[EDITED cause I notice I skip words alot or mispell]

Oh MY!
Uhm, so megan came to get me, and we went to the Battle of the Bands bake sale together and met up with other girls there and went inside, paid 5 dollars and ..yeah. I will tell you.. I was fucking suprised, there were BUNCH of emokids sitting on the floor while some girl name Sara Allen played acoustic guitar. Basically the place turned out to be a fucking pussy Emo Concert. I had respect for one person though, this guy.. his lyrics was really well but his voice sounded like shit. I knew it came from his heart and plus he had some funny ass songs he made.
Anywho.. Oh mY GoD! My shoulder hurts.. Megan bit me so fucking hard because.. while we were in the car when Laura mom was taking us home.. *cough* LMAO oh my god .. anyways I kept sliding my hands on her legs..and she was like fucking giggling and making these .. noises, if you know what I mean. Everyone was like "what the fuck?!" and I looked at her and smiled..hahah oh my god. That was so funny..and she leans and goes, "if you do that one more..im going to have bite you" and.. of course I did and she bit me so hard.. I had to squeeze my fist so fucking hard and i was getting so amused by her reaction, I just kept playing with her that she had to dig her nails in my arm.. and .. wow. I was like "DAYAM!" cause i like being scratched..and mMmm. LoL. Oh my gosh, that was so funny.

Well earlier part of the day, me and megan just kept leaving that place..because the bands there mostly sucked, so we held hands and walked around and shared/smoked some cigarrettes, and lit things on fire. Than some fat guy came and told us we are not allowed to do that, so that pissed us off. Oh and it turns out she is going out with that girl but they dont even act like couples. That is fucking gay i tell you cause they really dont act like couples. Gay I tell ya.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa man im so fucking weeeeeeeeeeeeee.
The concert was gay, but hanging with Megan made it worth it.
LMAO OMFG I CANT FUCKING STOP LAUGHING ABOUT THE FACT IN THE CAR!! ROFLMAO!!

Megan"wow your fingers are so talented"
Me " ROFLMAO ..yeah..i play guitar you know.."

.. *ahem*

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I dont understand who or what I am, anymore.
I dont understand why I cant feel any kind of love toward anyone.
I mean I do love, but its like I dont, cause sometimes I dont feel it. Its like I lost everything inside of me, I dont care. I just dont fucking care and its kind of scaring me. What if I feel like this forever? What If I dont bother to love anyone anymore?

So anyways, to keep my friends updated, Me and Cori split up. I threw away the letter I written to her and deleted the pictures off of this journal and yeah. As all of you know, my outcome of the break-up was so different. Usually, I would be sad but I wasnt. I was happy or was i? See, this is what worries me, its like Im changing so much, like I dont want to care for anyone, I dont even want to feel for anyone but maybe deep inside I miss her but for some reason, I dont even feel that.

I believe Im desinted to be alone. I really do, I thought about this so much. Im in the state of " I just want to mess around and have fun " This is not what I usually would intend to think but thats what Im thinking now. Its my senior year, I should have fun. I guess that is true. I mean Im a senior, so why date, why not just play?

Megan wants to make-out with me and stuff.. but uhm she has a girlfriend I believe. I think it was that one girl I met, but Megan said she was a bad at making out and wants to mess with me but I dont know, Im confused. If she has a girlfriend, she shouldnt feel the need of messing with me but I guess this how bisexual people usually are.. just messing. I guess I can go along with that for this year. I dont care, whatever happens, happens.

Sabina still loves me so fucking much, I can tell by looking at her eyes. She finally got a webcam too..and all she does seem to do was watch me and smile. I know shes broken inside cause I dont feel the same.. but I realized she was just sitting there watching me doing whatever I was doing. Kind of creepy but not really.. because I looked at her eyes..and it was the same .. passion in her eyes that once my ex-fiancee Jessica had for me. It kind of made me feel wierd.. like.. I wish I could feel the same for her, but its like I dont care. I dont want to feel anymore.

Yes, maybe I am traumitized from my last serious relationship. Wait I know I am, thats why I havent fallen for anyone and dont intend to and I know that if I even have the slighest feeling of it, Ill push them away so I can get them off my mind and keep my mind blank.

Im keeping my mind blank, its getting easier and easier. Like.. I can escape from any feelings.. like.. rejection, pain, sadness, or whatever.

I also been sleeping alot in school now to escape from reality. I mean Im not even fucking tired but I try to sleep so I can forget anything that was going on with my life right now, or even that feeling of emptiness.

Im running on empty..

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Im not dead.

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