so it's been a super duper long while since i have been on here.
so let me catch up on some things:

well, i am a junior now at stagg highschool! wooh! i still love Jesus (that's a given :]). & i got a 4.0 last quarter! i LOVED it :]. Anyways...

i've been stressed with being red cross president, student leader of my youth group, and being an ap us history student. But besides that, i've been hanging out with my friends consecutively. And honestly, it takes up most of my time that i should have for myself. I need to relax, and manage my time. And it doesn't help that hanging out with friends seems to be an obligation now because of the ginourmous clique my friends and i have become. It sucks, because others do truley feel left out, and i think by saying no to hanging out sometimes would do me some good :].

i miss nutang! i know its been long, but no matter what, i always come back to this site :]. oh yeah! new layout, the background is from Goong (a korean drama). It's good, but we can't watch it online anymore, because it became licensed.

so this was a quick blog, but it feels good to be back :]. I'm gunna try to blog and comment others weekly :]. Hoping i will!

so now it's time to go! :D. I care for u all (because love is a strong word)

x33 Daneva

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i just want to know
why?

we were good friends, but it just didn't last. Maybe its because of my feelings for you. Its ok though, im used to getting hurt. But...i'm just sick of it.
it always happens to me.
i cant say we didn't share good times, we did. I loved being around you. But not anymore. I'm sick of being the one who tries to talk to you while you walk away. So, as much as it hurts, i'm going to stop talking to you. It's up to you now to talk to me. Because i don't want to be hurt by you. I'll stop my urges of coming up to you first. I'll stop myself from the hurt and not talk to you. And you may not know it, but its on you to keep this friendship going as strong as it was. Because i've tried to make it work, but its just not working. So instead of seeing you walk away, i'll just wait until you walk by. It's a burden to lose such a great friendship in a 3 week period, but it happens. so i put it in God's hands, and let his will happen. We have choices and i chose to let go of this now, hoping you will ask me to pick it back up. (if it's God's will, it will happen, because im letting him take control). Of course you are my friend still, but you just need to show me that you want our friendship to be like it was before.

well, i admit it,
I just m i s s you.

x33 daneva
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i re-read an old blog from my xanga<3
ugh! we've done so much..
we've went through alot already. We are just friends..but there are alot of things we have done...
+ talking in weber point while Bemi fell asleep.
+ At Allen's grad party, our faces got so close while we were playing the Reader's Digest games. That was weird...i...was nervous...plus ben was RIGHT there. urgh.
+ When i asked you if you wanted to change partners to be Kristine's...You said "sorry, i was tripping that day". I was sad...at Bemi's party when you said you wanted to switch...but you told me you didnt want to anymore...i was...happy.
+ BOWLING. you "got mad" because of what i said about left handers. starting the "you are forgiven, leave"
+ I say "you are forgiven, now leave" when i "get mad" at you lol
+ Rosemary's debut...we talked a lot xD. & you got mad at me and said "Can you please stop your sick mind from thinking that i want to be in a relationship with her?" I thought it was cute when you did that xD
+ my dream (even if it wasnt real) you asked me to go to dinner with you...then you bailed..asking Diana to go. Yeah...that was sad lol. pretty LAME too lol
+ I am in charge of your myspace...
+ You gave me your starbursts (but sometimes starbursts are just...starbursts)
+ you come up to me all the time.
+ we always seem...to get really close to each other's faces
+ Cortney's house, we ate by each other...and you wanted to share a seat with me because you took my seat and made me sit on the hairy seat.
+ You hold things for me xD. I do it..because..i want to see if you would..
+ Thanks for taking pictures for me...its really nice :]
+ You got mad at me during Fellowship (Reach. connect. Grow) because i wanted to take the camera back lol.
+ we got close again...while talking about if you really did like Kristine before. (r.c.g)
+ you halfed icecream with me haha! chocoberry & strawcolate lol.
+ in return for you giving me your starburts..i gave you my reeses :].

i can't believe i made a list. it breaks my heart to know we don't do these things anymore :[

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so i guess turning 16 is a very big thing, because all weekend i have celebrated it.
so friday yeah...i got a cake from Micah and we ate at church ^___^. & i got my it started with a kiss dvd's and ferrero rochers! lol.

