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If only I had wings . . . by invisible @ NuTang.com
Strange feelings
Sunday. 9.26.10 7:27 am
I'm sure my mother finds her way to this and reads it.. but whatever. Hi Mom!!!!!
She's being reading this thing since I was in middle school.

Anyway... I have been going through some crazy physical changes. Some things I'm going to talk about might gross you out, keep that in mind.

I havn't felt right lately. Funny thing is I'm having a lot of symptoms that would point directly at pregnancy. Although I have PCOS and Endometriosis, God has proven I can still have children. These syndroms also cause me to have irregular monthly cycles. What could be considered "normal" is a 7-9 day cycle. They can be two weeks apart or two months apart. But, last month it was about 14 days, and this month is was about 5 days on and off. On and off is more irregular than usual

My appetite has increased, I've been burping randomly for no reason, and overall I feel weird. Kinda like that uneasy feeling you get before you start getting sick. I pretty much feeling that was almost all the time. I've been peeing atleast twice an hour and getting headaches. I'm pretty much a mess right now.

Are you ready for the catch??? I'm dropping weight very quickly. atleast a pound a day. And although I am eating more than I usually would, I am getting dizzy, temorarily losing my sight, and blacking out more than what is normal for me. It worries me with KB because I don't want to pick her up and fall over or put her at risk of getting injured. I am taking a little more caution than I usually do with her.

Idk.. whatever. I'm always a medical mess.

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Damn you Disney World
Saturday. 9.25.10 8:04 am
Got all of my info in for my new social. It won't come in the mail for two weeks.. but, the lady printed me out a peice of paper that acts as a temorary social. SO... im going to go to the DMV Tuesday or Wednesday and get my license :)

Tyler's ring came in! He picked it up from Kay jewelers yesterday evening. He really like it :)

My mom is doing what she does best.. driving me insane. She had the nerve to say "If Tylers making all this money now that you're married, it should be no problem for him to budget out $100 to give me." Excuse me??!? I understand that I owe my mom and others money because of my baby-daddy situation and my Jeep, but I am NOT going to make my husband pay for that. I was completely appauled she would even say that. All she cares about is money.

Disney called me yesterday offering me a seater position at a resturaunt. THANKS! Now that I'm going to be visiting Tyler soon they call me. And it's not just some bs resturaunt... it's a top of the line, high end place in Hoolywood Studios. >.< I hate to turn it down. But, a tiny paycheck that I will not benefit from is not worth not seeing Tyler. I would only be making like $100 a week.

My mom and I went shopping yesterday and I got some jeans. Tell me how I'm a size 5 now!! Before I had KB I was a size 7. I weighed myself a Publix this morning and I'm down to 135lb. I weight 150lb. before I had my little girl. Apparently having a baby makes me lose weight lol. My womans mom the other day even asked me if I was losing more weight. Idk if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I don't look anorexic thin. but being 6tf tall 135lb. doesn't sound right. When I visit Tyler I'm gonna start working out. I need to gain some muscle!

Tyler told me last night he has a way of getting me a job that has a very flexible schedule. The owners are really tight with Tye. I have met them and, they're really cool. So, if I can get KB in the daycare on base I could have a steady job :)

Well have to see...

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It's amazing
Thursday. 9.23.10 8:50 pm
...how I fall in love with him more and more every day

-Nothing went according to plan today-

I can't get my license untill I get my social changed...

Found out I have to drive out to Orlando to get my social changed.

I'm pretty much home bound and can only visit Tyler for now.

I miss my husband.. ugh

My mom and I are going to drive to the social security place tomorrow. It should only be a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic. I found out I can get a temorary card (a piece of paper) to get my license. So, I don't have to wait the two weeks for the new card to come in the mail.

Things will come together eventually :)

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Changing stuff
Wednesday. 9.22.10 2:26 pm
Lots to do tomorrow.

Getting a new drivers license to start. :) I think being married will sink in a little more once I get my new name on everything. While I'm getting my lisence, my mother is going to have my jeep transfered into my name. That way it'll be off they're hands for good. As far as my SS#, I guess we'll have to do that another day.

Later tomorrow morning, I have a consultation with a lawyer. My father and I are going to ask questions about how do get things started for the move up to Eglin. Stuff like how I should approach the court, and how long this process may take. Hell, maybe they'll tell us to have the injunction dropped. We won't know untill tomorrow.

