i am happier now. fuck my whole family. fuck everyone. they can all die for all that i care. joe is the only person that i care about...the only person that i need. he is the only one that cares and listens to me...i loves him so much!!! i wish that i could express my love for him better...but someday i will be able to...but for now, i really cannot do much...grrrrrr it is so frustrating!!!

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i need to talk to someone...or i dunno...i just need to fucking disappear...no one here would really care...i try hard to make them happy...but nothing ever works...they just want more and more...so i stop trying and they all gang up on me...rag on me for every little thing as soon as i wake up until i go to bed...i am so tired of it...i can never win...no matter how hard i try...it always takes its toll...i dunno what to do anymore...i hate this place so much...everything i say falls upon deaf ears...no one listens to me...so why should i even try?

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i found this hehehehe and i agree with it. it is about labels. Prep- A Cheerleader or Social Leader. Punk- A sort of outcast that has an attitude. Thug- A type of prep usually wears Ecko clothes. Gangster- A type of Thug, preps pretend to act like. Also Ecko. Goth- A dark person obsessed with death and black. Normies- those usually quiet carefree people that are just normal and are not made fun of. Skater- Somebody who has an attitude, a cross between prep and punk. Listen to skater music that is pop punk. Poser- somebody pretending to be like any of these and knowing nothing about them. Rocker- listens to hard rock and dresses like it too. Preps 1. Join Cheerleading, gymnastics, or sometimes girl scouts at a young age. Some dancers can be in this label too. 2. Basically, be active and skinny. 3. To be one, suck up all the time and keep up with fashion. 4. Only laugh when they do, until you are excepted. 5. Don't go too far into dressing like them, yet. 6. DO NOT GO AGAINST THEM, especially the leader. 7. Do not ask them if you can sit with them or to do something for them, that makes you seem like a servant to them. 8. Speak when spoken to unless you complement them. 9. Complement often, which makes you seem trustworthy. 10. Don't suck up too much. 11. When they give you a dirty look just look at someone you hate and give them one too, sometimes they laugh at that making yourself seem fun to be with. 12. When spoken to as a negative thing, just look away and laugh. If they do it again right after that, you have gone too far, lay low for a while. 13. Stay calm if they start talking to you about something you don't know. Just say you don't know if they ask you something and then ask them. Then go home and look into it. 14. If they talk about let's say a band you like, and they don't like it, just say you like them, if they disapprove then say OK, OK they are all right! 15. They roll their eyes a lot, deal with it. 16. DO NOT MAKE FUN OF THE PERSON THEY DO! Sometimes they make fun of a person, then protect them. Just laugh when they do. 17. If they ask if you like another prep, try judging their eyes or facial expressions. Sometimes they do this as a test, so be alert. Just say I dunno if you aren't sure if it's a test or not. Punk 1. To be one, you have to listen to the SAME music as them and dress the same. 2. Be prepared to be quizzed on bands. 3. Know at least 10 punk bands. 4. There are certain kinds of punks, some like emo, which is emotional music, and some don't. They can get very aggressive with this topic. 5. Act sharp and wise. 6. Don't hang around preps too much unless they are friends with a local punk. 7. Don't mess with the leader. 8. Punks are VERY SPECIFIC so again, be alert. 9. Some are actually very cruel. 10. Look into the local punk stores such as Hot Topic. 11. Buy and wear clothes from these stores. 12. Try to hang wit some punk people at first then talk about the other punk kids, they may introduce you to them. 13. Friends can be a very easy portal to being punk. 15. Own lots of chains and spikes. And red, black, pink, and blue. 16. Get a pair of Converse Sneakers they are about $40. 17. Write on your sneakers. The older they get, the cooler it looks. 18. DO NOT get too far into social contact such as pretend hitting, yet. 19. When made fun of, just say whatever. 20. Sometimes, approval sounds like a dis, so be alert. 21. BE TOTALLY CAUGHT UP ON BANDS! 22. Fat people usually take this route in life since all weights are excepted. Thug 1. Be a born fighter. 2. Act like your life is tough, like someone who lives on the streets. 3. Use lots of slang 4. Wear Ecko clothes. 5. Be a kind of Gangster 6. Hang with black people but don't get too far into their slang yet like homedawg and homies. 7. Act really tough. 8. You can hang with some preps, but only the ones you act like you. 9. Listen to rap, EMINEM is old to most of them. 10. See Gangster. Gangster 1. Like a Thug only less brutal. 2. Talks with the accent just like dis bro. The -S- is usually replaced by a -Z- in their language. 3. Use words like Babz Guyz Galz or Galiez. 4. Listen to rap and others, EMINEM is also old. 5. Wear Ecko. 6. Hangs with a lot of non-girly preps. 7. Some preps pretend to be this. 8. Speak when spoken to. 9. Laugh about fighting. 10. Laugh when they laugh. 11. Don't go against them, they can get brutal, as well as Thugs. 12. Usually skinny, as well as Thugs. Goth 1. Also known as Gothic. 2. Wears ALL BLACK. 3. Obsessed with the dead. 4. A loner, mostly. 5. Usually considered pale from lack of sun. 6. All weights are excepted. 7. Wears black clothes, black nailpolish, and uses black lipstick, even if a guy. 8. Some buy their clothes on the Internet and even in Hot Topic. 9. Some travel in large groups because the risk of being made fun of is large. 10. Stay quiet unless spoken to. (most don't speak) 11. Do not act peppy and annoying, you'll seem preppy. 12. Long capes and robes are usually worn. 13. Most like Manson. 14. Listen to Gothic Music because they understand "them." Normies 1. Easy to be one. 2. Any weight group. 3. Enjoy CPU games and acting hyper. 4. Watch cartoon shows like Family Guy and FutureRama. 5. Most shows they watch are found of cartoon network from Sunday-Thurday at about 11 PM. 6. Dress any way. 7. Smile whenever. 8. No need to suck up. 9. Don't be too annoying, 10. They don't like to hit each other as a form of games too much. 11. Some are very touchy. 12. Try giving them mints, I know a lot of them like them. 13. They may enjoy corny jokes but just laugh with them. 14. Make fun of each other, but not too harshly. 15. Call a guy a woman and a girl a man. They find it humorous 16. Stay updated on the newest games and episodes of the cartoons they watch, and shows too, Skater 1. Listen to Pop-Punk music before attempting to BE skater. 2. Skate and have an attitude (not a mean one just be like whatever a lot) 3. Examples of punk-pop music Simple Plan All-American Rejects. 4. No weight group. Most ARE skinny though because of skating. 5. Where Punky clothes and sometimes shredded 6. Hang Low...if somebody asks then mention you skate, then pause then say "So, yeah I am skater," (word will get around) 7. Some smile, but a lot just hang around. 8. Wear Converse shoes. 9. BUILD UP ON YOUR SKATEBOARDS! Some can be testy and call you a poser. They might ask you questions about boards. You have to be quick. 10. Listen to Skater Music while skating. 11. Skate in public areas ONLY when you've learned to skate right. Poser 1. Do nothing but copy what you want to be. 2. Annoy whom you want to be like. 3. Talk the lingo TOO much. 4. Not exactly a GOOD thing to be called. 5. Mostly an insult. 6. When called a poser go over these things again. 7. May mean that what you want to be...simply isn't you. Rocker 1. Punky and listens to rock music. 2. Have a sort of fun outgoing attitude. 3. Listen to rock music before attempting to be this. 4. Play or try to play guitar at least once. 5. A good radio station is Rat Rock. 6. They can be judgey but it's not a GREAT thing to be. 7. Dress with in shreds. 8. Sticks tongue out a lot in pictures. 9. Does that thing with their hands. 10. Sometimes surfs. 11. Do a lot of other things with hands

