so much new stuff to say!
one thing i would liek to announce is that im turning 16 on August 10! i know, so young still huh? lol.
Im also going to be a junior next year! Im excited because i have an AP class (advanced placement) and i am determined to pass the test at the end of the year so i wont have to take us history during college! :]

well, ive been going through some insecurities for a few days. Bought a dress, and i thought it looked really nice. But my mom said that my legs looked fat. =[. i really was bummed...but im ok now. I mean, just for a while i felt so...insecure. I knew God made me the way i look now for a reason, so you know...i thought about that and i felt better. I DO need to lose weight though. i want to go down 3 sizes in 2 years! do u think its possible if i start now? just wondering lol.

So....i need to buy a new dress. its for my friend's Debut. If no one knows what that is, its when a girl turns 18 and is basically accepted as a woman. pretty much like a quince, accept when you turn 18.

anyways, how is everyone on nutang? I feel like i left my nutang hanging! Aw man...im sorry Nutang! you are so good to me! time to make it up and go online for days at a time :]

well...im going to rome around nutang again, so bye for now! :]

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its been so long! i missed you nutang! im finally back! well, atleast for the day haha.

but yes, im here for you guys! lets recap...

Man, these past two weeks on true worship have been amazing. Because...for a while now, i admit, i felt as if this was it. I was almost perfect in my relationship with God. That i had nothing else to grow in. I mean, i didnt say that out loud, but i always asked God. "THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS RIGHT GOD?!". I asked him that many time, not noticing what God was saying. I knew there was "always room for improvement" but, i just felt like there was nothing else i could do to improve my relationship with God. I felt weak everyday pretty much without knowing it accept on fridays at youth group. I wondered why it felt so different being at school than at church. I was having spiritual slumps each and everyday without understanding why. Until last week. During worship i wondered why i was far from him. I wondered why i couldnt focus on him. I wondered why i wasnt giving my all. ANd then God showed me how far i really was form the finish line. This whole time i thought i had it figured out. But really, i didnt. DUring worship i then felt far from God, seeing how far i am from being what he wants me to be and doing what he wans me to do. But then, i learned that i cant just stick with the routine i have. That i read my bible to get it accomplished, not because i truley wanted to worship God. my prayer life was weak, and i never really prayed unless it was for my food, or whenever i was at church, or right before i slept, which i always fell alseep on him. He told me to rely on him again, and what he wanted me to do, instead of doing what i usually did just because it was the right thing to do. To stop and listen, to worship him while reading the word, so that the word would soak in. I feel as if i can rely on God more than i let myself rely on him. I feel soo much better! Because now, coming to church is not a routine, as it was becoming for me, but its where i look for encounters with God. :].

oh, what i also did was ask God to heal my ear tuesday night. i said "God, if you would heal my ear tomorrow, i would believe more in miracles. I give you my ear, take contorl of it. If i lose my hearing, then take it its ok, but i put it in your hands" Yes, i tested God a little, but you see...my ear was healed on wednesday! :]. But the catch i think God did was....I only asked if he coul dheal my ear "tommorrow" so thursday, my hearing wasnt as good lol. But yeah, it'll heal! I shall pray more about it lol.

oh yes. i truley do believe in miracles! AMEN! :]

and yes, thats what happened pretty much. I loved it man! i feel so great! im also on a secular music fast, no non christian music. Its hard to do that, because well, every show on television has secular music on it. so yeah, but i'll get through it!


but yes, time to go! lol. see u all later! byee!

