me and this one girl in canada is having a discussion about our culture and the current trends and how its so ridiculous. I like her way of thinking. she's probably the only person i can have an intelligent conversation/debate with even when its about clothing. plus she's an athiest like meso we can ponder about the existance of the universe and contribute ideas on what religion really is.

i don't get the whole baggy pants symbolizing masculinity thing, to me it just makes them look like they took a dump in their boxers. i dunno. everyone pretty much follows particular trends and fashion as it gains momentum and other followers, and those followers beget other followers,and so on and so forth until that particular generation is too old to be cool anymore so we all have to find some other icon to emulate.it's the whole 'shut up and blend in' thing.
and i never thought about the whole ass-raping thing, but yeah, you have a point. the whole hip-hop culture is just dripping with sickeningly testosterone-saturated language and ethics and is just deeply misogynistic in general. that's why 95% of wiggers are male. it's a culture that's degenerated into this cartoonish orgy of gunfights and bling and having power, influence and non-speaking women in bikinis with huge tits and asses clinging to your arms, and the majority of shit-for-brains upper-middle-class bored white suburban adolescent boys find that hugely attractive, however ridiculous and improbable it is.
and that, my friend, is why the wigger problem just won't die. i need me some wigger-b-gone. it could be extremely flammable and come in a spray can.

scheduled debate topic for next week: politics.

it feels good to exercise my brain once in a while. however stereotypically stoner people label me, i'm not that stupid. yet.

now i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

life is confusing. i've always been apprehensive when it comes to revealing who i really am. And so far, i was proven correct. So far this life has been a complete waste of my time and somebody elses. I'm just taking up room and i'm using up oxygen. So this is what it all comes down to. from the loner i was in kidergarten to 6th grade, the angry artist nobody wants to know in junior high and the bitter artist i am now. i havent changed one bit. am i suppose to be learning something? because i'm not. and it doesn't appear i'll just disappear anytime soon. unfortunately. i'm breaking all ties with everybody once i'm out of highschool. human affection costed me too much. i think my xanga is the only thing that comes even close to knowing who i really am.
and today, i shall mourn for my dreams i decided shouldn't come true. i dont deserve it.

oh, and our sophmore trip to chinatown sucked kung pow ass. yuck, americanized chinese food.

listening to: Kathleen Hanna - "I Wish I Was Him"

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so i came out to my cousin today lol. no big deal.
i shoulda come out to my mom too. "hey mom. i'm gay. happy mothers day"
i'm sure thats something all parents wish for. note:sarcasm

anyhoo we have our stupid lil field trip coming up to china town. i'm thrilled. no really. cant you tell...

i have a tummy ache.

i'm bored so i'm reading philosophy. fun huh? thought i'd get a head start on next year.
check this out. plato and other great men of the past were sexist. yet their philosophy of love is totally unexpected:

Each of us when separated, having one side only, like a flat fish, is but the indenture of a man, and he is always looking for his other half. Men who are a section of that double nature which was once called Androgynous are lovers of women; adulterers are generally of this breed, and also adulterous women who lust after men: the women who are a section of the woman do not care for men, but have female attachments; the female companions are of this sort. But they who are a section of the male follow the male, and while they are young, being slices of the original man, they hang about men and embrace them, and they are themselves the best of boys and youths, because they have the most manly nature. Some indeed assert that they are shameless, but this is not true; for they do not act thus from any want of shame, but because they are valiant and manly, and have a manly countenance, and they embrace that which is like them. And these when they grow up become our statesmen, and these only, which is a great proof of the truth of what I am saving. When they reach manhood they are loves of youth, and are not naturally inclined to marry or beget children,-if at all, they do so only in obedience to the law; but they are satisfied if they may be allowed to live with one another unwedded; and such a nature is prone to love and ready to return love, always embracing that which is akin to him. And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment.

heh so in short to those who dont understant or didn't bother to read. mankind was origionally a being with 4 arms and 4 legs. a whole. but their power was so great it challenged the strength of the gods. so as punishment, zeus split them up into the human we are today. So that is what attract us humans when it comes to finding Love. We long to find our other half, our "soul-mates" as some would call it before we leave this world. To be joined and become one again before we die. The origional being could be both male or both female. or adrogyneous. hence why there are homosexuals in this world as well as straights.
hmmm thats interesting. personally, i think i was born this way.there was no real traumatizing event in my life to cause men to gross me out. well, except my dads an ass.

I'm not looking for my other half. I'm letting fate play its course.

my dogs been raiding the garbage can again.