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last night joe asked about the first guy that i ever cared about...i told him a little bit, but not the whole story...it hurts to talk about it, but now that he brought it up, it is on my mind. the guy was a very beautiful person...i had just started to care for him when i met joe....but he had a girlfriend that he cared about...then i started to get feelings for joe....so then when joe asked me out, i said yes...then later on, everyone that the guy cares about starts to betray him, except for me...he admitted that he had feelings for me...but it was too late, i loved joe...so yeah...then the guy killed himself...that is most of what happened...joe promised that he would never do that to me...that he would never give up as long as i am here for him...i hope so...i don't think i could deal with it happening to me again

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I walk down an empty corridor Longing to have your hand in mine But you cannot see me I am just a ghost The person I once was Was swallowed by the darkness I am just an empty shell That wants to be something better And be somewhere far away I am lost wanting to love and hate At the same time I am in a maze that twists around Throughout my mind I am falling when I want to fly I am drowning in an ocean so Deep that no one can See the bottom I am confused This game that is supposed to be Beautiful only haunts me It won’t let me forget It won’t let me put the past behind me So here I am, an empty shell That loves you more Than anything else A ghost that is afraid that you Will hurt me A shadow that is terrified of Your love but you Are the one who is Slowly reviving me You are pushing all of the shadows Away from me So even if I am scared I am willing to give it A chance…

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Happy New Year everyone!!! hahahaha i was at han's house last night. everyone sorta got fucked up but me. my older brother came over and he was so fucking scary....eep...then at about 3 in the morning we went cruising with cody (one of my older brother's friends). han has a new luvbert hahahaha it is mai, the girl that i "adopted". mai scares me...she thinks that i am fucking hot...ummm...she said that she was gonna steal me away and show me what it was like to be with another girl...grrrrrrrrrrr joe gave her permission to have hot lesbosex with me!!! he ummm...needs to die!! hehehehe i have been fucking with people's heads a lot lately. too many guys are hitting on me on the net...i have a boyfriend and i don't understand why they fucking want me in the first place!!! the want me to get on cam and flash them and stuff...i won't even do that for my bf...i am just not that way...hahahaha one guy i really confused. i convinced him that i was a guy who likes to dress up like a girl...but then he wanted to see my cock so it was bye bye to him. i told another guy that i have a masturbation problem and i love to use bananas. i think it made him horny...fucking pervert. oh and i told some other guy that i was gonna staple his balls to his bellybutton if they could reach that far...maybe i am not nice, but the perverts only call it upon themselves. i am soooooo bored right now...i think i am gonna stop typing now and talk to my boyfriend.

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