what Does self compassion look like?

I’ve struggled with self love all my life. I tend to put others before me, I forget about my own needs, and a lot of the times my cup runs on empty giving to others when I need to nurture myself. I have a hard time forgiving myself when I feel I did something wrong. Guilt has been with me at times where I know he didn’t need to be present. Maybe it’s my childhood, or maybe it’s the people pleasing side of me. I don’t know what caused it, but I want to fix it.

I think self love and self compassion are both things I have lacked in all my life. This morning, the first thought that even came to my mind was negative. “Oh, you messed up on your diet last night, you failed.” I caught myself, realizing even my first thought will impact the rest of my day today, if I let that idea become the main focus of today. If I continue to tell myself I’m a failure throughout the day, what would that look like? Frustration. Anger. Sadness. Probably lashing out on family because on the inside, I feel like a failure.

So this morning, I took time to talk to myself. I had my mind and my body speak to eachother (as lame as all this sounds, I guess it was my form of meditation). I had my body speak first. It told my mind “I forgive you” and “thank you” for doing my best to take care of it. This body has transformed in so many ways. Weight loss, weight gain, dry skin, to healthy skin, stretch marks, cellulite, and even lack of cellulite at times. My body transforms in different ways, and it also carries me throughout all my life’s journey. It’s me, and it’s beautiful, and it will forever be changing.I asked what my body wants from me. And it isn’t to starve to makeup for yesterday. My body simply said listen. “Listen when I’m full. Listen when I’m hungry. Listen when you need to rest. And listen when I can continue to keep going. Listen to what makes me happy, listen to what makes me feel unhealthy. Just listen”

My mind, forgave itself. It’s a continuing struggle, but I forgive myself. I thank my body for carrying my mind. I thank my mind for fighting through life’s challenges. I thank my mind for having self compassion this morning.

My mantra this year, is to be the best me I can possibly be. That version I envision of myself, that’s who I truly am. That’s the goal I strive to live for. How do you become the best you that you can possibly be? By loving the living shit out of yourself. And to also know that guilt doesn’t have to be your best friend. Instead, forgive and love yourself as you do with those you care about. Love you despite your mistakes. Forgive those mistakes, and move on with your life. And when guilt creeps it’s ugly head in times where it should not be present, simply listen to that still small voice that says “I forgive you.”

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I’m very content with my life right now and how it’s going.

I feel like everyday, I’m closer to being the person I’ve always wanted to be. I think it’s mostly because I continue to put my needs first before other people.

It sounds selfish, but it’s not. You can’t pour out of empty cup. And even if you do pour out of it, you feel depleted. Self care is so important.

I’m 28 years old now. I feel like a late bloomer in life. Like, I am finally learning who I am now. I’m getting more comfortable in my skin. I’m letting friendships and relationships go that don’t build me up as a person. I’m surrounding myself with lovely people. I’m eating healthier in general, running again, and going to hip hop class as much as possible. I also bought a book to read about the Paleo diet and see if that’s a good fit for my lifestyle.

I’m still partying though lol, don’t know when or if I will ever give that up haha.

I’m just happy, and it feels good. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days. But I choose to make them better. I’m a much better nurse these days because I am choosing myself, and giving to myself. I also have a crush on someone, but I’m choosing to let that go for my own sake, and for my own growth.

I’m happy, because I’m happy with who I am now, and who I am becoming.

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