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Saturday. 9.11.04 2:21 pm
I was going to go to his house today, possible hang out, chill, what ever and that died with my family intervening. "do your hw we have to go to the mall, No yada yada" fucking shit. then i got really frustrated over some stupid shit and i think i'm just overly tired. Just tired. annoyed. i dont know. SAT class on saturday mornings are not good. not enough time with jess either. eh...

I wrote something during class though, don't know if it's worth anything but oh well.

Waking in a world where the dead live and hearts are lead. idiocy laughs and maturity stands, prose of the world and happiness in the sound singing to the art and making what is beautiful, dance with them as the worlds age. The source of your existence, of what you know, laugh at what has been and know that one might. feelings plague me nontheless laught at what you've got he's a sweeter one inside, i know its possible

fucking shit i am high as a mother fucking goat. wow. i need to stop writing like that. i dont understand shit of it, and the parts i do well, everyone knows about that so.. fucking. shit. i am crazy like none other.

i dont even.... oh well...

last night i watched a Led Zeppelin DVD... ok... that, hrm, can't even put into words. i think my soul is complete. haha. but seriously, ah, i cant. just watch it. listen to the music. ah man... the first time other than my dream that i have had emotion. true emotion. Led Zeppelin and this one boy can do that to me. hah, sick. and to anyone who doesnt know me, i have a lead heart. seriously do, no feeling in there, i know why but i like it like that. but those two, man. The emots do exist. But Led, ah, seriously. Ah... no words. no words.

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The Led
Friday. 9.10.04 10:26 pm

The Song will stay the Same
Led Zeppelin

My life is now complete...

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boys.... Sick
Thursday. 9.9.04 7:17 pm
Ok, priscilla's biggest problem. No, not really i dont know. lets put this in words i understand and ones that others dont...

the worlds blood ceases to flow and the faces stare up from clear liquid, screaming to one another, i know what it is, i know what theres to do but it isnt what i want and i dont really know.

ah, i cant even write right now. wow, that sentence just sucked ass, "write right" man i suck.

ok so the real deal. hrm. dreams.

I had a dream, i really loved it. i did, its something that hit a chord in my feelings that nothing has in forever. i have ceased to feel, apathy my gift and curse the same. i can forget the trivialities, the stupidity, the insanity, i can ignore all that is but in that, i lose "feeling" True emotion. The heart. i dont have that. or at least very little of it. its confusion that racks me and maybe even delusion, but something about it, about "him" kills me. i dont know. its INSANE. its life, how can he annoy me so but enter my dreams like that? But not annoy me at all, and intrigue me, and fucking, shit. that dream was so awesome, so completely what "could be" but not necessarily what "will be" if one of us took intiative and just oh i dont know, made a move, haha, something would happen we might be happy. but it wont you see, it cant cuz, well i dont make those moves, not with him at least, and i dont think he will either. SICK INSANLY SICK

maybe i just need to pay more attention,.
maybe i just need to wake my brain

I WISH the electrons would do their work and something would fire in here so that maybe just maybe, somthing will happen.

but then again when the whitt bojangled me telling me that to hope is nothing, for only action is something. I cant wish or hope, i have to take action, or i will never know. never ever know.... *sigh* but then again do i want to know? yes i fucking do.


the inanity of my insanity.....

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Saturday. 9.4.04 8:56 pm
Its a place to learn philosophy, its a place for peace, its a place for the aesthetic. it was beauty in all its essence.

allow the memories to wash, the thoughts to wane, and the feelings run...

let the shores crash, the water wave, and the wind blow.

be as they will, be as you can, be as YOU will.

ITs lovely isn't it?

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Something New
Wednesday. 9.1.04 9:18 pm

the gift of writing ceases, the sounds of worlds increase, you wondered about the clever, but acted of course, never. add me alone and subtract me people. thats all i want, as shown. When they feel the dispair, theres always the cold rush of air. Maybe i'll survive, maybe i'll die, but i have a talent and can revive. All throughout this life, i might. we'll see, you'll know, you'll heed everything. so, might as well go. might as well succeed.

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Monday. 8.30.04 9:49 pm
Whatever feelings or things i say this week are to be completely void and nullified.

If i do anything to change anyone's point of view, or envoke their emotions, whether it be positive or negative, just know that next week it will all mean nothing. positively NOTHING.

oh, and if i hurt your feelings. Go me.


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