I remember when I first met him, there was a constant sadness that overtook him. He could be right next to me talking, or even be silent, and I could feel the sadness emanating from inside of him. I've never met anyone with that deep sadness. As I dug deeper to find out who he is, I found the reason he was hurting. All this time, it was you. Now, I still don't know the whole story, especially because I don't know you or your side, but I do know this: whatever happened left him broken, confused and lost. You were his everything at one point when he felt he had nothing else going for him. And the moment it was torn away in a sudden and swift way, it left him shaken up. As his heart mourned the loss of you as he met me, I couldn't help but feel insecure about myself. Am I inadequate compared to his ex? I would ask myself constantly. As time when on, Chris and I's love bloomed. Chris became less cynical, less bitter, and started to have hope in life again. He became my best friend, my rock, and my supporter. Just as I became that for him. His smiles became genuine, his cold eyes became soft. His hugs became warmer, and I started to feel that I started to fit perfectly in his arms. It took time, but he finally got over everything that happened. As time went on, he forgave you. now I know deep down in his heart you will always have a special place. He will always have this constant love for you, and I can't stop that from happening. However, I know that I am at the forefront in his life and heart right now. Many people know how to tear others down easily, but it takes a strong and loving person to stick around long enough to pick someone up out of their struggles. I was that for him. I want you to know that he's happy now. And I also want to say thank you. You're the reason he pursued an education. And now, he's starting UC Berkeley in January. Thank you for pushing him when you guys were together to be better. At the time, he went to school for you, but now he has found the courage and strength to finish for himself. He is able to love again, and I don't feel insecure or inadequate up against you anymore. I realized now that time truly does heal wounds. I also know that he wishes you the best, and that you helped him grow into who he is now. I also, do wish you the best as well. Now, I don't know 100% that Chris and I will end up together, but I do know that if we ever do, our marriage would be filled with constant love, bickering, laughs, and forgiveness for the rest of our lives. I needed to write this to remind myself how life takes turns and changes constantly. Looking back, I realize that what Chris and I went through will only be a living testimony of the struggle of true love. we'll keep pushing and thriving for each other. I hope you do as well with your family.

Sincerely,
his new love.

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Today, I decided to tell my parents I am moving out of the house.

Let's start by filling all of you in on what's been going on recently. I am now 24 years old, and moved back home with my parents for a whole year after graduating and getting a registered nursing job. About a month ago, my parents insisted my boyfriend move into our home, as to have another male in the home, and also because my dad worried constantly about me driving an hour and thirty minutes out to his apartment filled with other guys. (My dad asked him about five times, never the other way around). So He traded his payment for an apartment for a new car and moved in. As a sign of a new beginning, we went shopping for a new bed frame, desk, and even painted our bedroom wall the light blue i wanted :).

But, the tide took its turn for the worst. My mom started having rages constantly (she has this from time to time anyways, but it worsened when my bf moved in). The traditional side of her came out, and she would always say that my boyfriend living here is a sin, that it's wrong he moved in here, because a MAN moved into a WOMANS house, not the other away around. In her rage, she would say "he's only using you for your money" and make flat out false statements such as "YOU ARE PAYING FOR HIS CAR AND HIS EXPENSES."

As a month of this bickering, yelling, and constant finger pointing went toward me, I asked my boyfriend to come with ME to go looking for apartments. He politely asked me if this was my choice, and not because of him. And although of course many of the issues have arose because he moved in, I can firmly say this was my choice, and I was tired of bickering. This whole year was filled with it, but this time, I have someone to move away with. I can feel comfortable getting a place, and not being alone (this sounds pretty lame, but I tried living alone once, and I went absolutely crazy).

So I told them today that I have found an apartment, and I am actually able to move in on Friday. It's still in the same town, a six month lease only, and I told them I would come visit once a week. I also wanted them to be a part of the move in process. My father was calm and collected, but begged for me to stay here, because it's financially smarter. My mother on the other hand, used the word "no" about 200 times in twenty minutes, blamed my "brainwashed thinking" on my boyfriend, told me he would leave me in three years because he is indeed just using me, and that I should forget she ever existed if I move out of here.

Of course, I am just like my mother. Our temperament isn't the world's greatest, and indeed we say hurtful things when we are angry. I know that my mother is more hurt than anything else, and just is afraid of being left alone in this house of ours. My father is only worried about me. However, my father doesn't seem to care about my mother's fear of abandonment. (Which is probably why she is so hurt that I am leaving). I can only imagine an ounce of the pain my mother is feeling right now. Regardless, I know it is the right decision to leave. So I stood my ground despite my mother yelling, told them that I am moving out, and no matter what I will always reach out even if she decides not to.

So here is to me, a new beginning. An apartment to call home. I believe in my mother, and feel she will come around sometime. Maybe not now, but soon. The leave will be sad, but I feel there is a bright future coming soon.

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