the shitfest continues.
maybe god really does dislike a pottymouth.
maybe fates decided i need just a little more toughening up.
maybe im just a loser? ya thats it...

i quit vs today. that was the least of my troubles.
my sales sucked today.
i didnt get approved for financing on my camera, so even if i can afford film to shoot for the next couple weeks god knows when ill be able to get it processed...let alone all the jobs i STILL cant take because everyone wants digital, and the waste of goddamned time and money...nevermind...ill just shoot this one til it dies or i cant afford it anymore and then fuck it...it shouldnt be this hard...
theres more, but its really pointless....

anyone with credit wanna cosign me?

im goin to bed soon so i can forget today existed...

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so im trying my hardest to figure out how we're getting to taras wedding on the 5th... anyone wanna help us get to reading and back? chris isnt confident our car will make it without dying. *sigh* maybe i shouldnt have agreed to be her maid of honour...i shouldve known id just let her down.

we're also trying to figure out this pictures thing...heh it really shouldnt be this difficult...maybe im pushing. i dunno.

i just want things to work out...
i have chicago figured out as long as i can get my effin passes from erich!
2 weeks til i can reapply...
so much goin on i can hardly feel my toes...
and i think my model cancelled on me this weekend....
i had some good ideas too :(

then how to pay for everything...birthday, wedding presents...bills...pay day never comes soon enough...what the hell am i gonna do? i need to find more stuff to sell....or im gonna end up deeper in the hole...

picked up a couple extra hours today, workin long hours tomorrow..never seems to be enough no matter how much i work...
now to figure out how were pullin rent AND electric bill tomorrow.... chris doesnt seem worried...guess im stressed enough for the both of us...
someone shoot me?

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Fencing last night was great once I actually got to play. I notice they engage Ryan more. I don't want to say it's because he's male. More likely it's because he's more vocal and pestering. In any case, I felt ignored for the first half of the night. I stayed close by absorbing as much as I could, but there's only so much point control practice you can do before I start to feel like the retarded kid in the corner. Once I did finally get to play it was a rough start, but I noticed a slight improvement by the time we were done. I need gear that fits though. Colin says I've got "promise". That makes me feel really good, since I wasn't even sure anyone was paying attention. Merrick says he can see the "fencer inside trying to get out." He seemed a bit nervous when I told him we'd tried that but it kept eating the other kids. hah.

Anywho, so that's about it. Picking up a few hours at the diner Chris and Chad work at. I'm down to only a few dollars for myself...and dammit I was supposed to do my taxes today, but I had to escort Ryan's laptop to ITT because he left it at home. Gah! This was supposed to be my full day to get shit done! Where did it go!?!

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