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hmm today was a mildly tiring day i guess. i'm helpign corinna with legal stuff right now concerning her right of privacy. hmm and we are focusing on WW2 in AP alot too. right now we are suppose to be reading the book Night and i still havent read it. I'm done with my indepent study too. Since we are the only AP World History students i nthe school, in 4th period we were called in one by one to the principles office. it was pretty funny too because we were focusing on the violation of human rights of governments and the ways of execution and torture. and in the middle of the discussion, like 4-5 office assitance came in with a list of everybody in our class and was given orderes by the administrators and principle to call in people by 2's down the list and it made it sound like some execution or something. In the office i stood with 4 r 5 other people in a row against the wall because of the lack of chairs and anne and i were whispering on what they could be makign us come upstairs for when the secretary passed by and told us not to talk. it was funny. we thought we were gonna get expelled or something. Basically they all sat in a row around a rectangular table and started scribblign things down the minute you sit down and started asking questions on whether anybody was cheating, any cell phones, food, clothes, the instructor and stuff. scarey stuff. u dont do this to AP students that jsut went through an exam damnit. we have delicate hearts right now! yep and thats basically it. and liek the exam, they had locked the doors, closed the window and blinds. weird stuff. and you can practically read a warning blinkign over their heads that legal actiosn will be taken agaisnt us if any information from the room is made public. well actually...thats what our test instructor said to us and what it said on our exam packets. soooo i guess i shouldn't be writing anymore. the FBI might be watching me. and basically my cousin is screwed. somebody reported seeing her look into her backpack and folder. they are currently deciding whether to mark her test invalid or make her re-take it.. i hope the whole class wont have too. we just busted our balls over it and frankly, my ovaries wont be able to take much either.

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our AP teacher gave us last years AP exam today and i got a 40/60 woo for me comsidering i was half asleep... >_> bwahahaha kim had notes and she got a 30/60 i wanna call jay right now but her dad is scarey.... if kim gets the okay me and her will be riding the bus to capitol hill every friday now. from 6:30 -9:30 at this one art academy. wooo i think i might end up completely vegetarian at this rate. with all the lirberal stuff going on in seattle and especially on capitol hill. only 1/8 resturaunts there serve meat o.0 oh wait...jay called me. yay ^_^ g2g sleep-err i mean...study...

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wooo the AP Exam is coming up on wednesday and i'm the only one in my class that hasn't read more than 3 chapters on the 34 page long chapters assigned to us. actually....i dun even know where my book is for that matter... anyhoo, like last year, me and the old friends are gathering together to get drunk on finals. why the fuck is it always me supplying the hard liquor?! oh yea... and tara is supplying shrooms, rusty is providing pot. lol. we're gonna be so enthusiatic on day of finals.... i think i'm just gonna stick to vodka or whatever i bring. last year i took almost everything and my paper started to run away from me.... i ended up trying to stab my paper. somehow i manage to pass all my classes except photography... probably cuz i kept skipping on the class cuz our teacher stinks. litterally. and he wears pink. that takes a real man... i miss tweak. curtis is pawning all his stolen stuff to throw a welcome home party for her. mmm soda pop, pretzels, pot, alcahol, POT, more beer, shrooms, Meth, and popcorn. i hope josh doesn't end up puking all over the place...curtis hadta air out his trailer for a week and his mom threw us out. lol. wooo spent 80$ on a test i'm not studying for. that would be funny if i passed it. well, its not liek i really need that college credit THAT badly... curtis can always be held back until i graduate. its not like he's gonna graduate in time this year anyway :-/ yay for super seniors. my principle is letting me skip Visual Images 2 and intro Tech/art and directly to AP Art and AP art history. i think i'll do independent art study after school too again next year. maybe. -_- i need a life. somewhere down the line i'm goign to get arthritis from this.... Rusty and the guys are going to chave their heads again at the end of the school year. bleh. Rustys mohawk looks cool the way it is right now. he hugs me wayyyy too much. i'm starting to get paranoid. why is it most my straight guy friends go for me even though they know i'm just one BIG dyke? is it hot or something? listening to: The Ramones - Blitzkreig Bop

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Hmmm havent written in here for a while. As a matter of fact, I haven¡¯t written in all of my journals for a while¡­ Welllll, we still doing the WASL. Today Tara was thinking bout dying her hair hot pink again. And she wore a checkered skirt outside her pants. Its either me or her eyesight that¡¯s going. And its going fasssttttt¡­ Martian took my dollar. I put him into a choke hold and punched him in the kidneys. The janitor was convinced he was dead until tara stepped on his stomach. There was a wind storm the other day. Our entire areas electricity went out until 2 in the morning. I think I jinxed it. Cuz during the WASL that day I was drawing on my 2nd draft for the essay part of the WASL and I drew this picture stating how dependent our society is on technology and its our greatest weakness. Ironically, the lights when out and all the houses in our district couldn¡¯t use any source of technology. Not even the stove or shower. -_- I¡¯d like to state, I was just proving my point¡­

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