"...life is more fiction than fiction itself."
Azar Nafisi

yesterday night i had a dream where i was going to his school to see him. it was too real. i spent all my time & effort searching for him but when the time came, it was too hard.so i turned away.
its always another world without him.

i was reading my old entires, and i didnt even recall until now how crazy i was about him back then too. how should i feel? like esp. the month april. . .

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Happy 15th Ernie!
it was ERNIE-ish 15 bday onmon...SO we went to the beach to celebrate yester :)

8:00 am - 8:ish pm
with fionne, kyle, tina, carlos, & of course Terry&VIvian.
hmm i think the highlight of the day was [atleast for me] burying Terry in the sand and giving him boobs, biking[ormorelike sititng and letting kyle do the work :) ], & eating afterwards with LTF & Kylie .
buut now im sick

& i DId end up thinking about Him all day yester.
still do too

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The nights are getting colder. The red light's on, it's over. To give up now doesn't make much sense. So this is my goodbye. Surprised, because I thought I could walk you home tonight, but you're leaving me here on the defense. Goodbye, I'm not going to waste this time, this light that burns will keep on fading. Goodnight, I'm not getting up off of this ride, I'm holding tight until I can feel alive. I've written you this letter, got it back return to sender. But I just can't remember you being quiet like that. Misunderstand, we're holding hands, we're at the beach, we're throwing sand. As the lights just go up all around us, I can't believe it's over. I'm sitting under falling stars. Do you miss me where you are? I'm making plans to be with you. But have they come unglued? What am I to do without you? The nights are getting warm again. They've let you go, I let you in. Everything you're saying sounds right tonight. The waves are crashing on and on. We're running even if we're wrong. This force is driving me to test the speed of light.

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its s u m m e r t i m e ... 2005 playlist

311 - amber
mae - goodbye, goodnight
mae - its summertime
mae - the ocean
jimmyeatworld - work
mae - soundtrack for our movie
mae - everglow
mae - anything

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all so detailed and encrypted with emotion. if you would look, you would feel. if you wanted, you would hate it. When you listen for it, you hurt. with swellings of joy, want, truth. Inexpressible.

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