I find myself sometimes feeling lonely or incomplete. When I feel this way, I tend to wish my partner gave me more. I feel disconnected from them. But I realize now, that when I feel this lonliness...it really isn't a connection with them that I am missing. It truly is a disconnection from myself. It's a sign that I have been neglecting myself and my happiness.

I am glad I realized this about myself. Now, I can focus on how to care for myself, and ways to make myself happy. I am glad that now that I am older, I realize these things about myself. I can take control of my own life and choices, and make myself better.

So what do I plan to do in order to work on my self care again? I want to go back to dance class! I miss it soo sooo SOOO much. I love dancing. I love what it brings out of me, and I love what it does for my soul. It's time to go back to hip hop dance class. It's also time to explore other dance studios.

I also want to find a new gym or find a one on one trainer. Lifting weights is badass, but injuring yourself is not. Sometimes I think that gym I go to is way too focused on group workouts, that form is sacrificed. No one really tells me I am lifting wrong. What if I am, but the trainers don't notice because there are 20 other people exercising with me too? I want to find a really good trainer that can help me build muscle again. I am not sure when I am going to start this, but I do plan to get better at working out while protecting myself. My old trainer in Stockton was an amazing trainer, and I miss him. If only he lived in Sacramento, I would love to work with him again.

Anyways, these aren't new years resolutions. These are just...reminders for myself. A reminder that only I can change my life and bring myself ultimate happiness.

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Hey nutang, it has been a pretty long time since I updated you guys on my life. I know I disappear on this blog here and there, but I promise I am forever faithful to you guys, scouts honor!

I haven't blogged in so long, I feel like I forgot how to lol. Man, where do I start?

So many of you do not know this, but I finally graduated nursing school, and have my license as a registered nurse. I now have an awesome job at a local hospital, working for the float pool :). If you guys don't know what that is, it basically means I will be working on every unit of the hospital whenever they need me. I love this opportunity because I will be able to see how every unit works, and then apply for a position that I want whenever a spot opens up. For training though, my boss has us newbies orient three-five weeks in each unit, depending on the patient acuity and workload.

I love my job because I am orienting to postpartum: where I take care of moms that just delivered their newborn babies. I know most people thing newborns look like aliens, (and they do), but I find them extremely cute! I used to find newborns pretty weird looking, but there has not been one newborn in the hospital that I have found ugly. However, that may just be due to me being so passionate and excited to have a nursing job that the stars in my eyes get in the way of seeing the newborn's actual face. It could be more than that though; like how I feel absolutely heroic when I hear a piercing cry coming from a crib from afar. I rush over and hold this cone-shaped headed baby to save it from feeling cold and lonely. When I heard angelic silence, and hold this warm child, I know I have done my job of saving another victim from sadness. Many tell me that I have a motherly nature to myself, but maybe it's just a savior complex...

Anyways, other than work, my life consists of praying for my paycheck to come in, driving my new car around while making sure I don't crash into things (because I suck at driving), and spending time with friends and family. I am no longer in a relationship, but he still is my absolute best friend (ahem, that will probably be talked about in another blog). He now joined nutang! randomrhetoric (link in my module) is an awesome blogger, and I am sure his eloquence will sweep all of you off of your computer chairs :). I'm now dating here and there as well, which is something I am not used to at all. It has been fun so far, to be very honest. But let's be real, I am not the type to be good at dating around at all. I have no game what so ever. Oh well, we'll see how this goes for me. I may quit if it gets too exhausting :P.

So that is my life. I felt that I needed to update you all on everything that has been going on for any of you to understand my blogs that are coming up. I have a feeling I'll be around nutang a lot again :). Let's hope that's true!

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