then saturday...
my auntie gave me 20 bucks and i know it is not much, but hey, it is something right? So then me my mom and auntie went to Misaki's and ate some yummy chicken katsu and rocknroll sushi! :]]]]. After that, me my mom and auntie walked to the barrio festival (filipino festival in stockton). So when i got there, my mom and auntie went to hang out with my other auntie in her apartment, and my brother, Bemi and Cortney met me there :]]]]. So we hung out and i saw my friends who graduated: Donald and Chris! aaw! gunna miss that darn donald! lol. Anyways...we watched some filipino dances and some dance teams like team chaos and the dance team from Edison High. Man, competition/rivals! seriously lol. But...Team Chaos won only because the girls wore very...provocative shorts and did some freaking dance moves or whatever. So i liked the Edison team because they didn't have to be so sexy in their routine to have a good dance :]. So yes...after that...Bemi and Cortney came to my house to watch it started with a kiss while Mark Leo Dustin and JA did guy stuff haha.

Then Sunday
CHURCH was greeeeeeeeeat! loves P. Ben's preaching! straight to the point and real talk xD. Then after that...i went home and all the guys, rachel, heather and bemi came over to hang out i guess. (All teh guys, i mean jr, kevin, james, rg and christian). Man, did not finish my homework like i wanted to, so i need to do it after im done blogging! lol. Then diana came by which was good because i thought she wasnt gunna be able to make it lol. So at 7ish, we went to mac grill...and everyone who was there was: Me, Dustin, James, Kevin, Christian, Jr, Bemi, Diana, Heather, Rg, Hannah, Micah, Linzy, Jesse, Ben, Allen, Rachel, Cortney, Mark and Ja. Yes, 20 people party packed into Macaroni Grill lol. So Hannah got me a birthday present! and it was the umbrella i wanted from barrio! (a chinese style umbrella thing and its green!) and a nice scented candle for my room ^__^. After that, we all got seated and we ate lots of food! lots and lots! and got soo full that we didn't finish our actual meal and all had our leftovers to go lol. People were talking about Jr asking to go out with me -________-;;. I mean yeah...we are good friends and i like him! But really...it was just a bet...(i'll elaborate on it more later). So yes, i got free cake, and had a person sing to me in italian! lol. What a great night, but too bad most of us have school tomorrow, we couldnt hang out more,and i have homework! So now, we all are at home lol.

So now...time to talk about the Jr thing. Yeah, he is one of my really good friends, and i like him. Yeah, its true xD...Anyways...
So i guess people notice that we are really close. So there was a bet between Jr, Christian, Kevin and James. They made a bet that whoever lost in Halo would either ask me or Bemi out. So like...i guess Jr lost. And he chose to ask me because if he asked Bemi that would be weird because they are cousins lol. So then...right before church started, he came up to me and was like "When i ask you something, slap me ok?" and...so i was like "church service is starting" and i went back to my chair. So after church...he came up to me and was like "slap me ok?" and he then said..."You want to go out with me?" and i smiled and slapped him really lightly on the face. So then...at macaroni grill...people were like "are you gunna ask her?" and i was just like
"he already did" "
ooh! what did you say???"
"i slapped him"
"why didn't you say yes?!"
"because he told me to slap him"
"What? But you guys make a good couple though!"
etc...etc...

but i mean...it was a bet. He is my really close friend. And i dont take it bad that he just asked me out of a bet, because it wasn't that mean. He told me about the bet so yeah :]. Anyways..time for homework now! byee!

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church was beautiful during my birthday! i was happy! lol. Service was great, i finally have found out what God has wanted from me. Well, i've known, but you know...i pushed it to the side. But really, he wanted more time from me. I mean yeah, i read my bible like a "good religious" person would do, but i mean...if i read it just because im use to reading and feel like i have to, then what is the purpose? I need to get something out of it right? And its time to just...read because i love God and because i want to know his word, instead of breezing through chapters just to get it done. Anyways...after this blog time for God lol.

i got my it started with a kiss dvd's from my lovely friends Diana and Mark! how sweeet! lol. It was so cool! i almost cried! I also got a card, very cute sticker saying i am cool and brilliant and what not lol. Micah also made me a cake! and to put candles on the cake, she used matches and stuck them in ranch packets from Burger King lol. Anyways, the cake was reeces! i loooooved it! lol. Thanks guys! lol. Then Ben gave me a 5 dollar gift card to wal-mart and is paying for my ticket for Faith night featuring Hawk Nelson! OH YES! Hawk Nelson = LOVE. lol. Then my mom brought in chicken and the whole youth group munched down on it all! yay! lol.

but...what i really missed was well...
him. -___-;;. He didn't have a ride to church today...So him and his brother didn't get to go. I mean...i really wish he did. I don't know...i feel sad that i didn't see him on my birthday. But it's ok...but i really wanted to see if he would get me anything or...do something to show me that he really wanted me to have a happy birthday. But its ok, i mean, it didn't happen, and it is ok :]]].

ok, time for God! night!

