whatever but I just don't know what I'd do without her in my life. I just want to go back in the past when we never fought or argued about stupid shit. And money. Especially money. And to make matters worse there's another girl that has what I lack. I don't want to look at my Lover as a Golddigger.. but sometimes I can't help it. It's just that this other girl is willing to give her money out on the limb because she can afford to. It just pisses me off when she said that to me.
people would say to just leave her and to find someone else, but I know her well enough that she wouldn't let go something that offers her something that another can't. I've been through a lot and I have put her through a lot. And I don't want all that hard work and emotion to waste.
I love her too much. I won't be able to live without her or with myself if she ever leaves me.

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it's 3 in the morning and i can't sleep... i'm typing this from my psp and it's taking forever...

i really miss linh a lot. it's getting to the point where missing her drives me crazy... i just need to see her again.

some people say and think that it's cute that we've been together for a year now and others question how our relationship can go that long without us going ballistic on each other. and to top it off it's a long distance relationship...

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