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Lord God, i thank you for everything. you always amaze me, and its beautiful. I thank you for who i have become, and what you have set for my life. I trust in you with all my heart, i want your will to happen because i know its whats best. I know that so many things in my life seem to distract me, but im trying to become less distracted. I need you God, and you're the only route i can take that will lead me to the promise land. i look forward to the day when i finally see you.<3 :] love you so much lord! thanks!

your daughter,
daneva

:]. i hope you, who is reading this has a blessed day :]

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still in awe, still undeserving of God.

i've learned to be more aware of how i treat others. I've learned that others who aren't liked by many ARE people. They have feelings, they feel lonley at times. probably even more than i do. This recharge, God has been tugging at my heart to . . . be more compassionate towards others. To not follow the crowd and dislike someone just because others do. I find myself doing that, saying things i should never say, and thinking things i should never think. I stepped back to analyze myself. To see how i've been treated in the past from others. How i've been hurt because of how i look, how i speak and how i dress. And i see, it's the same thing these people go through. ACCEPT they go through it everyday. I am blessed beyond thought to know that a lot of people around me support me, and love me and laugh with me. These two people in particular, i feel as if. . . they have no one to really laugh with. They have no one's shoulder to cry on. Yes, both have God, but . . . it seems as if GOd is the only one that they can laugh with. I don't want them to feel lonely anymore. I want them to be happy, have friends, and know that someone is there for them. Regardless or how obnoxious, or loud, or much of a liar they are, i want to accept both of them. What if . . . God decided to ignore these people just because they are the way they are? Uh-oh. We all would be in big trouble then. I wouldn't feel so good if God ignored me. So i've learned so have more of a heart for EVERYONE.
I've also learned to break away from cliques. I mean, ofcourse i will always have those three best friends, and i will ALWAYS click with them, but theres room for close friendships too. Friendships with the people that seem to have only some friends. I don't like feeling left out AT ALL. I feel really stupid when someone does that to me, and i know how it feels. I don't want others to feel that way. I don't want people to think that they arent worthy of friendships with others.

i love you Lord God, thank you so much for opening my eyes, for using me, and guiding me. It burdens me how others put the world before you. How i put the world before you. Thank you for working in so many people these past few days. You have impacted my life in a way i cant evben explain. You are more than enough for me, and i yearn for more than enough for myself. Fill me with you, fill my family with you, fill my church with you. Just fill my life with you.. kill my flesh daily, kill those wants of this world, kill the desires that start to grow. Cut out those things in my life that keeps me away from you.

thank you Lord.


I've also learned to not take anything for granted. Not my family, my friends, and not in God. If i take God for granted, that means the world won me over, and i don't want that. Seeing peopel around me falling away from God hurts. It makes me scared that i will do the same. It makes me think that i may fall the same way. But In Jesus name, i will not fall away from God. I will not let the world win me over. I will not turn my back on God. Ofocurse, i wills tumble, i will fall, but i will never walk so far away from God that i don't even know who he is anymore. I count on God for this, because i have fallen in love with him. My creator, my savior, my love.
No more taking God and the blessings he has given me for granted. I may forget at times, but i will try to remind myself of the things in my life that matter.

To Diana, Bemi and Micah:

So sorry to my best friends who it seems as if i haven't been close to this week. I'm trying to get to know everyone :]. You guys know, we always say we need to be cliquebusters, and yes we have improved TREMENDOUSLY with that, but we need to be a bit more less cliquey. We will always be best friends, we have eachother just a call away, and all of us have aim now lol. Ofcourse, we will all be loud with eachother on friday nights all the time, and hang out a bit on fridays. But its time to...let everyone feel welcome into our circle. Instead of going straight to eachother after service, we should meet, greet and mingle with other people. Ya feels? :]. (we can mingle together too! its fine :]) Then, we can hang out. We're basically gunna see eachother on sundays, wednesdays and fridays. Saturdays too if we hang out lol. Aren't we still gunna take some pictures yes? Just the four of us? :]. I need ot save up mula, because i owe LOTS of people. WEll, three people including myself for eating the church candy x]. SO lets be more open to others. You guys KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE! IM YOUR BEST FRIEND GUYS! lol. So feel free to flood my shoulders with rivers of tears, it's ok. (you know that already lol). Trust me with any problem, i promise to listen and help God pick you back up. I love you guys soo much, and today i was thinking, "what if any of them were gone?" and i came to tears, because you guys mean so much =*]. Thankyou for being my best friends guys, i wouldn't be where im at without you all. :]. God put us together for a reason man! Let's do his will! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

x33 Daneva.

