First, I'm officially obsessed with Ben Folds, thanks to my brother.
Second, I'm stealing Christine's idea. I'm making a list of all my bad habits in an attempt to figure myself out a bit. So here it goes...

~I stuff things in my closet when I have no where to put them.
~I chew a ton of gum, especially when I need to be able to hold still.
~I think about things too often and too long.
~I get upset when there's no need to be.
~I over react to things that are so silly.
~I obsess.
~I apologize when I know I didn't do anything wrong.
~I attempt to hide from everyone when things start going downhill.
~I scribble important things on PostIt's, then I lose them.
~I pick myself apart when looking in the mirror.
~I hum songs when I'm uncomfortable, especially in confrontation situations.
~I pick my nail polish off when I'm bored.
~I put off doing laundry until I have nothing to wear.
~I don't know when or how to let go of other people, or myself.

And here are some other things that have been on my mind:

~I forget how to flirt.
~I have to understand things, I can't just enjoy them.
~I feel awkward more often than normal.
~I like make up more now than I have in the past.
~I think a good night can involve me sitting in my bed watching a movie that I've seen several times.
~I don't like when my questions go unanswered.
~I do believe that if you want something bad enough, you will get it.
~I am terribly uncomfortable in my skin, but am feeling better about it these days.
~I want to figure out who I am.
~I know I'm happy, I just have to find it.

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listening to: The Scene Aesthetic 'Beauty in the Breakdown'
mood: content
This summer is so much more than I ever imagined it would be. I'm learning things I never thought I could about myself. I feel stronger and more like my old-self than I have in a very long time.
I told you that I needed a change, I just never knew how badly I actually needed it. I decided to give up lying to myself and others if my friend would give up smoking. Regardless of whether or not he gives up smoking, I'm done with lying. It feels so good. I feel...like I can breathe. I feel lighter; I am relaxed. If I have no secrets, I have nothing to hold me down.
I feel a little awful for saying this, but I'm in an amazing mood today. I know that ending everything with her hurts me, but I know it needed to be over. And not that fake breaking up, but for real; the end. I'm sure that some people might find me to be a terrible person, but it was time to do something for me. This is what I needed, even though I didn't always act like it.
So today I'm content. Today I woke up in a good mood. Today I have no more secrets.

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