My Sweet Nightmare
(Dedicated to Elizabeth Adams)
written by Christa and co-written by Marian

It hurts to know
The fact that we would never be
I guess this love
I have for you
You will never feel
Hurts even when i see your face
How i long each day for you

Sitting all alone
Thinking of you
You've never left my mind
Always haunting me
Always taunting me
My nightmare

I gave you love
Through my words
Straight from my heart
I wanted you
To know how I felt
How I cared

Sitting all alone
Thinking of you
You've never left my mind
Always haunting me
Always taunting me
My nightmare

You got scared
From how I felt
You ran away from me
I didn't mean
To hurt you so bad
I'm sorry

Days go by
So very slowly
our bond is wasting away
Away
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Goodbye
(Christine likes the song but hates the meaning of it)
written by Christa

I'm glad
To say
That this
Is the end
For me

I'm saying
My goodbyes
To you
And my life

I never
Liked
How
Things came out

So please
Don't forget me
Keep me
In your dreams

I'll be
Waiting
For you
out there
Somewhere

So
Don't worry
About me
Tonight

I'm here
with you
Enjoying
My last night

Tomorrow
I'll be gone
Leaving
you alone

I hope
you
had
Your fun

Goodbye
My friends
I hope
We meet again

I'm glad
To say
That this
is the
End
For me

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So Close but So Far Away
(the song written for Christine)
written by Christa

I lay my head down to sleep
Hoping that i'll dream of you
All i need is your comforting touch
And to hear your so sweet voice

These feelings I just can't keep
Everyday it's the same old thing
I'm missing you but you're a foot away
How can you be so close but so far away

Each day that goes by
These feelings get stronger
Please let me show you
How I feel

These feelings I just can't keep
Everyday it's the same old thing
I'm missing you but you're a foot away
How can you be so close but so far away

(Bridge)

These feelings I just can't keep
Everyday it's the same old thing
I'm missing you but you're a foot away
How can you be so close but so far away...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

hmm... i've written these three songs this year... been playing guitar for a little over a year now... no lessons all self taught. i hope i could start up a band... if not okay but a band sounds nice.. people say i should be a writer others say i should be a singer/songwriter. i think i should try out both and see how that is. hehi really should recored these songs... lol i have a couple fans that would like it. (Christine) lol damnit... i love that girl to the maxx!! LOL i'm out for now

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OMG!!! my comp has been really stupid so far... well anyways i'm back to nutang and i'm glad to be back i've missed nutang sooo much... it really sucked when my comp just liked xanga... i hate xanga... it bugs me cuz i can't do really cool stuff!!

Hmm... wonder how everything is with me now-a-days??

well lets see i have a girlfriend now... she's great! and really nice and polite down to earth (i think) LOL did i mention she's a cheerleader?? i guess not heh i love her soo much. even though she can be very childish at times... but still i love her soo very much. and she's like my perfect match like she's my girly part of me. and she tells me that i'm perfect for you. ::sigh:: i've never felt like this before it's pretty crazy... you may say that "oh it's just puppy love..." but it's not that. i've known this girl for 3 years and i always felt something for her but i never realized it like this same with her she has never felt like this about anyone before... the thing about her is that she's straight and she fell head over heels in love with me. i even waited through her two boyfriends that she had before me and both of them i didn't partically were very fond of.... damned horny fucks... you all know that everyone has there fir share of bad relationships so yea i want to show her what a really good relationship feels like... i hope that we stay together for a long time.
what else....
oh yea... school well i'm in the 10th grade now... and i dunno it's ok... the only good thing is that Christine is apart of my life now. she's soo kewl!!
Mr. Boulton is my AP teacher but i'm kicked out of AP cuz of my grades... poop... and Mrs. Paul is crazee... Mrs. Cook i hate... ugh... i can go on about my teachers forever.
I think my parents know about me and Christine cuzthey wouldn't let her sleep over after my partee... that's not fair like we're going to do anything anyways...
OH YEAH!!! i forgot to mention that i'm now 16!!! wow i'm old and short... LOL gosh what happened to my childhood... i miss it and plus it was taken away from me at a very young age... so that's not fair i want to relive it but this time live it like a regular kid. heh
On the fone with my girly and she's going a bit crazee but i love her anyways heh... she's home alone so yea LOL it makes me laugh and it scares me a little cuz i'm not really used to hearing her act like this... LOL it's a surprise. she surprises me everyday and i love that about her.
Damn Cheerleaders except her cuz she's cool and she's not an airhead and plus she's an outcast amongst them. to be cont. later

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I'm finally back on line after how long of tv... lol so glad!!!

