I feel like I am the master of cling right about now.
Which is funny, because I hate when people are clingy >.>

But it is a fact at the moment. I am being a clingy monster, desiring more than what I should. I over think things way too much, and I over react over simple actions. I hate that this is what I have become. Or well, that I am letting that part of me out.

I wish I wasn't so vulnerable, and I wish I didn't open myself up as much as I have. I know that this will end in complete failure. But I know at the end of the day, that it's okay if it ends in complete failure. Because deep down, I have two voices.

1. You deserve better.
2. You aren't good enough.

And these two voices tell me two different things. But I know the first is 100% true, and the second, is my insecurities tearing me apart. I liked to be liked, and if I don't feel liked, I think I am not good enough. But contrary to that though, I am good enough. So "good" enough, that I deserve to not settle for this. I have to remember this, and not blow things out of proportion.

I want to keep you around for fun, but I don't want to fall deeper into this mess. Let's hope I find the balance.

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*for all of you readers, sorry if I sound bitter and mean! But this really is how I feel. Comment if you like, I won't scream at you lol.

I know that when a person begins/is in a romantic relationship, their significant other always comes first. I understand simply, that you want to spend all of your days with that person before leaving for three months. But the problem? You didn't even have time for your so called "best friends" before you left. Both of us didn't have a chance to have a last hoorah with you, and both of us didn't say goodbye.

I mean, it is my fault partially, for not saying goodbye. I wanted to atleast send you a text before you left, but I actually forgot today was the day you were leaving :P. In any case, that probably shows how much we have drifted apart anyways. I get why we would drift, but I don't get how you could just leave without saying goodbye to our, no my best friend. Supposedly you guys are close, and you hold her dear to your heart. If any of us are dear to your heart, then why did you flake when we decided to hang out one last time? Oh yeah, because your boyfriend showed up and BAM, you forget you have friends.

But then again, why should I care? You've always done this. Even before, you told me your old best friend would complain about you spending so much time with your ex. Obviously, she was right, and you were wrong.

So I guess I just gotta let it go. You are not a best friend. Finally, I said it. Best friends have at least an ounce of your time. But it goes both ways. You are not my best friend because you don't put time into our friendship, and I am not your best friend because I don't mean enough to you to say goodbye to.

So ode to friendship, where we will at least be okay friends, maybe even good friends. But honey, you never deserve the title from anyone, to be a best friend. Oh nevermind, if it's a guy, you sure will have a best friend there!

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that sounded really really mean. But it doesn't matter, because she would never care enough about her friends to even spend time on reading their blogs. So, I am ok :)

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