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Links and such
The Family Project : My Charity 200 stocks that pay : 200 stocks that pay monthly dividends per share. Interest Rate Calculator : A quick and rough script that I coded to help me figure my daily and monthly interest earnings. Feel free to use it and I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions on how to make it better. Bankaholics.com : A good resource if you're looking for a good online savings account. GetRichSlowly.com : Someone who gives far better advice than me on financial ventures. My Money Blog : Another personal finance blog. A good place to get information about saving and credit cards. | Fractions of Love Thursday. 12.28.06 3:04 pm I figured out what this knot in my stomach is. I've been over it and over it a million times but I think I've finally figured it out. I'm lonely. I'm in love, and yet I feel completely and utterly alone. I only get to see my girlfriend a few times a week, usually for only a few hours when she remembers to set aside time for us. The worse part is, I'm honestly beginning to question if she even really loves me. I'm beginning to think she only thinks she loves me for some reason. When I was younger and more naive I had all these ideas and hopes about what it would be like to be in love. I imagined wanting to be with each other every second. I imagined snuggling and holding hands and having long conversations late into the night. I imagined both of us thinking about the other person and missing them when they weren't around. And not being able to wait for the next time we'd be able to be together. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to feel like I love her more than she loves me. I'm not supposed to feel guilty for wanting to spend so much time with her. Everytime I try to get close she reacts as if I'm trying to smother her. Like I expect her to give me every ounce of her attention and free time. Half the time all I want is to just be around her. It would just be nice to feel like I'm important to her. Like she needs me even a little bit. Instead of feeling like if I disappeared she'd be sad for a week or two and then move on. It would be nice, just once, to have her call just because she wanted to talk to me or hear my voice. To have her want me to come over because she misses me or feels lonely, and not because she thinks she's obligated to spend time with me. I can name a dozen little things and quite a few big things about her that I love but sometimes I wonder if she'd be able to do the same. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't just like me a lot. God so much of the time I just feel like crying because I'm so in love with her and miss her so much and all I want is to feel like she feels the same way. It's ripping me up inside. I feel awful all the time now. I can't work up an appetite for anything. I have no friends except for her, I have no hobbies that I'm good enough at to distract me. I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with no car and no license.The worse part is I honestly don't know if I'm justified in feeling this way or if there's something wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with me? Comment! (2) | Recommend! Music Friday. 12.8.06 9:37 am Music: Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls Don't really feel like writing. Or doing much of anything. In a weird funk lately. Stupid thoughts going through my stupid head. I'm sure they'll turn out to be wrong. Who knows. Comment! (2) | Recommend! |