yesterday was the best day so far since school started!!! but it was radier writing day... still it was hilarious!!

first period... Algebra 2 nothing much some laughs. Mark and Brian were asleep behind me and these guys across the room threw paper balls at brian lol. funny...

second period... was just scary Mr. Boulton's AP European History class... lol i'm scared of the guy and his really bad sweat stains eww... but he still interests me with his "good" lectures.

third! this is where the fun begins!!! Ms. Paul's advanced english class!!! haha she's funny and strange and exetremely hyped up on caffine!!! lol the first time i saw her she was holding a mug and an empty coffee pot. lol and labbering on about something very very very very quickly. lol

fourth!! this is where i practically die of laughter!!! Ms. Hernandez the spanish teacher (i'm not supposed to have this class but i really like it!!) is passing out books to everyone but me, cuz i'm leaving soon, my friend Marian got a book from me and Ms. Hernandez starts walking towards us asking marian this "Heather, do you need a book? Heather, do you need a book??" LOL i say "Heather...? Her name is Marian." Marian says "Yeah like Marian Catholic High..." LOL the rest of the day i was messing with "Heather" all day. LOL// next thing what happened... ms. Hernandez was taking role at the end of the period (i dunno why at the end) and she got to Shante Pose and she couldn't say her name but she tried and boi did she try. when she sed it the first time i was laughing hard!!! everyone was staring at me but the soon got why i was laughing. she finally got around to saying it the sixth time with sooo much exageration and her thick spanish accent "Shantay Poussay" I was Laughing so hard i couldn't breath and i was crying... lol shante stormed out into the hall way. i couldn't blame her. from then on i can never hear the name Heather and not laugh including watching the movie "Heathers" starring Winona ryder. and also i can't look at Shante straight in the face anymore without cracking... LOL my gosh!!!

Fifth period PE. with Christine. She's such a rad girl that is a Cheerleader LOL who'd ever thought that a rock chic would get onto the JV cheer then onto the Varsity Squad??? lol i didn't but she did it and that's a first that i'ver heard and seen. we mess around soo much... i told her what happened to me in fourth and i made her cry from laughing soo much!!! Gosh!! it was just that funny. then i tried to tell her that i kinda liked her but it's hard and also she's question of herself so yea that's always a great sign. then i remembered she has a BF... that brought me down a notch. but still it was great.lol i said out loud in the gym "I need to change my cookie!" lol that got her crying again.

at lunch i hung out with her and the guy she's with lol i don't even know his name... i'm bad LOL but yea it was fun then in the Cafeteria i said "Poussay" and she turned around and said to me "Yeah I know you like 'Poussay'." i slapped her on the back hard she slapped me in the face hah that's fair isn't it lol.

sixth period! SUBSTITUTE!!! Mr. Mattison!!! WOOO!!!! lol i've had that sub for english last year haha it was funny cuz of Radley HAHAHAHAH!!!! Radley Angles!! hahaha he's popular with everyone and everyone knows him. haha he's just hilarious. Mr. Mattison "Radley you're not allowed within 10 yards of Mr. Mattison." LOL

then there's VolleyBall practice heh i'm offically the manager for the JV team it's great!!! heh I dogging Marian. I told Monica about me being yea. lol she was a little shocked but kewl lol. Marian fell in the Locker room!! HAHAH i knew she would!!! that was pretty much my day yesterday. today i'm going to Mira Mar for a party lol heh gotta wear hawaiian shiznit lol heh i guess this is all for now

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well i got into summer school. heh i spent my first day in the cafeteria with my friend Leilani. heh we had fun being bored as fuck in there. they sed that they were going to be calling people into the counseling center and that was around... umm... 8 - 8:30 in the morning. by that time i've been waiting since 7:20 that morning. so i thought i wasn't going to wait that long. boy was i ever wrong. from 7:20 to 12:23 i waited for them to call my name. finally when i got there i found out that i had classes and i missed my classes... gosh.... also to put on top of that i didn't get a class i really needed! instead of Geometry i got Biology and to make that even more worse i got the same teacher i had during the year!!! lol i didn't need Bio but i needed english. but i'm stuck in that class cuz geom is full. damned crappy numbers!!! heh
anyways... in my english class i made a new friend. Kayla heh she's kewl. she went to Coronado High for her freshie year and she knew my friend Shannon that goes there. heh funness!!! she's going to be going to MVH next year cuz she got kicked out of Coro High. it sux cuz that school is kewl!! lol hmm... o yea i'm moving this weekend to a new house and everything. ugh imma miss this neighborhood!!!! how it was always quiet and how i can bike to people's houses and to the beach and everything... gosh this really sux... but now at my new house i can walk to AMC 24 and to Starbucks and to the other fast food places heh. and also i have a pool in the backyard. so i guess it's ok. but still i like it here better cuz my friends live here and everything. hmm... i think i'm in the mood to type today. heh i think so cuz i ran out of things to type but i'm still typing like a xrazy maniac lol. hmm.. i hope i get this hunk-of-junk (computer) when my dad gets a new one. heh imma fix it up and get a new harddrive and fix the cd-rom and add a burner. then i'm set!! that's all for now before i think of something else to type about. my pure nonsense is getting to me... lol