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Well, i still havent gotten a chance to talk to him. Maybe . . . wednesday? or . . . friday? but yes, i need to set it straight.

school.
ugh. Bad grades first semester, but turning over a new leaf :]. Im gunnad o my best this semester fo sho` lol. I feel like . . . i can get A's in all of my classes if i just try. (accept for math, i can strive for a B right? :]) But yeeah, i got an F in math :[. I wish i could hide all my report cards, but ofcourse my mom will ask me where it is lol. Well . . . im taking summer school =[. unless ofcourse, i wait until im a senior and take the whole class over again. BUT, i don't want to do that.

SLEEP.
I've been sleeping during the day for two days straight. It sucks because i don't want to sleep during the day or else i get a headache and i don't do the things i want to do when i want to do them. So i gotta stop taking "quick naps" because i end up taking up three ours of daylight for my sleep. That my friends, isnt productive lol.

Valentines day.
Yes, it's coming up. I was for maybe two days or so, thinking that i will ask one of my guy friends to be my valentine. But, i dont think i will anymore, because . . . i don't want to start any feelings you know? So im gunna be aloen this valentines day, like always ^_________^.

piano.
It's time for me to pick out my classes for next year. Im sur i will get piano as my elective, and i really want it too. I can't help but think that i may be able to write my own songs after learning how to play. That is my dream, to just . . . write lyrics and take a picture to match the song. :]

computer ed.
easiest class since i'm used to typing already lol. So yeah, i guess i have to type proper though, which takes longer for me to type cuz im not used to resting my fingers on the "home keys" x].

yeeap. thats some recaps :].

Dear God,
I need you<3.
x33 Daneva

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thanks everyone who commented lol. But i think...theres a bit of a mix up lol. Im not going out with this guy, im just trying to start a new friendship with him. You see...i've liked him for what? almost 2 years. And before i liked him, we were pretty good friends. I mean, he was him back then, the immature, weird kid who would draw out curse words on his cousins back. (thats what he was doing when i met him lol). I've known him for about three years, and it's so weird now. I mean, when is tarted to like him, it wa good, great and dandy. But as time went on, he found out, and our friendship could never be the same again. I couldn't talk to him cuz i was shy, i knew he knew, so i didnt want to say anything to him. And for for the past year or more, we havent been able to be friends. What is really weird is that maybe 2 months ago was when our friends got closer to eachother, but we didnt get close to eachother. Like...if i was in a room with all of his and my friends in it, he would be the only one that i didnt talk to. We both just couldnt be friends for some reason. I guess its because of me, because i was scared to talk to him, and blah blah blah. When our friends got closer to eachother, i decided to just be friends, because i didnt think that it wa gunna work out anyways if we did like eachother. (which, he doesnt). And so i felt really weird how our friends are all friends, and i am friends with everyone else, but we cant tlak to eachother? So i decided to confront him last friday, and tell him i liked him, but just wanted to be his friend. I guess you can say...we have a weird aquaintanship lol. But yeah, hes just a "friend" or soon to be friend? I dont know, we'll see what happens on friday lol. But yeah, thats how it is. Im waiting for him to open up about the whole situation. Is it to much to ask him to open up about what he felt about this whole last year and stuff? I have no idea what i want, i just want to be friends where we can say hi to eachother, where he can say "hi" without me saying it first. That i know if im down and out, that he would be one of those friends that would pick me up. Thats it, we dont have to be hecka close, where we call eachother everyday and stuff, just friends.

i wish i could turn back time...so i could tell myself not to start liking him haha. What a load off my chest that woulda been if i stopped myself.

Yes, so we're just friends, i liked him, and im trying to establish a friendship AGAIN. if only...he spoke.

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