Thursday my woman and I are going to make another attempt to be apart of a womens church group. Last Thursday we could not find the house it was located at. We drove around for 2 hours aimlessly looking for this place. We eventually said F IT and went to Mc Donalds lol. Every week the group is located at a different house, so hopefully this week it'll be in a place easier to find.

Last night was GLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazingness :) I don't really like how they've made Rachel even more of a egotistical bitch. Her character has become overwhelmeing. Sue is still evil and awsome. I was disappointed Emma didn't make an apperance.

Omg am I really discussing this??? lol Wow. Only Glee can turn me into a little school girl :D

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Tuesday. 9.21.10 9:15 am
Friday I officially became Brittney Edge. It hasn't really sunk in yet. It's almost like nothing has really changed. I don't love him any more or less than I did Thursday. Now it's just official :) I love him so much.

We have an amazing apartment. It's spacious and the layout is awsome. The balcony is over looking the pool, a washer and dryer is included in the apartment, the 2 bedroom layout we picked includes water bill. They had like 6 different floorplans to choose from for a 2 bedroom apartment, and some included certain bills and some didn't. idk how that works but whatever. My only dislike, you have to walk into someones room to get to the bathroom... and that's it. Not a lot to bitch about lol

Khloe is fussing. I'll update later

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Now I know...
Tuesday. 9.14.10 12:33 pm
I found something out yesterday that is eating me away. I lost sleep over it last night. But why? I don't care about him anymore and I've moved on. But.. how could he do that to me?

I suspected it. and new something was going on.. but I let it go. There was this girl that use to come over and hang out back when I lived in South Carolina. She had the reputaion of being a whore. She was a young highschool student and kind of on the chunky side. When rumors flew I denied it and didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't do that to me.

Less than a couple of months before Khloe was born Baby-daddy was cheating on me. Why would he stoop so low? After everything I did for him. I gave him the world. Anything he wanted he got. I did what it took to make him happy. And he was fucking a 17 year old whore while I was at work. Working 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. Working long and agonizing shifts to support him. To try and make him happy. It was all a joke to him! He bragged about it and was proud that he was cheating on me. Not to mention he got her pregnant but she miscarried (supposedly). He never really cared.. I atleast thought through the anger he cared about me a little bit. But I was wrong. This was all a joke to him. He never cared about Khloe or me. It kills me to think I was blind about it all. How many girls were there? I'll never know...

I don't understand why I've taken this to heart so strongly. I've moved on and have a happy life ahead of me... but this won't leave my mind. I keep thinking how could he do this to me? Why did everyone hide this from me. Even his family knew and hid it from me. I've never been treated with so much disrespect and lied to so much.

He never cared... All along our relationship and Khloe was just one big joke to him...

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:( - :) - :D
Sunday. 9.12.10 8:59 am
Yesterday was baby-daddy's visit. The first one went ok. KB seemed fine. They told me she slept. The second one not so much. The lady that brought her to me tried to cover up the fact that she had been crying by telling me she just woke up. Her eyes were bright red and filled with tears. Her nose was running into her mouth. It was awful :( I called the lady out on it and she didn't really know what to say. KB just looked up at me with her little eyes wide open and depressed. The look on her face said it all. I felt like I abandoned her. I hate seeing her like that... Even when I got home she clung to me and didn't want me to let her go. She was silent, and not herself at all. I know they're not beating her in these visitations or something crazy, but I can tell she's not happy with it.

Today my woman is getting baptized!!!!!!! I'm so excited for her. It's a big step in faith. I know she'll stay strong in her faith and grow closer to God.

My mom and mom-in-law went out shopping yesterday. My mom got this badass wall tatoo that says "Music is the soundtrack of my life" Love it :D. My mom-in-law called me late last night after I had gone to bed. She left me a message saying she had gotten Tye and I a few things for the apartment. :) I'm so excited. Next Saturday when I'm up in Eglin Tye is taking me to the apartments to check them out. So far everything is coming together. However, I'm not in the clear yet. There's still much to do on my end...

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My mind won't go to sleep...
Saturday. 9.11.10 3:13 am
KB is wide awake... and now so I am.

I am dreading the sun rise. Today Khloes father has a visitation. It'll be the first one he's attending. He did have a hour visitation at the court house (His family was with him on this one event. The rest of the visitations are "father only") the day the injunction was granted... and all I know is when I came to pick her up I could hear her from the waiting room screaming. When they brought her to me her face was red, swollen, and tears poured down her face. It absolutely killed me to see my daughter in the state. She looked so scared... I never want to see her like that again.

We'll just have to see how it goes today...

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