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good morning cyberspace!!!! lol whoa.... STOP DICK CHENEY!!!! heh. anyways.... thnx to Marian for helping me i finished my song!!! she made up the first verse


My Sweet Nightmare




It hurts to know
The fact that we would never be
I guess this love
I have for you
You will never feel
It hurts even when I see your face
How I long each day for you

Sitting all alone
Thinking of you
You’ve never left my mind
Always haunting me
Always taunting me
My nightmare

I gave you love
Through my words
Straight from my heart
I wanted you
To know how I felt
How I cared

Sitting all alone
Thinking of you
You’ve never left my mind
Always haunting me
Always taunting me
My nightmare

You got scared
From how I felt
You ran away from me
I didn’t mean
to hurt you so bad
I’m sorry

Days go by
So very slowly
Our bond is wasting away
Away


heh there that's my song. my fingers are sore from playing it all day yesterday on my guitar. but alls good. i just have to memorize it and learn how to play it in from of ppl. ::sigh:: my first song... sad and true. heh also for sure now i'm moving. my parents signed the papers and everything while i was walking around in vons and rite-aid looking like i was going to steal things. lol i was being stupid i was walking around not paying attention and i kept bumping into things and making them fall. haha ppl were looking at me. it's was funny to me at least. hmm...
i hope you guys like my song. if not then go ahead and critize me heh i don't care i wan true and honest opinions. heh

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my internet provider is being stupid. lol and i'm sitting here watching the telly. isn't tv over rated now-a-days? including movies? lol rated R for language lol well i hear that much language in one class at school. hahthe summer so far is sad and lonely. thanx to me leaving school on a sour moment. ::sigh:: i still need lyrics for my riffs from my guitar. well i do have some...

sitting all alone
thinking of you
you've never left my mind
always haunting me
always taunting me
my nightmare.

hmm... what do you think? lol sux that no one can hear it though. lol i dunno what else to write for tonight... i'll come back tomorrow hopefully. as i always say "I love to hate love." heh aren't oxymorons great??? lol aighty i'm out cold

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well school is offically over let the boredom begin!!! haha the last few days of school yer sad fun and upseting. sad cuz it's the end of the year fun cuz i had good times with me pals and unpseting cuz my love didn't accept my apology. Still thinks i'm scary. gosh i thought she was open minded. ::sigh:: well that sucked the joy of no more school right out of me. at least i got to see her one last time before the long two months. when i was walking to April's house i saw her and Andrew. she looked at me like i was crazy and andrew just talked to me. hmm.. when i saw her i got the chills down my back and my face felt hot. i think i was blushing but i'm not sure cuz i was too cold to tell. i love her with all my heart she's such a rad person. i wouldn't dare control her ::looks at david B.:: she's just soo awsome. it's just something about her draws me to her not just her perfect bod. (i never really noticed it at first) she's just... i don't know. ::sigh::... anyways... i ran out of books to read again so i went to Waldens. they don't carry my favorite author so i had to get something else so i got
heh i haven't started reading it yet but i'm going to tonight. i wonder how long it'll take me to read this lol The Fuck-up by Arthur Nersesian. heh hmm... i don't know what else to out so i'm out for now...

------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT!!!

C	Cute
H	Hot
R	Rounded
I	Inspirational
S	Silent
T	Talented
A	Accurate

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am i cute am i hot??? gosh... really now...

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Tamela told liz about the letter and that i wrote it... gosh imma get her tomorrow!!! UGH!!!!! ... i feel angry and depressed again!!! ::sigh:: why me... why do i always screw up when i'm just starting to get better..... she better be wearing her running shoes tomorrow morn!! cuz she's going to be running for her life!!! imma wake up really early tomorrow and i think i'm going to walk to school. but i doubt i wake up too late to walk... but imma try cuz i dunno tamela is getting it!!!!! why did she tell her... gosh.. i trusted her... i should have learned from when she told about April liking Alain (pronounced Allan) gosh... i dunno what to say/type... too much going on in my head... i guess i'm out for now...

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