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aye-mayzing i might say.
it was so good!
So basically...the youth fellowship was a blast!
fun, super fun ^___^ lol.
people Reached For God, Connected with him and Grew!
Reach - looked for God with all of their heart
Connect - started and built a relationship with God and let go of things that separated them from him.
Grow - they grew by giving things up and trying to show the world who God is through who they are :].
we shine for Jesus man, we surley do xD.
regardless of who puts us down for it, im still gunna live my life for God because Jesus gave up his for mine.

oh man, i think about who i was. Then i think about Relient K's song "Who i am Hates Who I've Been" (THEY ARE A CHRISTIAN BAND BY THE WAY, usually people dont think christian music sounds like that. but...there are a lot of christian bands out there that are secular too..like switchfoot, lifehouse, the fray and the afters)
i think about that song, and it is so true. Who i am does hate who i've been. I've changed so much these past 2 years.
I read my old blogs, and i know, everyone sounds different in their old blogs..
but its different for real. I read them and all i blogged about was my sad days...and how hopless my life was. How i hated where i lived, and talking about my "friends" who i wanted to fit in with, but really didnt. I read those blogs, and all i read is FAKE. I was a fake person. i mean come on now... Fakexsmile was my old nickname?? Obviously, there was something fake about me. I pretended to be this bigshot person who knew everyone and lied about everything. Well..not everything. But...a lot of things. My blogs would end on either a bad note, or a curse word or whatever...hopeless blogs that only got me even sadder.
But not anymore. I reached for God about 3 years ago. I connected with God about 2 years ago. And I've grown ever since i've connected with him.
No more cursing. No more hopeless blogs. No more talking about people who i want to mingle with. & most of all, no more being FAKE.
I'm a different person. No, I'm not perfect. I know that for sure. But i live my life as genuinely as possible. I may be a hypocrite some times, because even if i try not to, i end up messing up in my relationship with God. But the thing that matters most to God is not that i've fallen, but the fact that i get back up, carry that cross and move on. I'm glad i have changed. I look back and hate it. But i look forward, and love it, because i know God has even greater things in store for me.
so you can hate me because i love Jesus. But i wont hate you<3. today was just awesome. It made me think of how much i have changed because i have reached for God, connected with him, and grew in him.

i love you God! :]

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you know what?
my days have been brighter, and i've been happy :]]]].
this week is going great, and WILL be great.
(thinking positive here lol)

Well, Sunday night i had a dream.
quite weird i might say. And i know it was just a dream and stuff...but yeah. i've had better dreams before xD.

so...in my dream. He ims me on aim and he asks me to go out to eat with him for dinner or whatnot. So i get ready, get dressed up and stuff...
and i log back online to see he is still on. And he ims me again...
and tells me im not going anymore, because he asked another girl to go instead.
and im just like "oh ok".
and what sucks is that its a girl he has known for a while now.
but he told me he doesnt have any feelings for her (in real life).

but yeah...that was my dream.
ok, so it wasnt SO bad, but like i said, i had better xD.

but yes, this week is GREAT.
relationship with God = GREAT.
relationship with Friends = GREAT.
relationship with myself = PRETTY GOOD.
relationship with him = JUST FRIENDS.

so it all evens out, and i am GREAT! lol.
just in a happy mood because im doing homework tonight B].
if i stay on track, i only have to read 26 pages a day, and i'll be done with the book by the end of the month exactly. WOOH! yay for me being on track! lol that gives me...6 days to do my worksheets for ap us hustory and make a poster for my summer reading in english ^__^.

i indeed, am good B].
fellowship this friday and block party this saturday! so excited for what God has in store for us ^__^

ok, time to do more homework!
byee!

FUN FACT:
The milk of a hippopotamus is bright pink.

hippos have milk? 0__0

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