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Tuesday. 3.24.09 12:09 pm
Since the last time I wrote so much has happened that I don't even know how to give a synopsis on it. I've thought, felt, traveled, cried, laughed and a whole slew of other things since.

And compared to Elessar257 i'm on the calmer end of the drama/excitment pool.

So, I guess this entry is the prelude to an actual entry which shall of course happen at a later date. But soon.
Oh yes, soon.



now, for the gathering of thoughts.

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COLE: 12/07-2/09
Tuesday. 2.17.09 12:19 pm


One of my Guinea Pigs got sick.
The vet that was able to look at him would have cost 80 dollars to basically walk in through the doors, PLUS whatever medications they would have given him.
I wanted to - but I just couldn't. Money is tight and he didn't seem in pain.
I gave him some milk with water, hay, some pellets and a yogurt chip. He nibbled.

When I came back he was gone. Aldo was a life saver. He held me and let me cry then took Cole outside so I wouldn't have to see him. He promised me that Cole is happy and with Domino, Percy, and Buster, possibly even Ducky and the green parakeet. We talked and cried and mourned. Then we talked and cried some more. We ate dinner and watched some tv and that was the best part.

The next day we buried him. Aldo dug the hole - I helped. He's buried next to Percy and Domino. Somehow that's a happy thought.
Aldo also bought the shot for Jaden's worms.
Don't know what I would have done without him. Or what Jaden would have done for that matter....

These past few weeks have been.....stressful. Hectic. Sad. But they come complete with brief brief interludes of what I would call.....I don't know. Something between peace and happy. I've had alot to think about - and I need to start doing even more. Quite a bit more.

I've decided to go back to school. Starting NOW. well, not NOW seeing as we're in the middle of the semester.....but first semester in the summer. I'm trying to devise time to go back to Denton to see my advisor (who this year is a woman I've had before and is AWESOME!) and to figure out scholarship everything. Work is...good - i'm actually happy at work. But....it's not enough. I got passed over for my promotion and i'm only working about 20-25 hours a week. I don't want to quit but this is just barely cutting it. I'm surviving but not exactly saving any money. Of course, various financial emergencies have reared their ugly head this year - made it through though. Just barely - but still.

Since I've decided all this, I've felt a certain measure of peace. Which is comforting since I have been praying about it. There's still conversations to be had - but for the most part I think this is right. Now it's just up to me to make it happen. I might drive myself into the ground and perhaps even get myself in a little bit of debt - but once i'm teaching I think i'll be really happy. I think.

Things are still kind of up in the air. It seems I've been saying that for years and years. Perhaps, nothing ever really settles. I don't know if that's a good or not. well.....perhaps it's neither. Perhaps.....Perhaps it just IS.

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Betrayal.
Sunday. 2.1.09 3:01 pm
Pronunciation: \bi-ˈtrâ, bç-\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from be- + trayen to betray, from Anglo-French trahir, from Latin tradere — more at traitor
Date: 13th century
transitive verb
1: to lead astray ; especially : seduce
2: to deliver to an enemy by treachery
3: to fail or desert especially in time of need
4 a: to reveal unintentionally b: show , indicate c: to disclose in violation of confidence
intransitive verb
: to prove false



This is the only thing I could find that even begins to describe the smallest part of what this week has felt like.

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a thousand words
Friday. 1.30.09 6:42 pm

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