Hi nutang,

Again, I'm back. This must be getting old for you guys. But I hope to be back for way longer.

Today, Chris and I were talking about my hobbies. Or actually, the lack thereof. On my days off I tend to lay around going from social media app to social media app while Friends, Bob's Burgers, The Office, or Family guy run in the background. Same cycle: instagram->facebook->snapchat->twitter->pinterest. I find myself scrolling through the same mindless things over and over again, and can go this for 3 to 4 hours at a time. All that time scrolling, I also am thinking "gee, I'm bored. Maybe there is something new on _____". And of course, there isn't.

Don't get me wrong, I like going through these apps. It is a hobby in a sense. I like looking at the recipes and reposting them on Facebook in hopes of making it one day (of course, I never do). I like looking through my friend's pictures and posting congratulations/happy birthday on their pics. But it all just feels mundane and shallow. I don't feel fulfilled.

So where am I getting at? I am trying to remember what hobbies I had in high school. I'm trying to remember the things I loved doing and things that make me feel productive. Honestly, my most favorite hobby was web design and blogging. I don't think I would be very good (especially in todays technology), but I remember spending countless hours on photoshop designing graphics in order to put together xanga and myspace layouts. Oh god, I must sound old lol. But I hope to start back into my old hobbies.

I don't know yet what my overall goal is, but I know that it's either to start making layout designs for others, or maybe making my own website. But what would my website be about? Maybe my struggle with body positivity and weight loss? My new diet plans that I keep trying? I am NOT good at making recipes, but I could possibly do that?

Anyways, I am back. And I hope to share my progress with you guys. If I don't start my own website anytime soon, at least I know I can come here and continue with my other hobby: blogging and reading blogs.

Thanks for always being here nutang. Please stay forever<3.

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Hey guys, it�s daneva. And for the last 5 years, I was in a relationship with someone I loved.

I am newly single now though, because I found out he was cheating on me for 3 months. It was never actually physical. He went on a gamer chatting website/app and flirted with about 50+ girls. Now, many people are seething reading this. The instant thought it �oh man he�s scum, I can�t believe someone would do that! How disgusting!�

Believe me, that is part of how I still feel right now. But what I really feel is this out in my stomach that I can�t fill. I can�t believe the person I loved for 5 years, the person I trusted with every part of me, could do this to me. He told me though, that it had nothing to do with me, and that I was not inadequate by any means. He told me it was because of his own inadequacy and unhappiness, that he turned to all these people online for validation.

Still, even with his explanation, and my understanding of who he is, I can�t get over this. He wants me back, and I know he loves me unconditionally...but I can�t love unconditionally.

I miss him. I miss being able to tell him about my day. I miss the validation he would give me when I was angry or upset about something. I miss how supportive he was in all aspects of my life. But I don�t want to be with him anymore. I can�t get over this. I forgive him as my nest friend, but I can�t forgive him as a boyfriend.

Recently I started talking to this guy. He seems nice, but also very, VERY different from my ex. I can�t help but judge him negatively because he doesn�t respond the same way as my ex would. But isn�t that rude of me to do? Maybe I�m reading him wrong because he doesn�t validate my opinions as much as I�m used to? Or am I just settling? I don�t understand dating or trying to know people anymore lol. I just know it�s too soon to jump into another relationship, and it�s way too soon to know what I want. I want to date and figure out what I want.

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