No matter what you tell us we will rise,Rachel and i have our truth and you can call us stupid and hypocrite and just because im a christian doesn't mean i wont kick you a$$ if you knowingly try to piss me off, see im a weird christian, i still love you when you completly try to destroy my soul or smash my beliefs with your newly looked up dictionary when you kick me i wont stay down. God has sent Rachel and i through many trials and we have overcome them and become stronger Ive been through so much crap with razors and mental disease and drugs your words wont crush me emotionally ill just punch you its called tough love. I have atheist friends who are COMPLETELY supportive of my beliefs i have satanist friends this is the end for my rant at the moment lol

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We are going to church today i hope its epic so i can do what i love again, but what if kelly waits along time before he is saved? There is times of tiredness and hatred, Does anybody listen to hatebreed? they are a nice band lolol, but besides that i wonder what will happen tonight? a lot of teenage anguish people crying and maby just maby the demons will go rest finally, Ive been struggling through this for s long time now...
Ever feel like there is someone else living inside you? They control you, and all you can do is watch in horror this person isnt you why do they control you ever think that? Or maby im just pretty crazy not in realization of what maby my mind has created for me to think, sometimes it hurts because i feel it move beneath my skin and it wants to get out and destroy everything i have ever built up in my life, As I Lay Dying has a song called "Morning Waits" there is a line that resembles my realtionship with god (as i lay dying is a christian band btw) but it says, "What i have to give does not matter,if what i give is all to you" i wish i could give Jesus my life, no more time on this earth just for him to take me take me away from this place, I used to scream in prayers for jesus not to leave me because i would only feel him for a moment and i would try to keep ahold of him at SWC i did this i clung to the cross and only about 5 others were with me also crying out so was rachel behind me and even brianna was praying shes a HXC Wicca or something, but it worked i wish i could harness what jesus was made of and keep it in my heart, but i cant and i will fall to the ground sobbing because of it, There is blood on the tracks and i hope it wont be ours.
It could be like infinity though that raging system that flows through your body when your sick with over emotion.I wouldnt describe in a way i wouldnt understand and sometimes i think i soeak a different language i think rachel and i are the only ones who can translate it, that maby God sends messages through us through the leaves and the trees or the nerves and veins we have, that sometimes those words become toxic if we ignore them and they infect us like a disease and our blood becomes black and we taint with what we call hell. Serious deciples were killed and i would gladly die for him, i couldnt come upon the answer if i could live for him.
Its a funny decision.

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Im going to church with Rachel soon it will be pretty epic, then we are eating orange chicken for the first time since our fast, and then we are going to my house and getting dressed as grunge hXc homless people and walking down roads downtown with signs that read "Keep your coins i want CHANGE" so it will work pretty well and people will probably explode at us it will be quite funny.

Then we are going to McDonalds with this crazzy black woman who screams about boys and girls and powermeals, and whatever she is like a black version of my sister lolol we will hecka lol in her face.

Crazzy crazzzy stuff today and at the end of the day we will probably die.

I will post after bye

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George is always trying to seem better then us through either self injury,drugs,intelligence or anything dude he is so retarded. Its this whole thing to when we say anything she has to prove it wrong even if she knows were right. he always fails though, i hope tomorrow goes well im going to church with Rachels parents and her tomorrow its hecka early ill probably die or something lol,George might hang out.
If im a danger to myself just think what i could do to you (otep)
JFC why is he so stupid i just wanna fucking smash him. I will destroy him mentally with Rachel help lol.

Everyone is the World is out to get everyone else
its like a disease, through all these self proclaimed horrors.
We could rise to be someone else
but loose ourselves just like everyone else?
Cant anyone else see the filth it never goes away, its always sitting their waiting to get noticed, just like us, nobody cares who we are only God whom people stick to destroy his belivers and curse him, there is so much shit here, we shouldnt live as a race anylonger we are all living like mice because the way we are formed in a city we cant possibly be warriors? We all have this idea on perfection, such as anorexia,those girls are so beautiful i wish they could see. Self mutilation is beautiful too (not to trigger)destroying and then building back our bodies the way we seem fit, how could it be like that?

WE are in a warhead.
We need to fight out

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AWWW this fast is hecka being painful its getting on my nerves but i remain strong!
lol i cant wait till this Sunday Rachel and i are going to a Chinese food place and eat orange chicken it will be great because its the best food in the world, lol, then we might go downtown and eat at the McDonald with the crazy black woman who screams about power meals to everyone in the world. Today is church day as well we are going to hang out with George maby and hecka destroy his life seriously he is such a douche i just want smack him in his face so we are ignoring him lol, jfc im so hungry bacon cheese burger bacon cheeseburger oh my god i want one of those so bad, yaaay only 3 days left so its all good but yhea my stomach at least isnt growling in front of my dyslexic shoe lace.
yhea, so that's it i hope church goes well.

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Jesus Christ this fast is hecka painful
its only day 2!
I ate a cracker and started mumbling about how fat i was going to be
if i ate another one.
Ive been having these weird bolts though its like my body will convulse but i wont
physically move, its hecka creepy,
Rachel is loosing her hair i hope this dos'nt end disastrous
usually our brilliant ideas are never fulfilled and maby this will be the
chain to a new beginning hmm?
but its hurting like it does and then it dosnt after tomorrow we should be
fine because supposedly the pain is supposed to magically disappear.
Ajhfgfs i hope this dosnt end in failure.


We are marching with a cause
Destroy the chains and save the lost
Not abandoned not alone
Holy spirit take control...

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