i can never identify myself. theres a reflection from those i surround myself with, but the image is hazy.



what can i say?



maybe everything is really better off this way

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

SO, ive just come back from an overnight stay at occidental college..it was mind consuming and future startling i suppose is how i can put it. i wsnt expecting some epiphany to arise, for me to suddenly just Know where i want to go, but i had hoped for some consolation for the mind. at the end of day im eye wearied, mind romping, and heart heavy with a lingering desire for some security, for just the next few minutes.

its no problem addressing the desire to go to Humboldt or the igniting curiosity and excitement of near future. Its the hesitancy behind it all. Feeling stopped, and taken aback from participating in what i want to explore . Its a nolstagic emotion, to feel this way, wrapping comfort in angst and fear.

Perhaps this is just the result of a lead heavy head barely stableon a dusty wooden frame..or eye burning visions from the awake and asleep.

faces were so strangely familiar at the school..not their exterior physical structures but the expressions that came about from those exteriors.


It was my expectations, met.

5:04 pm

Comment! (0) | Recommend! (2)

why do days start so well only to end this way?

Today it was said that Only by admitting our defeat and helplessness in this journey can He come in and save us for we alone are nothing without Him.

As a fellow fighter says At the end of the day, everyone feels as if no one is trying hard enough.

As least we know He does and will, and always prevails.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

d a h!

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

im thinking of a time

when moments, as of right now,

ran cold and bitter inbetween

minutes of sweet esteem

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

i must say. despite the tragedies and tears of last years, there was a warmth in me every night. It was like dark choclate, bitter and not whatd you expect from a savory looking morsel of chocolate, but it had its own richness and intricate details of being chocolate, just dark. This winter, is just winter.

I miss the joy that comes after sorrow. Not that i want things to be worse, but just things to feel more blissful. Yea, thats what it was, bliss. Bliss to walk into a presence thatd welcome you or, a presence thatd felt slient & awkward due to a hidden bliss. I'll guess i'll admit it, its not winter that i miss, its the moments from my memories.

Comment! (5) | Recommend!