the shitfest continues.
maybe god really does dislike a pottymouth.
maybe fates decided i need just a little more toughening up.
maybe im just a loser? ya thats it...

i quit vs today. that was the least of my troubles.
my sales sucked today.
i didnt get approved for financing on my camera, so even if i can afford film to shoot for the next couple weeks god knows when ill be able to get it processed...let alone all the jobs i STILL cant take because everyone wants digital, and the waste of goddamned time and money...nevermind...ill just shoot this one til it dies or i cant afford it anymore and then fuck it...it shouldnt be this hard...
theres more, but its really pointless....

anyone with credit wanna cosign me?

im goin to bed soon so i can forget today existed...

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Last nights shoot with Lauren was really fun. We got some really nice shots...I promise I'll actually post some soon.

My only problem is that lately I've noticed a huge drop in my cognitive control. My short term memory(what my Dr used to call my 5 second fritz) is shot, and forget concentration. We could've gotten a lot more shots, a lot more variety, and a lot quicker had my brain been on full function. I hope this isn't the start of another deterioration. This really would be one of the worst times imaginable. With my job situation, my photography, starting writing again...I can't let it drop now. Meh.

Today Lauren's coming to get me, and we're taking Mowgli to see Santa at PetSmart. Most of the proceeds go to local animal rescue, so we're taking him there rather than to the mall. We took Dancer once, but she was a pretty mellow dog and easy to hold if she got too excited. I have NO idea what to expect with Mowgli. Hah. After that I think we're going to try to go see Chris' grandparents...again. If that doesn't work, maybe a movie.

For now, however...my stinky butt needs a shower.

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my grandfather gave me $1,000 so I could pay bills and still get christmas presents for people this year. I figured I'd use it to clear out a few of my lower owing credit cards. BUT with the recent happenings with our rent, the past due to cable because chad hasnt been giving us anything, and chris' phone usage charges, it's justa bout gone...so fuck it. i give up.

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Today was really slow at work. The highlight of my day was hearing two 3yr olds calling eachother "scurvey pirate"! Against my wallet's better judgment, I picked up the rest of my pictures fromt he other day. They're not bad...but my lighting is terrible. I really need to invest in some real lights. *sigh* but I've got so many bills to pay first...anyone wanna buy some framed prints? unframed? belly button lint? I feel so frustrated that my work could be of such higher calibur if I could afford it.

So thar's been my day. Waitin for Chris to get home. Apparently he's had a crappy day too, so maybe he'll let me cuddle for a little while before he jumps into his work. Maybe. I could really use it right now...

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so im trying my hardest to figure out how we're getting to taras wedding on the 5th... anyone wanna help us get to reading and back? chris isnt confident our car will make it without dying. *sigh* maybe i shouldnt have agreed to be her maid of honour...i shouldve known id just let her down.

we're also trying to figure out this pictures thing...heh it really shouldnt be this difficult...maybe im pushing. i dunno.

i just want things to work out...
i have chicago figured out as long as i can get my effin passes from erich!
2 weeks til i can reapply...
so much goin on i can hardly feel my toes...
and i think my model cancelled on me this weekend....
i had some good ideas too :(

then how to pay for everything...birthday, wedding presents...bills...pay day never comes soon enough...what the hell am i gonna do? i need to find more stuff to sell....or im gonna end up deeper in the hole...

picked up a couple extra hours today, workin long hours tomorrow..never seems to be enough no matter how much i work...
now to figure out how were pullin rent AND electric bill tomorrow.... chris doesnt seem worried...guess im stressed enough for the both of us...
someone shoot me?

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